3 days refusing to leave room, eat, use bathroom

pitufi

Registered User
Nov 29, 2015
51
0
London
i just got a phone call this morning from mum’s care Home.
She moved there from hospital after passing out at her home back in June.

She seemed to settle well into her home for the first couple of months while I was having my daughter. Being a busy first time mum I didn’t get the chance to visit her at her New Home as often as I used to when I cared for her at her own flat, maybe once or twice a week.

Since Xmas every time I tried to visit with her baby granddaughter she’s been asleep, very deeply, and they told me she’d been refusing to get up, socialise etc

She’s had a couple of run ins with other residents, one threw a cold cup of tea at her so she lunged at him and the more recent one was a woman wandered into her room and she threw her out

I think that one really shook her and since then they’ve made an effort to keep the lady from wandering down mum’s corridor.

I’m finding it super stressful knowing mum is lashing out for obvious reasons. She had a horrible childhood and I’m scared with all the layers dementia has taken away all that is left is that scared angry child.

This morning the night nurse told me mum has been squarely refusing to leave her room for over three days. Won’t talk to them, won’t use her ensuite and has made messes on her room’s floor, has refused all food and medication.

I don’t really know what to do. I asked them what do they usually do in this situation and they mentioned getting her GP involved. I’m due to go in later to try and get her to eat and hopefully the GP will be around.

And his sounds horrible but before dementia was even in the picture had always said she’d rather die than go into a care home, she’d always been pro assisted dying and I’m wondering if I’m her own subconscious she’s just given up.
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
81,447
0
Kent
Hello @pitufi

It might be time for the home to ask for help from the Mental Health Team. I can't understand why they haven't done so already.

Your poor mother must be so distressed and in a state of torment. She needs help quickly.
 

Linbrusco

Registered User
Mar 4, 2013
1,694
0
Auckland...... New Zealand
Pitufi, Im from New Zealand.
I have had somewhat similar with my Mum.
Mum went into care July 2016.
She settled in really well for first 7/8 mnths.
Developed two UTI’s and since then a massive decline.
Suddenly very agitated & anxious.
Refusing to leave her room, if she did she wouldnt mix or join in like she used to. Not eating & toileting taking a backward step.
Mum had blood/urine tests & screening for delirium. All clear.
Mum was referred to our Mental Health Team. They tried Mum on a low dose Lorazepam. It made her too sedated. Sleepy & could hardly string a sentence together.
They tried upping her anti depressant. No luck.
In between all this Mum was starting to lash out at carers, other residents, bang on doors, wouldnt shower or change clothes.
There was the odd day where she would be a bit better but anything could set her off.
After about 4 mnths of this, Mental Health Team asked me to consider Quetiapine an antipsychotic.
First of all 12.5mg in the morning as she was worse on waking.
Its taken another 3 months but now Mum is on 25mg AM& 12.5mg at lunch & 12.5mg PM.
Hasnt been plain sailing but we are now at a dose where Mum is a lot calmer, eating better, cooperating with showering & dressing.
She is not sedated, but her speech is a bit confusing but not every day, & she can be quite quiet, but the alternative doesnt bear thinking about... but then these could just be Alz progression too.
Im hoping the 50mg is it, and keeps her calm enough. The hope is they can slowly reduce it.

Know how devastating it all is.
Hoping your Mum gets the help she needs very soon. xx
 

pitufi

Registered User
Nov 29, 2015
51
0
London
Thank you linbrusco, they told me that cos she’s in a new borough her last mental health team discharged her and she’s on a waiting list to be seen by the New area’s mental health nurse

I’m gonna reach out to her GP and ask for an appt and discuss this. How can there be a waiting list for behaviour this urgent??

In the 2 weeks I hadn’t seen her she’s lost weight, I could see it right away and she was super thirsty. Even if she shouts at them to leave can’t they work out to leave her some beverages in her room? The next few weeks will tell

They took some bloods while I was there cos she wouldn’t let them, it might be a UTI but they can’t be sure.

I took my baby knowing mum would be way more compliant if happy and she was.
Lack of mobility over the last 3 days showed though, she needed help sitting up in bed let alone put on some jeans
 

love.dad.but..

Registered User
Jan 16, 2014
4,962
0
Kent
It is sad that your mum did not have the best of childhood memories but it is not necessarily due to that...dementia decline in understanding can cause those reactions which I have seen. Is the home inexperienced in being proactive to involve GP urgently and mental health as an emergency for medication ..are they a dementia care home? Your poor mum must be very distressed and whilst understandably staff are finding it impossible to provide basic care I would have concerns about their approach...3 days is far too long and I would be concerned they had not used well proven strategies with this behaviour which in a dementia home is not unusual and they must have dealt with it before proactively. Hope you see the G P later and it is resolved quickly
 
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