8.5 months pregnant and losing dad

Discussion in 'End of life care' started by Gg2, Aug 11, 2015.

  1. Gg2

    Gg2 Registered User

    Jul 19, 2014
    81
    My dad has very quickly deteriorated. Been refusing food since Friday and hit and miss with fluids.

    Today he looks yellow. He is sleeping a lot too.

    Should I keep offering foods and drinks? He is in a nursing home. I had a meeting with the Dr about palliative care a few weeks ago and she said she would call me when it started. I haven't heard from her yet.


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  2. cragmaid

    cragmaid Registered User

    Oct 18, 2010
    7,963
    North East England
    Hi Gg2 Poor dad and poor you. Have you asked the carers at the home if Dad is on the Palliative care. Is he in any pain? If so, then I would phone the GP and not wait any longer.
    Spend what time you can with Dad, sitting, holding his hand or not, talking, reminiscing, chatting about the new baby........ and when you are not with Dad...Put your feet up.:)

    Thinking of you all.x.
     
  3. elaina

    elaina Registered User

    Aug 10, 2015
    41
    Somerset
    I really feel for you. To have the excitement of a new baby and yet the anxiety and sadness that you must be experiencing - so hard.
    My dad is dying - no longer able to swallow and is in receipt of palliative care. If your dad is yellow, then maybe he is further along the line than you have been told or than anyone has realised.

    Wishing you strength and hope you and your dad get the appropriate medical support you both need

    Elaina
     
  4. Gg2

    Gg2 Registered User

    Jul 19, 2014
    81
    I'm sorry to hear about your dad too Elaina.

    Yes I think he is moving quickly now. What a hideous disease!

    I don't know how I can manage the extreme emotions of losing dad and having a new baby.


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  5. elaina

    elaina Registered User

    Aug 10, 2015
    41
    Somerset
    Is this your first baby?
    I guess you just have to try and think how happy your dad would be to see his grandchild and that something of your dad will appear in your child along the way. My second child definitely has his granddad's character.
    As my dad is fading, I am wishing that I had more photos of him with my children but alas that is too late now.
    You have so much to deal with. I hope you have a good support network and that you get some answers from the medical team today.

    Elaina x
     
  6. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    9,397
    Female
    South coast
    Yes, its not the easiest thing. My dad died (from a heart attack, not dementia) just a few weeks before my first baby was born. Emotionally I was a mess and was convinced that my baby would be still-born (just the grief finding an outlet), but after the birth having a healthy boy helped enormously and everyone expects you to be emotionally all over the place anyway. Your baby must come first. Just take one day at a time.
     
  7. LeedsLass

    LeedsLass Registered User

    Oct 13, 2014
    107
    Essex
    Thoughts are with you G2g, what rotten timing. I know it's different but my husband was diagnosed with terminal cancer when my son was a baby and died 2 years later so I understand losing a loved one whilst having the joy (and challenge) of a young child. When you dad passes you can put all your energy (if you have any left!) into your child. He/she will bring you much happiness so try to focus on that as I'm sure your dad would want. Wishing you much love and strength for some tough times ahead. X


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  8. janetlynn

    janetlynn Registered User

    Jul 22, 2012
    107
    England
    Oh you poor love, it must be so emotionally draining for you!
    I don`t know what to say, except I am thinking about you. Please take care of yourself and try not to think too much of the future. One day at a time.........

    Janet.
     
  9. Gg2

    Gg2 Registered User

    Jul 19, 2014
    81
    Thank you everyone for your kind words and thoughts.

    It is my second baby- I have a toddler who dad loved to pieces.

    I've made the midwife aware.

    The difficulty I have in a practical sense is knowing how much time I should spend with him. I don't want to regret anything but I can't sit at his side all day with a toddler thrashing around. She comes with me for an hour or so and I can tie it in with naps and occupy her for so long.

    When the time is needed, I will put her in nursery if there is enough warning.

    Dad is sleeping a lot. Should I be sitting with him for more than an hour?


