16 years old and living with a parent that has dementia

cheyelise

Registered User
Aug 17, 2017
21
0
england
hello to whoever is reading this, I'm completely new to this and don't really know what I'm doing yet so I hope that I'm doing this right.

I have been hunting for someone in the same situation as me for the longest time as I find dealing with my situation extremely difficult, especially because the friends that I have don't fully understand what I'm going through. I would like to find someone that I can talk to on a regular basis about our experiences with the security of knowing that we both understand each other.

I don't know if there is anyone close to my age on this website let alone if this whole idea is at all possible, but I thought that I would try and hope for the best.

Thank you,
Cheyenne
 

LadyA

Registered User
Oct 19, 2009
13,730
0
Ireland
Hello Cheyenne, and welcome to Talking Point - although I'm sorry that you had need to find us!

It must be very difficult, watching your parent going through this, and the affects dementia can have on the rest of the family. Talking Point is a safe place to share and seek support from others with similar experiences. So feel free to join in any of the discussions and ask any questions you might have. And if you ever felt the need to talk to someone, don't forget, the National Dementia Helpline can be contacted on 0300 222 1122 or by email at helpline@alzheimers.org.uk.

Helpline opening hours:
Monday to Wednesday 9am – 8pm
Thursday and Friday 9am – 5pm
Saturday and Sunday 10am – 4pm
 

AlsoConfused

Registered User
Sep 17, 2010
1,952
0
Welcome to TP from me, too.

There are a number of young carers in your very sad situation. TP offers a private message service which you and they may wish to use from time to time. I think you have to have done at least 10 posts before you can access that service ...

Hopefully you'll find some of the posts from older carers useful in showing you different ways of coping with the many challenges this dreadful disease throws up.

One of the advantages of TP is there's normally someone around at most times of the day and night. You don't have to feel alone.
 

cheyelise

Registered User
Aug 17, 2017
21
0
england
Welcome to TP from me, too.

There are a number of young carers in your very sad situation. TP offers a private message service which you and they may wish to use from time to time. I think you have to have done at least 10 posts before you can access that service ...

Hopefully you'll find some of the posts from older carers useful in showing you different ways of coping with the many challenges this dreadful disease throws up.

One of the advantages of TP is there's normally someone around at most times of the day and night. You don't have to feel alone.

thank you! i’ll definitely be using the private messages once i’ve posted enough
 

Izzy

Volunteer Moderator
Aug 31, 2003
74,001
0
72
Dundee
Good morning and welcome from me too.

I'm sorry you find yourself in a caring role at such a young age. I'm glad you've found our forum and I'm sure you'll get lots of support here. We do have a few young members and they do post from time to time. While you can, of course, use the PM facility it's sometimes best to keep discussions on the open forum here's just a wee reminder of the keeping safe side of the forum.

https://forum.alzheimers.org.uk/sho...bbreviations&p=1275482&viewfull=1#post1275482

You might find the information on the babble site interesting. It's for young Carers.

https://babble.carers.org

Having said that I understand why you want to be part of a forum which focuses on dementia. Even though many of us are much older than you I'm sure you'll still find posting here helpful.
 

Izzy

Volunteer Moderator
Aug 31, 2003
74,001
0
72
Dundee
Me again!

I was just wondering if you're still at school. If so I hope staff there are aware if your situation. They should be able to make sure you have support in school and take account if your dating role.
 

Bunpoots

Volunteer Host
Apr 1, 2016
7,342
0
Nottinghamshire
Hello cheyelise

Forgive me if this is a question too far, but are you alone with your parent with dementia or do you live with both parents? Do you have brothers and sisters? I know it makes a big difference if you're the sole carer, so just wondering what your situation is?
 

cheyelise

Registered User
Aug 17, 2017
21
0
england
Me again!

I was just wondering if you're still at school. If so I hope staff there are aware if your situation. They should be able to make sure you have support in school and take account if your dating role.

i have just left my secondary school after doing my GCSE's so I'm going into college in September. My head of year and one other teacher in my old school knew about my situation but as I expected from my school, as they aren't very good with dealing with student's personal lives, they didn't help much. the only thing that I really got out of them knowing is exam concessions, which I guess is cool but I wish they had cared more. saying that, it may have been a fault on my part for telling them only a few months before the end of school, during my exams, when this had been going on for long over a year at that point.
 

cheyelise

Registered User
Aug 17, 2017
21
0
england
Hello cheyelise

Forgive me if this is a question too far, but are you alone with your parent with dementia or do you live with both parents? Do you have brothers and sisters? I know it makes a big difference if you're the sole carer, so just wondering what your situation is?

I live with both parents and a younger sister. My mum works full time so I'm often left responsible of caring for dad, as my sister is only 13 and I find the situation easier to deal with (on the surface anyway). We all support each other as much as possible and I'm grateful for that as I'm sure none of us would be able to care for him on our own.
 

cheyelise

Registered User
Aug 17, 2017
21
0
england
Hi Cheylis

I'm sure you will get lots of support from the very kind people on this forum but don't be afraid to ask for as much help as you need from the GP.

Does your mum have CPN? My husband has a wonderful nurse who has been a great help to me. She put me in touch with the local Carer support group as well as helped fill in many forms which needed to be done. In fact my husband who is very difficult has built up a nice rapport with her.

