1. lilaclady

    lilaclady Registered User

    Apr 11, 2016
    So as I have moved through the boards I now find myself "after dementia" Such a range of emotions - sadness. anger at the disease. relief that the battle is over and thankfulness that the happier memories can now replace the horrible ones.

    I don't know what I would have done without Talking Point - I am guilty of being a reader much more than a poster but I have spent many hours reading the threads and gaining valuable advice and insight. Every worry and question I had was answered either directly or by searching and for this I am eternally grateful.

    Dementia is the most cruel of diseases robbing loved ones of their memories, their dignity and eventually their lives - I hope one day there will be a cure and will actively support the Alzheimer's Society going forward.

    At the moment we are dealing with the practical side of mum's passing and I'm sure there will still be advice on these pages that will help.

    One thing that I keep replaying in my mind is that just after mum passed a carer came into the room and said let me say goodbye and she stroked my mum's poor face with such affection and tucked her in bed tightly, Such kindness meant so much in that moment - I hope that one day I will make a difference in someones life like that.

    So thank you wonderful people so much for your wisdom, compassion and humor - I wish you all the best at whatever stages you are in this terrible battle

    love Lilaclady xxx
  2. Marnie63

    Marnie63 Registered User

    Dec 26, 2015
    That's a nice post @lilaclady, and I'm sorry for your loss.

    I too had a tremendous amount of help and support via TP and will be eternally grateful to the Alzheimer's Society for its existence. I am sure it has saved many a carer from the brink.

    As horrendous as the dementia experience is, it's nice to read your story of the caring carer. I too had moments which highlighted that there is a lot of good about humanity, as well as all the bad stuff we hear daily. I'm not sure I can articulate it that well this morning, but there's something about a basic level of humanity which can be very moving. The two young people who took care of mum in hospital after she passed were, admittedly, doing their jobs, but they were so kind and caring (and I remember thinking at the time how wonderful that there are people who want to do such jobs). It didn't change the fact that mum had just died, but it supported me at the time.

    There is so much experience of everything to do with the disease on this site. Long may it continue to support others until, hopefully, dementia can be treated better or cured.
  3. LynneMcV

    LynneMcV Volunteer Moderator

    May 9, 2012
    south-east London
    Sorry for your loss. Your post moved me @lilaclady and the reference to the tenderness of the carer brought back good memories.

    I remember one of the doctors coming into the room shortly after my husband had passed away in hospital. I thought he would be there seconds to just go through the basics of confirming death. He had been in to see my husband daily during his hospital stay, always as part of a bigger group of doctors and consultants, but I was so wrapped up in the trauma of those final days that I barely noticed his presence.

    On that last day though, he came into the the room alone and there was such genuine sorrow, compassion and love on his face as he stood by the bedside that it took me quite by surprise. As he stood there I believe he was saying a quiet prayer to himself and he had a tear in his eyes.

    I think that was the moment when I realised that my husband, and all the patients on the ward approaching the end of their days, were more than 'just another patient' to this doctor - or the nurses and health care assistants who were all doing their best by them.

    Truly remarkable people - and such an inspiration.
  4. Izzy

    Izzy Volunteer Moderator

    Aug 31, 2003
    @lilaclady your post is indeed very moving. Thinking of you and wishing you strength.

    I hope you will continue to post on the forum. From personal experience I know how much support I found here after my husband died.
  5. Bunpoots

    Bunpoots Registered User

    Apr 1, 2016
    I’m sorry for your loss @lilaclady. What a lovely thing for the carer to do. It must have been a real comfort to know that she cared so much.
  6. hilaryd

    hilaryd Registered User

    May 28, 2017
    Lovely post, @lilaclady, and I wish you strength and comfort. Gestures like that carer's can help so much, and it's good to keep them in mind when times are hard. My mum died after only a week in her nursing home, but the carers there were wonderful - we left the room briefly and returned to find they'd washed mum, put her into a clean nightie and placed some flowers in her hands. Apparently whenever a person dies there, all the staff line the hallway as a mark of respect when the undertakers take them away. A year on, we still remember the people who were kind (and the ones who weren't!). The TP people are definitely some of the kindest!

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