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Thread: Finding it hard

  1. #1
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    Finding it hard

    My dad is 64 and diagnosed with alzeimers about 2 years ago. He used to be the life and soul of a party and enjoyed seeing friends every evening for an hour or two. Since hes been diagnosed it feels like bit by bit he has lost his social life as he can't drink anymore and doesn't want to, only a couple of friends visit fortnightly-monthly and he has become isolated. We try and get him out to family or short walks (cant do long as he has COPD) and a friend takes him to the pub to watch rugby every so often, but now he has started to leave the house when we are all at work and leave the door wide open and unlocked. We are all so worried about his vulnerability and my mum, me and my sisters try really hard to keep him entertained, cared for and safe, but he often snipes at us for telling him to stay home and has said things like "just kill me then". He seems to find little enjoyment in anything and its sad for us all to see him this way when we try so hard. We just want him to be happy and content. He used to love playing sport but his balance isn't the same anymore and he can't even play cards. I drop my dog off before work to keep him company which he seems to like, but i think the novelty has worn off now. His meds got changed today due to the deterioration in his presentation. Hoping this will help but I'm feeling so negative that I'm not very optimistic. Also struggling with the lack of understanding from some friends and some colleagues who ask things like "so when are you going to start a family" when they dont realise I can't even contemplate that at the moment. Anyone in a similar situation?

  2. #2
    Volunteer Moderator Cat27's Avatar
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    I wonder if a day centre would be good for getting your dad out & keeping him occupied?
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cat27 View Post
    I wonder if a day centre would be good for getting your dad out & keeping him occupied?
    Yes definately. Need to look in to this. Once he was used to it he would probably stop wanting to go for walks. Think it makes it more difficult that the majority will seem quite a few years older...i supoose he always had older friends too though. Thanks for replying x

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    Registered User Agzy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Amlama88 View Post
    My dad is 64 and diagnosed with alzeimers about 2 years ago. He used to be the life and soul of a party and enjoyed seeing friends every evening for an hour or two. Since hes been diagnosed it feels like bit by bit he has lost his social life as he can't drink anymore and doesn't want to, only a couple of friends visit fortnightly-monthly and he has become isolated. We try and get him out to family or short walks (cant do long as he has COPD) and a friend takes him to the pub to watch rugby every so often, but now he has started to leave the house when we are all at work and leave the door wide open and unlocked. We are all so worried about his vulnerability and my mum, me and my sisters try really hard to keep him entertained, cared for and safe, but he often snipes at us for telling him to stay home and has said things like "just kill me then". He seems to find little enjoyment in anything and its sad for us all to see him this way when we try so hard. We just want him to be happy and content. He used to love playing sport but his balance isn't the same anymore and he can't even play cards. I drop my dog off before work to keep him company which he seems to like, but i think the novelty has worn off now. His meds got changed today due to the deterioration in his presentation. Hoping this will help but I'm feeling so negative that I'm not very optimistic. Also struggling with the lack of understanding from some friends and some colleagues who ask things like "so when are you going to start a family" when they dont realise I can't even contemplate that at the moment. Anyone in a similar situation?
    Oh how I feel for you and remember so well how the early symptoms of Alzheimer's did the same to my partner. The withdrawal from Society, the change in Likes and dislikes in food and yes, the stopping having a social drink. The biggest change was when I asked her did she want me to buy her cigarettes while I was out to be told, "I don't smoke Now," an amazing statement as she swore she would die with a ciggie in her hand but in this instance not even any withdrawal symptoms. She was also a 'Wordseach' puzzle addict but the books now gather dust. So sad and so different from the happy go lucky lady that had shared my life previously but the lady I now care for rather than the other way round. Stay strong and keep posting as I've found it so therapeutic.
    “Some days there won’t be a song in your heart. Sing anyway.”

