68 year old Mum has Alzheimer’s - seems to have no memories of anything

Tulip46

Registered User
Oct 24, 2020
11
0
Hello everyone, my Mum was diagnosed with early stage Alzheimer’s at the end of January 2020 aged 68. I have noticed changes with her for around the last 5 years. My Dad died just over 3 years ago aged 68 of Motor Nuerons Disease and they had been married since they were 20 so this was very hard for her. I am finding it very difficult and coronavirus has obviously made the situation even harder as it has for so many people. I just want my Mum but I know she has gone really and I have to except that although she cares it’s very different. She still lives on her own and is still capable of looking after herself, but the thing that has gone is any memory of anything, She forgets what we have done minutes later, can’t remember appointments, forgets she’s seen me. I understand this bit, but what I’d like advice on is that I thought you were meant to chat about the past with them and old memories as they remember these sort of things, but my Mum has no memories of anything really. Not how she got engaged, their wedding, where we lived, where I grew up or her as a young girl, her parents etc. I try and think of so many things but there are no memories. Has any one else experienced this. It’s hard as there is just no conversation anymore, unless I chat, which luckily I am good at! It’s hard as she is still pretty young and don’t see it much at her age as her support worker told us. Hope that makes sense. :)
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
25,048
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South coast
Hi @Tulip46
I expect that your mums memory has been going for a long time, but it has only just become apparent.
When they get to this stage when their long-term memories are gone too, then you just have to chat about what is in their present - what you can see out of a window, what sort of clothes she likes, if she is interested tell her what you are doing. Is she still able to play simple card games like snap? I used to take my sewing with me when I visited mum and we used to chat about that.
 

lemonbalm

Registered User
May 21, 2018
1,799
0
Hello @Tulip46 . I'm sorry to hear about your mum and about your dad. That's a lot to deal with.

You sound very positive and I hope you are taking time to look after yourself.

Being able to chat is a very useful skill!

My mum is in a care home now but when I was visiting, I would normally take a magazine with me so we could admire or criticize the clothes, make up and hairstyles, look at the recipes and so on. If we could get out for a walk, there were other people to talk about (mum often commenting on their clothes - and figures!), dogs, flowers and trees, people's gardens. As Canary says, it's really about what is going on that moment. Are you able to do a bit of easy cooking together (biscuits or buns)?. Listening to music is a good way to pass the time if you and your mum enjoy music. My mum can remember the words to a lot of older songs and it seems to make her very happy to sing along. This seems quite common for people with dementia - a good tune can be a welcome distraction and very good for lifting the mood.
 

Tulip46

Registered User
Oct 24, 2020
11
0
Hi @canary, thank you for replying, yes she can still do things like snap and loves doing puzzles. I know I have to come to terms with how she is now and not keep expecting my Mum to ask how I am. I think because on the face of it she seems so normal as she lives a normal life, my brain thinks she’s still as she was. Not sure if this means she will go down hill quickly and soon will forget how to cook etc? It’s the not knowing what stage you are at that’s quite hard.
 

Tulip46

Registered User
Oct 24, 2020
11
0
Thank you @lemonbalm yes I can definitely chat, me and my Dad could chat solidly for 7 hours so it’s hard when that’s gone. Yes like your Mum, my Mum can remember songs and loves the radio on and will sing along and I got her a CD player and she loves listening to all her cd’s and doing her puzzles. We have a puppy so she is loving her and it gives us something to chat about and go on walks. It’s good to hear others stories.
 

Pete1

Registered User
Jul 16, 2019
899
0
Hi @Tulip46, some good advice from the good folk here. It does sound as though your Mum is in a good place and enjoying life, which is really great to hear. It is really difficult for you though not having that same interaction. I was wondering whether it might be helpful for you to keep a diary to chart Mum's situation. Sometimes it can be helpful to look back on to see how things have changed over a period of time, especially if you then need to engage further care support. Take care of yourself too.
 

Tulip46

Registered User
Oct 24, 2020
11
0
Hi @Pete1, my Mum is definitely happy most of the time which is a really good thing. That is a really good idea, I do have a diary where I put the bigger things that happen in it, but thats a good idea of writing more information in it to see if there is more of a change over a certain period. Thank you
 

Just me

Registered User
Nov 17, 2013
502
0
Hi@Tulip46 and welcome.
I also was confused when from very early on mum lost her long term memories. Her short term memory was ok but she was loosing her cognitive skills.
This wasn’t what I expected.
We had done so much together over the years, had plenty laughs and memorable holidays, all forgotten, but not by me.
It helps for me to remember the happy times and try and see past the dementia and remember the lovely capable lady.
 

Tulip46

Registered User
Oct 24, 2020
11
0
Hi @Just me thank you for your message, that is a good point to try to remember the happy times and who she was. I agree I didn’t expect all short and long term memories to go, has been a bit of a surprise, sad as you can’t reminisce about things, or if I suddenly remember something don’t have anyone to answer the question. We had many happy family holidays up until a few months before my Dad died so I have many good memories. I just need to put everyone’s advice into practice. Take care
 

Just me

Registered User
Nov 17, 2013
502
0
Hi @Just me thank you for your message, that is a good point to try to remember the happy times and who she was. I agree I didn’t expect all short and long term memories to go, has been a bit of a surprise, sad as you can’t reminisce about things, or if I suddenly remember something don’t have anyone to answer the question. We had many happy family holidays up until a few months before my Dad died so I have many good memories. I just need to put everyone’s advice into practice. Take care

Mum loved Menorca and locals used to say she was menorquin as she visited so often.
The other week A Place In The Sun was featuring Menorca and one of the places she stayed in many times but she couldn’t remember any of it.
It was so sad that she’d lost those happy memories but then I thought at least she’d had them.
Such a difficult illness to deal with both practically and emotionally.
You take care too x