1. connie

    connie Registered User

    Mar 7, 2004
    9,519
    Frinton-on-Sea
    Hi, this time last evening I posted in "highlight of the day"

    What a difference to this afternoon. Lionel started getting very agitated after lunch, decided it was time he was dead, and no amount of persuasion, calming , or cajoling worked.

    Indeed he was walking from room to room, looking for knives, razor blades, pills anything, he felt that desparate. Where do you turn late Saturday afternoon?
    Ultimately phoned for a doctor. The call service told me someone would call me back in an hour, but to keep the line free.

    I was getting quite harassed myself by this time, called again after an hour, Lionel was crying in the background which they could hear, so promised a doctor would phone straight back. Then I was told someone would visit but it could take up to 2 hours.

    Anyway, ultimately after 3 hours (start to finish) I managed to calm Lionel down.
    Don't ask me how. I really think he was just worn out, with his pacing and verbally abusing me.

    Just put him to bed, and he asked "who was that black man in the room earlier"
    I explained it was the doctor, but he does not remember any of the incident.

    He has no memory, I am just so devastated by the event,just not knowing exactly what is the right way to get through these episodes.

    Can I have yesterday back please.?:mad:
    Connie
     
  2. noelphobic

    noelphobic Registered User

    Feb 24, 2006
    3,452
    Liverpool
    Sorry to hear about this Connie and hope you are both OK now. I can't give you yesterday back but you can have tomorrow and I hope it is a good one!

    Was the doctor of any help or had things calmed down by the time he'd arrived anyway?
     
  3. Amy

    Amy Registered User

    Jan 4, 2006
    3,453
    Hiya Connie
    Muddle through- there is no right way. Sounds to me as though you did the right things. Have you any friends , neighbours, family that you could call on in these dire situations - just to come in and support you as you support Lionel.
    Lionel is so lucky to have you, and he must be a pretty special man to have earnt your love, respect and devotion.
    Sending a hug.
    Take care. With love,
    Amy
     
  4. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    10,824
    london
    May have taken you
    , but you must of done something right ? as you calm Lionel down, You should be proud of yourself ,Just remember the good time when your liveing the moments of the bad time ( easy for me to say )

    ((((HUGS))))
     
  5. Sheila

    Sheila Registered User

    Oct 23, 2003
    2,259
    West Sussex
    Dearest Connie, it is so hard isn't it. You do absolutely everything you can and still its not enough. No wonder your exhausted my love. I have no words of wisdom on it, just to let it go, tomorrows another day. Sadly yesterday is now that lovely memory you have filed. Hold on to that thought if you can, yesterday was a lovely day. Lotsaluvanhugs, oh how I hate this ruddy disease. She. XX:(
     
  6. Brucie

    Brucie Registered User

    Jan 31, 2004
    12,413
    near London
    Hi Connie
    that's another of the real horrors of the situation, that even when we realise things are getting worse in the general scheme of things, suddenly something will happen to accelerate our stress.

    I believe - and hope - that you will find things improve. People with dementia have periods of lucidity, periods of being happier, sadder, more concerned etc - just like the rest of us.

    There is little one can do when in the middle of it all and, in general, the health service is a waste of space at these times as it is more geared to the needs of the well [staff, and patients with time-wasting minor complaints] than those of the people who are exceedingly unwell. And those with dementia come at the end of the list, so it often seems.

    Take care!
     
  7. Michael E

    Michael E Registered User

    Apr 14, 2005
    619
    Male
    Ronda Spain
    Oh Connie that sounds dreadful... I think you have coped brilliantly... sometimes it is very slightly the same with Monique but no where near that level - don't think there is any way to handle it other than the wonderful way you have handled it. The confusion and anger is of course misdirected at the person closest and the desire to end it all perhaps not totally unreasonable?

    You appear to have done everything possible to control the situation and I think you should try to put it behind you - forget it - but next time it happens know that you are just going to go through the hoops again and it works..

    with love

    Michael
     
  8. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    10,824
    london
    Connie I was thinking about you this morning & how happy you & Lionel was that night , so was wondering why not get him a video or CD of on the early life of our Queen, to watch now & then ?