  5. #5
    Registered User KatieRich's Avatar
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    I feel for you, it's so hard.
    My dad was diagnosed a year ago age 71 but we know he had it for some time before diagnosis. He loved going out in his car , great sense of humour and got on with everyone. He declined rapidly from about October last year. Walking non stop , wandering through the night , taking a wee in inappropriate places. He was so exhausted he started to have falls one in particular resulted in a hospital stay.
    He changed so much in a short space of time .
    Is there anyone you could get to check on him though the day while your at work?
    My dad was offered a place through social services for a 8 week program at a dementia day care once a week but unfortunately it was too late for that. He is now in a care home.
    If you have a dementia rapid response team local they can be a great help. They have volunteers called sharing lives who would call and see your dad for a bit of company .
    Stay strong xx

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    Quote Originally Posted by Agzy View Post
    Oh how I feel for you and remember so well how the early symptoms of Alzheimer's did the same to my partner. The withdrawal from Society, the change in Likes and dislikes in food and yes, the stopping having a social drink. The biggest change was when I asked her did she want me to buy her cigarettes while I was out to be told, "I don't smoke Now," an amazing statement as she swore she would die with a ciggie in her hand but in this instance not even any withdrawal symptoms. She was also a 'Wordseach' puzzle addict but the books now gather dust. So sad and so different from the happy go lucky lady that had shared my life previously but the lady I now care for rather than the other way round. Stay strong and keep posting as I've found it so therapeutic.
    My dad isn't as interested in smoking anymore either! And his taste has changed. He used to love spicy curries but now he complains if its hot. Thanks for the advice re. Keep posting. I will do...its just nice to know your not the only ones.

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    Quote Originally Posted by KatieRich View Post
    I feel for you, it's so hard.
    My dad was diagnosed a year ago age 71 but we know he had it for some time before diagnosis. He loved going out in his car , great sense of humour and got on with everyone. He declined rapidly from about October last year. Walking non stop , wandering through the night , taking a wee in inappropriate places. He was so exhausted he started to have falls one in particular resulted in a hospital stay.
    He changed so much in a short space of time .
    Is there anyone you could get to check on him though the day while your at work?
    My dad was offered a place through social services for a 8 week program at a dementia day care once a week but unfortunately it was too late for that. He is now in a care home.
    If you have a dementia rapid response team local they can be a great help. They have volunteers called sharing lives who would call and see your dad for a bit of company .
    Stay strong xx
    Thanks Katie...we will try and stay strong, i just feel a bit sensitive at the moment and missing how dad was. He wasn't perfect but he was ours! Miss his sense of humour like you do with your dad. X

  8. #8
    Registered User chick1962's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Amlama88 View Post
    Thanks Katie...we will try and stay strong, i just feel a bit sensitive at the moment and missing how dad was. He wasn't perfect but he was ours! Miss his sense of humour like you do with your dad. X
    It's so difficult , isn't it. My OH is 67 and I try to stimulate as much as I can . Going in the garden together and do a bit of work , having visits of friends ( many have fallen away though) doing adult colouring , short walks ( oh has COPD too) , giving him little jobs to do , like putting dishes away , putting bird feeders up so he can see all different birds who come and feed . I bought my oh a model controlled boat for Christmas and he joint a club where they have outings to put the model boats on different lakes and he quite enjoys that . You could also try Crossroads who send a support worker to take your dad out once a week to garden centres or similar . Maybe there's a befriending service from age U.K. in your area . Hope this helps a little x


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    Quote Originally Posted by chick1962 View Post
    It's so difficult , isn't it. My OH is 67 and I try to stimulate as much as I can . Going in the garden together and do a bit of work , having visits of friends ( many have fallen away though) doing adult colouring , short walks ( oh has COPD too) , giving him little jobs to do , like putting dishes away , putting bird feeders up so he can see all different birds who come and feed . I bought my oh a model controlled boat for Christmas and he joint a club where they have outings to put the model boats on different lakes and he quite enjoys that . You could also try Crossroads who send a support worker to take your dad out once a week to garden centres or similar . Maybe there's a befriending service from age U.K. in your area . Hope this helps a little x


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    It is difficult. The adult colouring is a good idea, might see if he will do that. We all still work full time so the idea about the befriending service is a great idea. I'm sat with him now linking him with my head on his shoulder. I really cherish the moments of calmness we have together, like when I was a kid x thanks for your replies everyone x

  10. #10
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    I'm in a similar situation I suppose. I'm the same age as you (based on the 88 in your name) and my dad is 78 and has had AD since 2014. I cannot bear the thought of him in a home and at the same time I can't stand him getting weaker and more confused.

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