Take care of yourself too x

Thank you! My mum doesn't have CPN - my dad is extremely stubborn despite his condition and doesn't open up to anyone but my mum. it is hard to deal with, as we have tried to get him help multiple times, (for example, from a mental health organisation) but he refuses to show them that anything is wrong with him and pretends that he's fine. Because of this we're forced as a family to feel even more alone as he won't allow us to get other help.
 

Saffie

Registered User
Mar 26, 2011
22,513
0
Near Southampton
Hello Cheyelise. A big welcome from me too. I am so sorry you find yourself in this situation at such a very young age. I'm guessing your Dad is pretty young to be having dementia too though sadly it does happen.

Regardless of what has happened in your old school, do make sure that your college is aware of your situation. Information should be passed on but it doesn't always get to the right people. I hope you find more support from now on, though it has to be said that a lot of people just don't understand about dementia and the distress and difficulties it can cause.

Do keep coming back here as the support TP gives is wonderful.
 

cheyelise

Registered User
Aug 17, 2017
21
0
england
Hello Cheyelise. A big welcome from me too. I am so sorry you find yourself in this situation at such a very young age. I'm guessing your Dad is pretty young to be having dementia too though sadly it does happen.

Regardless of what has happened in your old school, do make sure that your college is aware of your situation. Information should be passed on but it doesn't always get to the right people. I hope you find more support from now on, though it has to be said that a lot of people just don't understand about dementia and the distress and difficulties it can cause.

Do keep coming back here as the support TP gives is wonderful.

thank you for this. my dad is only recently 60 so yes he is fairly young.
I will make sure that my college knows, I just hope that they offer better support than my old school. I will also keep coming back on here as I already love the community!
 

Izzy

Volunteer Moderator
Aug 31, 2003
74,001
0
72
Dundee
Hi again - please do make sure your college know of your situation. College staff will have strategies for supporting people in your kind of situation I'm sure. Not sure what the structure will be like but there may be a head of year or someone with pastoral responsibilities.
 

AlsoConfused

Registered User
Sep 17, 2010
1,952
0
There are carers' support groups which your mum and other members of the family might find helpful, even if your dad wants to keep all care within the family. I never got involved much in that aspect of things but I believe my parents' GP practice was a good source of info about local services of that sort.
 

cath1124

New member
Feb 26, 2018
9
0
Hi Cheyenne,
I am in a similar situation to you. I am 19 years old and my dad was diagnosed with early on set in november although we had been noticing symptoms for years previous. Im in university but find it really difficult to manage my home life with college work as well. I have told two of my friends about it but they don't really understand how difficult it is to see someone you love change so much and I find it hard to talk about outside the family. how have you been?
 

Shedrech

Registered User
Dec 15, 2012
12,649
0
UK
hello @cath1124
a warm welcome to TP
this is very much a place to come chat with others of all ages, some members are around your own age, who really do understand and sympathise
@cheyelise hasn't visited for a while, so may not be in a position to answer you
do, though, have a mooch around TP; feel free to join in any thread and start your own with anything that's on your mind
there's even the tea room if you fancy a bit of chit-chat
 

Em17

New member
Mar 8, 2018
19
0
hello to whoever is reading this, I'm completely new to this and don't really know what I'm doing yet so I hope that I'm doing this right.

I have been hunting for someone in the same situation as me for the longest time as I find dealing with my situation extremely difficult, especially because the friends that I have don't fully understand what I'm going through. I would like to find someone that I can talk to on a regular basis about our experiences with the security of knowing that we both understand each other.

I don't know if there is anyone close to my age on this website let alone if this whole idea is at all possible, but I thought that I would try and hope for the best.

Thank you,
Cheyenne
Hey, i completly understand your situation, im 17 and my dad was diognosed with early onset when i was just 14. My brother is 15 and he has been the only person my age that i know who understands as he is living this journey with me. I hope you and your family are doing well, i myself have just joined as i wanted to see if i could find anyone my age who is going through the same thing
 

Cat27

Registered User
Feb 27, 2015
13,057
0
Merseyside
Hey, i completly understand your situation, im 17 and my dad was diognosed with early onset when i was just 14. My brother is 15 and he has been the only person my age that i know who understands as he is living this journey with me. I hope you and your family are doing well, i myself have just joined as i wanted to see if i could find anyone my age who is going through the same thing

Welcome to TP @Em17
I’m so sorry you’ve had to find us but you will get support here.
Do you get some support from school/college?
 

Em17

New member
Mar 8, 2018
19
0
Welcome to TP @Em17
I’m so sorry you’ve had to find us but you will get support here.
Do you get some support from school/college?
Hello! School are completly aware, they have been supportive and considerate, especially during exam times. I found that there was more support when i was in year 11, as it was gcse year and at that point i had really started to crumble. After gcses were over and i had stayed on for 6th form, i found that nobody really talked to me about goings on. I find it difficult approaching people if im struggling,so when im not feeling the greatest staff are most likely unaware.
 

cheyelise

Registered User
Aug 17, 2017
21
0
england
Hey, i completly understand your situation, im 17 and my dad was diognosed with early onset when i was just 14. My brother is 15 and he has been the only person my age that i know who understands as he is living this journey with me. I hope you and your family are doing well, i myself have just joined as i wanted to see if i could find anyone my age who is going through the same thing
Hello!
I'm sorry i have only just seen your message, I haven't been on here for a while and didn't get any notifications about your reply for some reason.
I hope we can talk sometime about our experiences and i hope you're well!