Since the beginning of this year 2015 until now “June 2015” my condition has gone rapidly downhill and with the now New health issues of which despite all the added medications I’m not getting very much reprieve so to be very honest I am starting to get very scared and at a loss of knowing what to do next!
At night times I lay on the bed and my mind seems to go haywire in “fear” of my future, I try to cast the weird thoughts out of my mind by trying to recall past happier days but the constant ‘fear’ and my deteriorating condition cast any happier thoughts to the wayside like fallen Autumn leaves!
But I’m not just concerned about my own health; I am also very concerned about my dear wife Sumi who has to shoulder the daily burden of taking care of me all by herself, as I’ve said many times before we have no Alzheimer’s society support or no support phone lines, neither do we have any social benefits or any social security financial support, there’s nobody that could come and sit with me to give Sumi a little bit of (Time out) and there’s no respite time for me the only respite I can get is in my own bedroom!
All this weighs heavily on my mind which I guess doesn’t help my condition it just adds to my growing “Fears” and at times I feel so weak and fatigued I feel as though I am going to pass-out so I have to lay down on the bed until the feeling passes. “BUT” what I find the worst thing to cope with is the constant feeling you can get of still being aware of your own deterioration which I find makes my dementia feel even worse and extremely soul destroying! YET fight on we must!
Barry ©
At night times I lay on the bed and my mind seems to go haywire in “fear” of my future, I try to cast the weird thoughts out of my mind by trying to recall past happier days but the constant ‘fear’ and my deteriorating condition cast any happier thoughts to the wayside like fallen Autumn leaves!
But I’m not just concerned about my own health; I am also very concerned about my dear wife Sumi who has to shoulder the daily burden of taking care of me all by herself, as I’ve said many times before we have no Alzheimer’s society support or no support phone lines, neither do we have any social benefits or any social security financial support, there’s nobody that could come and sit with me to give Sumi a little bit of (Time out) and there’s no respite time for me the only respite I can get is in my own bedroom!
All this weighs heavily on my mind which I guess doesn’t help my condition it just adds to my growing “Fears” and at times I feel so weak and fatigued I feel as though I am going to pass-out so I have to lay down on the bed until the feeling passes. “BUT” what I find the worst thing to cope with is the constant feeling you can get of still being aware of your own deterioration which I find makes my dementia feel even worse and extremely soul destroying! YET fight on we must!
Barry ©