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  10. elaina

    elaina Registered User

    Aug 10, 2015
    41
    Somerset
    Just wondered how you were?
    My dad is still struggling on - almost a week now without food and drink.
    Hope your dad's carers and medical team have been able to give you some answers.
    x
     
  11. Gg2

    Gg2 Registered User

    Jul 19, 2014
    81
    Thanks for asking after me Elaina.

    He looked ghastly yesterday but didn't look as yellow as the previous day. He had drink but his mouth was so dry even though they are using swabs to help him.

    He had a yogurt (I literally wiped the tiniest bit on his tongue and he swallowed it or it melted). I'm so upset. I daren't even start to cry today as I don't think I'll stop.

    How is your dad today? How are you feeling? How often do you visit?

    I'm really struggling with not having the time to sit with dad. I want to be there but it's not easy with a toddler. I manage about an hour a day.

    Thanks again for asking about me.


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  12. elaina

    elaina Registered User

    Aug 10, 2015
    41
    Somerset
    I live 3 hours away from my dad. I decided to come home at the weekend as I have a 13 year old with Type 1 diabetes that I need to care for but I am in agony that I have done the wrong thing. People have said to me , and I guess it is the same for you, that you can't be in 2 places at once.
    The situation is made worse by the fact that I have nowhere really to stay up there. My mother is up there but she is a hoarder and there is no room in the house. I also don't feel I want to expose my daughter too much to the situation.
    My dad's breathing has changed so hopefully he will not have to struggle for too much longer. The carers tell me that his circulation is still strong though - so who knows.
    Your situation is more difficult as you have such a young child and you could give birth anytime! My goodness what a situation. At some level, your dad will know that you are near.
    My heart goes out to you. Let me know how you go. I would say stay strong - but that's impossible as I am finding out! But take care of yourself.
    xx


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  13. Gg2

    Gg2 Registered User

    Jul 19, 2014
    81
    You have a lot on your plate too. It's so hard balancing everything.

    Sending lots of love xx


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  14. elaina

    elaina Registered User

    Aug 10, 2015
    41
    Somerset
    Hope you are ok and wanted to wish you well with the birth of your baby.x
     
  15. Gg2

    Gg2 Registered User

    Jul 19, 2014
    81
    I'm ok. The home rang me yesterday and asked me to call. I was on my way. Dad looked awful. He isn't drinking much at all now and they said it will be days or weeks.

    I feel I've accepted it all a little more now and think I'll continue to do this with each visit.

    I hope I have no regrets when the time comes. I had lots when I lost my mum a few years ago but hers was an unexpected passing.

    How are you?


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  16. pony-mad

    pony-mad Registered User

    May 23, 2014
    1,073
    Mid-Wales
    Good morning Gg2
    Wishing you strength. You are facing an enormously difficult situation with love and sensitivity. Hope all goes well with your baby; it can't be long now?!?
    Take good care of yourself. X


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  17. Gg2

    Gg2 Registered User

    Jul 19, 2014
    81
    Thank you pony mad.

    Lovely words and they do help. Less than 6 weeks to go until due date.

    I'm so grateful for the support on here x


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  18. 2jays

    2jays Registered User

    Jun 4, 2010
    11,490
    West Midlands
    6 weeks to go?

    Oh goody plenty of time for us all on TP to help choose a name for them :D

    For a girl Have you thought of Frankie? Sunday name Franchester

    How about Francis / Frances

    Ooooh I could go on, but I bet you are glad I can't at the moment :D

    Sending you hugs and understanding xxx





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  19. elaina

    elaina Registered User

    Aug 10, 2015
    41
    Somerset
    I am glad for you that you have found more peace.
    My dad died yesterday and I am so thankful for an end to his suffering. I can accept that it was his time to leave. It was the nature and cruelty of the process which was so hard to endure
    Just sitting now going through documents and even seeing his handwriting is making me cry. He lost coordination to write 3or 4 years ago.
    I will miss him and so will my children
    Xx
     
  20. Gg2

    Gg2 Registered User

    Jul 19, 2014
    81
    I'm thinking of you Elaina. Sending you lots of love. X


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