    Or other old video you may feel he can relate to . Not saying it help all the time ,but just a thought
     
  9. DickG

    DickG Registered User

    Feb 26, 2006
    558
    Stow-on-the-Wold
    Hi Connie

    Life's a bitch. You have my admiration for the way in which you coped with a distressing situation.

    You want yesterday back! why not yesterday six years ago?

    Hugs

    Dick
     
  10. Nutty Nan

    Nutty Nan Registered User

    Nov 2, 2003
    785
    Buckinghamshire
    Connie, I am so sorry to read of your stressful day. This knife-edge stuff is so scary, a calm atmosphere can become volcanic in an instant, and being told to wait 2 or 3 hours for a doctor can make you feel hysterical.

    Our CPN has given us an emergency number for Social Services (she knows that I have felt a bit vulnerable during the night on a couple of occasions), but I have never needed to use it and wouldn't know what the reaction would be if I rang for help. She has also suggested I keep some Diazepam (?) handy "just in case", but quite honestly, if my husband was already that agitated that I felt he needed it, it is highly unlikely that I would then manage to get him to take a tablet!

    A friend or neighbour might, indeed, provide a distraction if that is possible. I have often noticed that a different voice can change my husband's mood in an instant (that can make me feel very inadequate,but if it solves a tricky situation, so what ...). Also sometimes, whispering seems to do the trick, as though he needed to concentrate very hard in order to grasp a big important secret.

    Hope things are calm and more contented now. Best of luck!
     
  11. connie

    connie Registered User

    Mar 7, 2004
    9,519
    Frinton-on-Sea
    Hi Nan, thanks for message. I did ring the emergency Social Services number first, they told me to ring GP, and so the merry-go-round began.

    I am going to ring the consultant tomorrow to ask if there is anything I can have as a 'standby' Things were quite scary, inasmuch as he could "walk and talk", which is beyond him most days without aid.

    Today, for the first time he asked to "go home". I realise it means he wants to be where he was his 'old self' and 'safe', but that I found hard.

    Take care of yourself, thinking of you
     
  12. May

    May Registered User

    Oct 15, 2005
    627
    Yorkshire
    Connie
    So sorry to hear what a rough day you've had, very scarey to go through this on your own with Lionel. Just been through two out of three days like this myself with Mum. Normally her mobility is not good due to arthritis but when she gets like this she is fast and mobile. She gets extremely agitated this is usually coupled with her not recognising Dad, which is when I get the phone call to visit. Some times a different voice works, sometimes it doesn't:( Friday night it was so bad, I ended up doing a whole basket of ironing (whilst keeping a watching brief to make sure she didn't try and damage herself or anything else, and dodging 'the verbals') and Dad vacuumed through the whole house, whilst doing the same! We've found if we just sit or follow it makes things worse, so it's move everything and wait. We too have rung the doctor before now as it's impossible to give her the medication to calm her down,but the response was so dire we gave up.:mad: Just like Lionel, Mum never remembers anything of what's happened, and I'm not usually me when she recovers:(
    Don't beat yourself up Connie, you did a good job, all we can do is respond and go with it, I've yet to find anything that will circumvent one of these episodes.:(
    Wishing you a peaceful day tomorrow
    Hugs{{{}}}
     
  13. PatH

    PatH Registered User

    Feb 14, 2005
    301
    N.Ireland
    24 hours later

    Connie,

    I do understand your distress as I have been there so many times.I realize now that there is no right or wrong way to deal with these situations and what works once may not work again.During these episodes I tried to get my husband out of the house and went for a walk, didnt work all the time,but when it did it was helpful.
    I agree with Brucie, from my experience with the Doctor on Call it was just a waste of time. Unless the patient has good understanding and verbal skills the doctor cannot deal with it. We as carers try to explain as best we can and are not always believed.
    It is ultimately left to the carer to muddle through. I agree that you should keep the consultant informed.
    I hope things improve ,so take care
    Pat
     

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