11 days no fluids or food or meds

flower1

Registered User
Apr 12, 2013
124
My mum has been in end of life pallative care since 2nd July
Mum went back to nursing home to be just made comfortable.
She has been really well looked after which I am so grateful for and I have been spending hours on end with my mum. I cannot believe mum is still with us after 11 days without meds, food and fluids just mouth care. Yesterday she was in and out of sleep all day with cheyne stoking breathing patterns. If anybody has any helpful feedback I would be grateful as feel so emotionally drained on how to handle this and also the fight against this dreadful vascular dementia that mum still has.
 

Soobee

Registered User
Aug 22, 2009
2,734
South
Hi Flower1, there are a lot of threads on end of life care if you search for them using the box on the top right. My mum's situation was similar back in January last year.

It is a very difficult time and you must try to get some rest yourself. The nursing home was able to tell me when the end was near as her breathing changed and she had cyanosis (blue mottled skin). This was after many days without fluids or food.

I found it helpful to read up on what was going to happen so it wasn't overwhelming when it did. But everyone is different. I wish your mum a peaceful and pain free passing, and you strength to handle the coming months.
 

flower1

Registered User
Apr 12, 2013
124
Mum passed away today

My beloved mum passed away peacefully in the early hours of today after 14 days without foods or fluids and all meds stopped except for anticipatory drugs if required. Mum was very settled and comfortable and slipped away very peacefully in my arms. The last five years and final 14 days have been so hard to get through but I know my mum is now at peace and free from the dreadful vascular dementia. RIP. A special thank you to all those who took the time to reply to all my posts on this website, it has been a great support and I hope when I start to heal will find strength to keep supporting others on here too.
 

Essie

Registered User
Feb 11, 2015
563
Sincere condolences flower1 but also so glad that your Mum passed peacefully and is now free of her suffering. Do stay on TP if you can, experience is what it's all about on here.
 

tuscon

Registered User
Oct 1, 2014
15
my sincere condolences

Just 11 weeks ago today I too lost my darling mum. I was with her and she died in my arms. My heartfelt condolences go out to you as I know how you are feeling - glad that she is at peace at last but broken hearted that you will never hear her voice or speak to her again. I am still finding it so very hard but have to carry on. Sending you a virtual hug.
Tuscon
 

flower1

Registered User
Apr 12, 2013
124
Just 11 weeks ago today I too lost my darling mum. I was with her and she died in my arms. My heartfelt condolences go out to you as I know how you are feeling - glad that she is at peace at last but broken hearted that you will never hear her voice or speak to her again. I am still finding it so very hard but have to carry on. Sending you a virtual hug.
Tuscon
Hi Tuscon thank you for your kind reply. I am sorry you have lost your mum too, its heartbreaking. Today I feel quite numb, like you so glad she is at peace but knowing you will never be able to speak with her again, hold her hand.... They say time is a healer I do believe this especially when I lost me dad 6 years ago. For the last 14 days when mum was in end life care I kept a diary each day of what was happening and I do believe by writing my feelings and what was happening it helped me cope. Sending you a virtual hug back and hope we can both get through this and help others along the way xx
 

flower1

Registered User
Apr 12, 2013
124
Sincere condolences flower1 but also so glad that your Mum passed peacefully and is now free of her suffering. Do stay on TP if you can, experience is what it's all about on here.
Hi Essie, thank you for your kind reply and yes I will stay on TP and do my best to help others going through similar situations. xx
 

cragmaid

Registered User
Oct 18, 2010
7,942
North East England
This is a time of such mixed emotion, tears and sadness, laughter at happy memories, grieving, anger and loss. Take your time with all that there is to do now. You have been through a strange spell and you will need to be able to process your thoughts and feelings. Thinking of you and yours with sympathy, Maureen.x
 

Gigglemore

Registered User
Oct 18, 2013
526
British Isles
So sorry for your loss Flower1, your poor mum could not have had better support in her final days. Now that she is at peace I hope that you are able to get some rest. Take care.
 

flower1

Registered User
Apr 12, 2013
124
Thank you to everyone for your kind messages. I know it's still early days but I am doing my best to cope and carry on as mum would want me too. I am planning the funeral for mum and trying to include a poem or a short reading about the journey with dementia. If anybody has any inspiration or examples they have used or found please can you feedback. As I want to do my best for mum at her final farewell. Thank you again everybody's support means so much x
 

Amy in the US

Registered User
Feb 28, 2015
4,619
USA
Flower, please know we are thinking of you.

I wonder if you might find something from these links:

http://forum.alzheimers.org.uk/showthread.php?41105-Appropriate-funeral-readings

http://forum.alzheimers.org.uk/showthread.php?14804-Ideas-for-a-poem-for-my-grandads-funeral

http://forum.alzheimers.org.uk/showthread.php?51594-Poetry-and-rememberence-help

http://art.muchloved.org/gateway/bereavement-poems-and-funeral-readings.htm

I hope you find something that speaks to you, to use for your mum's funeral. I am sure this is a difficult time for you. Hang in there.
 

Bedelia

Registered User
Dec 15, 2011
158
So sorry I didn't see this before responding to the previous thread. Deepest sympathies for your loss. I am glad it was at least peaceful and hope you may be able to find some peace for yourself in the coming months.

My beloved mum passed away peacefully in the early hours of today after 14 days without foods or fluids and all meds stopped except for anticipatory drugs if required. Mum was very settled and comfortable and slipped away very peacefully in my arms. The last five years and final 14 days have been so hard to get through but I know my mum is now at peace and free from the dreadful vascular dementia. RIP. A special thank you to all those who took the time to reply to all my posts on this website, it has been a great support and I hope when I start to heal will find strength to keep supporting others on here too.
 

Jessbow

Registered User
Mar 1, 2013
2,944
West Hertfordshire
Difficult days ahead, thinking of you. My mum went just over 12 months ago, and it does get easier, when you start to remember the days before dementia , and who she was stays in your memory more than what she became.

take care of yourself in the days ahead.