http://forum.alzheimers.org.uk/showthread.php?30801-Compassionate-Communication-with-the-Memory-Impaired&p=413710#post413710
Hello Lee
Welcome to the forum - much sympathy and kind words to be found here - along with lots of information
I hope the respite was a good break for your dad and sister
Please don't let the homes comments put you off future respite breaks, it would have been wonderful if your mum had settled perfectly, but it doesn't often work that way - and her carers need the time to themselves
I think Cat27 and Grannie G have it right - familiar surroundings, familiar routine and familiar faces - personally I'd slip right back into what worked for you all before, plus any tweaks you've realised, given the break, will help you support her - personally, I'd be behaving as though she'd not been away, no big welcome, just calm and quiet - and see how she responds
if she is anxious use lots of compassionate communication (see link at top) - don't let her dwell on anything negative, just don't engage with any bad comments, as you don't want to build up her resistance - either be vague, lots of ums and ahs, or find something she did enjoy and praise the home for it - I found reminding my dad about the good parts of his day care meant he was happier with it overall eg "Bet you had another good lunch again today, dad, they do take care of you well, don't they"
I hope your mum settles back well and you all feel the benefit of the respite