12 months on......

[Brodie]

My dad died 12 months ago today. I have cried today.

The power of the grief that I have felt for his passing has been utterly shocking and scary.

I thought I would be relieved that his (and my) suffering would end on his death but it didn't. I felt no relief or release and I was overwhelmed by the power of the loss I was feeling. I lost my mother in 2006 and with the passing of my father it felt like the universe had shifted..... Even though I have a husband and 2 children I felt I had completely lost my backstory, I felt rudderless and had no-one to help define who I was and I didn't know who or what I was anymore. I felt utterly utterly alone. I had basically lived the past 14 years of my life caring for one of my parents as they became ravaged by cancer or dementia.

I think I had a mini breakdown earlier in the year..... I did seek counselling which really helped me get through some very dark moments and work out what was going on in my head. I did allow myself to be wrapped in the grief for a while , it was not something that I could stop but I am slowly learning not to allow it to control me.


I miss my parents terribly. My youngest daughter started school in September and it was a very hard day for me as it was so sad that my parents never got to be part of that experience.

I am slowly learning to live my life without them and each day that goes by does get a bit easier but today I just wanted to say out loud into the ether 'i love and miss you both' .

Clare

 

[Dustycat]

Thinking of you. I can identify with how you are feeling. I lost my mum in 2014 and am slowly losing my dad to Alzheimers. As an only child I feel like I have lost my identity. So many things I wish I had asked. So many times I wished I'd listened more eagerly to their tales. But most of all I miss their help,love, support and company. Life is so hard sometimes. Thinking of you on this sad anniversary. Xx

 

[nannylondon]

Just watched to.send you a big hug ((((( ))))) xxx

 

[sunray]

My husband died three years ago September 2012 and my Mum two months later. I went down in a heap, three months after Mum's death I started having some counselling, six session a fortnight apart. From April 2013 i went on alone. At the two year mark someone said to me: "Contact some old friends, they carry memories of you too, so I have done that and yes, it is good and some of them do talk about my husband or my parents, no it is not a full solution but it helps.

 

[Shedrech]

Sympathies from me too Brodie
Mum died in 2006 too, lost my best friend - dad went into a home 6 months ago and is not really 'settling' - I blanked out at the time that he went into the home on the 9th anniversary of mum's funeral. I have no partner and had no children.
Went to mum's grave yesterday to leave carnations, one with a name of her mother and the other with a name of her mother-in-law both of whom meant the world to her and to me. Walked in the local park today, where I went most sundays with dad; but he's not there - he no longer leaves the home. I know he's still alive and kicking! but there are so many 'no mores'.
At whatever age losing both parents leaves an orphan.
So I do sympathise.
Their story and your story does continue, especially in your daughter. Because you saw her first day at school, they too were watching over her, and you.

 

[Scarlett123]

It was so sad to read your post, and the pain that you're going through. Grief is the price we pay for loving too much, and you had a hard time, caring for your parents and having a young family. It would be nice for you to think that your beloved parents looked down and saw your daughter starting school.

And how proud they must be of you. xxx