11 days no fluids or food or meds

Discussion in 'End of life care' started by flower1, Jul 13, 2015.

  1. flower1

    flower1 Registered User

    Apr 12, 2013
    My mum has been in end of life pallative care since 2nd July
    Mum went back to nursing home to be just made comfortable.
    She has been really well looked after which I am so grateful for and I have been spending hours on end with my mum. I cannot believe mum is still with us after 11 days without meds, food and fluids just mouth care. Yesterday she was in and out of sleep all day with cheyne stoking breathing patterns. If anybody has any helpful feedback I would be grateful as feel so emotionally drained on how to handle this and also the fight against this dreadful vascular dementia that mum still has.
  2. Soobee

    Soobee Registered User

    Aug 22, 2009
    Hi Flower1, there are a lot of threads on end of life care if you search for them using the box on the top right. My mum's situation was similar back in January last year.

    It is a very difficult time and you must try to get some rest yourself. The nursing home was able to tell me when the end was near as her breathing changed and she had cyanosis (blue mottled skin). This was after many days without fluids or food.

    I found it helpful to read up on what was going to happen so it wasn't overwhelming when it did. But everyone is different. I wish your mum a peaceful and pain free passing, and you strength to handle the coming months.
  3. flower1

    flower1 Registered User

    Apr 12, 2013
    Mum passed away today

    My beloved mum passed away peacefully in the early hours of today after 14 days without foods or fluids and all meds stopped except for anticipatory drugs if required. Mum was very settled and comfortable and slipped away very peacefully in my arms. The last five years and final 14 days have been so hard to get through but I know my mum is now at peace and free from the dreadful vascular dementia. RIP. A special thank you to all those who took the time to reply to all my posts on this website, it has been a great support and I hope when I start to heal will find strength to keep supporting others on here too.
  4. loveahug

    loveahug Registered User

    Nov 28, 2012
    Moved to Leicester
    So sad for you, I am glad it was a peaceful passing. many hugs xxx
  5. Essie

    Essie Registered User

    Feb 11, 2015
    Sincere condolences flower1 but also so glad that your Mum passed peacefully and is now free of her suffering. Do stay on TP if you can, experience is what it's all about on here.
  6. tuscon

    tuscon Registered User

    Oct 1, 2014
    my sincere condolences

    Just 11 weeks ago today I too lost my darling mum. I was with her and she died in my arms. My heartfelt condolences go out to you as I know how you are feeling - glad that she is at peace at last but broken hearted that you will never hear her voice or speak to her again. I am still finding it so very hard but have to carry on. Sending you a virtual hug.
  7. flower1

    flower1 Registered User

    Apr 12, 2013
    Thank you for caring and the hugs, definitely need those right now xx
  8. flower1

    flower1 Registered User

    Apr 12, 2013
    Hi Tuscon thank you for your kind reply. I am sorry you have lost your mum too, its heartbreaking. Today I feel quite numb, like you so glad she is at peace but knowing you will never be able to speak with her again, hold her hand.... They say time is a healer I do believe this especially when I lost me dad 6 years ago. For the last 14 days when mum was in end life care I kept a diary each day of what was happening and I do believe by writing my feelings and what was happening it helped me cope. Sending you a virtual hug back and hope we can both get through this and help others along the way xx
  9. flower1

    flower1 Registered User

    Apr 12, 2013
    Hi Essie, thank you for your kind reply and yes I will stay on TP and do my best to help others going through similar situations. xx
  10. Canadian Joanne

    Canadian Joanne Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 8, 2005
    Toronto, Canada
    I am grateful that it was a peaceful passing for your mother. Please accept my condolences.
  11. cragmaid

    cragmaid Registered User

    Oct 18, 2010
    North East England
    This is a time of such mixed emotion, tears and sadness, laughter at happy memories, grieving, anger and loss. Take your time with all that there is to do now. You have been through a strange spell and you will need to be able to process your thoughts and feelings. Thinking of you and yours with sympathy, Maureen.x
  12. Amy in the US

    Amy in the US Registered User

    Feb 28, 2015
    Flower, please accept my condolences.
  13. Gigglemore

    Gigglemore Registered User

    Oct 18, 2013
    British Isles
    So sorry for your loss Flower1, your poor mum could not have had better support in her final days. Now that she is at peace I hope that you are able to get some rest. Take care.
  14. Izzy

    Izzy Volunteer Moderator

    Aug 31, 2003
    I'm so sorry to read if your loss. Please accept my condolences.
  15. flower1

    flower1 Registered User

    Apr 12, 2013
    Thank you to everyone for your kind messages. I know it's still early days but I am doing my best to cope and carry on as mum would want me too. I am planning the funeral for mum and trying to include a poem or a short reading about the journey with dementia. If anybody has any inspiration or examples they have used or found please can you feedback. As I want to do my best for mum at her final farewell. Thank you again everybody's support means so much x
  16. Amy in the US

    Amy in the US Registered User

    Feb 28, 2015
    Flower, please know we are thinking of you.

    I wonder if you might find something from these links:





    I hope you find something that speaks to you, to use for your mum's funeral. I am sure this is a difficult time for you. Hang in there.
  17. Bedelia

    Bedelia Registered User

    Dec 15, 2011
    So sorry I didn't see this before responding to the previous thread. Deepest sympathies for your loss. I am glad it was at least peaceful and hope you may be able to find some peace for yourself in the coming months.

  18. Pickles53

    Pickles53 Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    Radcliffe on Trent
    Sending my deepest sympathy and wishing you comfort and peace.
  19. Spamar

    Spamar Registered User

    Oct 5, 2013
    My deepest sympathy to you, flower, sorry so late, I've only just caught up,
  20. Jessbow

    Jessbow Registered User

    Difficult days ahead, thinking of you. My mum went just over 12 months ago, and it does get easier, when you start to remember the days before dementia , and who she was stays in your memory more than what she became.

    take care of yourself in the days ahead.

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