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  1. #16
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    Nov 2015
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    Thanks Kevin. Mum won't be disruptive of other patients she's she so upset to be going cause she's still got enough insight to know and understand she doesn't want to be there but doesn't have enough capacity or understanding of what her risks are. Mum said to my sister and I before she got really unwell that she didn't want us to be carers to her she wanted us as daughters and I think for all its absolutely killing us all its for the best thing. Her safety is the most important thing in all of this and I think deep down mum agrees. She helped pack a couple of her bits yesterday so I guess that's a start.

  2. #17
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    Mum went to care home today. Lots of rssrs2from all parties but shes there and shes safe. Not entirely sure how to feel accept numb.

  3. #18
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    Jan 2014
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    Ok .... and breathe! I had to trick dad to get him to and leave him at his care home which felt and still does feel 2.5 years on horrible. But as you said to yourself your mum is safe and looked after and your gut instincts are that this is the right time. Hope the home have given your sister and uncle advice on how soon to visit to help her settle. For some, I visited Dad 2 days later but for others some homes suggest longer, expect it to be hard whichever way you all play it and probably in for a bumpy few months, expect the worse and hope for the best. For now you can all go to bed tonight knowing your mum is safe. Post on here for advice when you need to, chances are someone has been througha the same situation or problem. Best wishes

  4. #19
    Registered User Kevinl's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by sford91 View Post
    Mum went to care home today. Lots of rssrs2from all parties but shes there and shes safe. Not entirely sure how to feel accept numb.
    My wife's been in care for just over a year now, 6 months in a secure unit and now in an EMI nursing home, during that time I've seen a lot of people come and some go too sadly and every new resident brings new visitors.
    I see the visitors looking like a child at their first day in school, teary, afraid, surrounded by strangers who all know what's going on. For many people it's the first time they've ever visited a care home and they have no idea what to expect.
    Most of the time the new resident is calmer than the visitor, just give it some time and try to fit in, learn everyone's name, staff and residents, walk round and talk to people don't be afraid of the place, enjoy it.
    K
    If you're going through hell, keep going

  5. #20
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    Feb 2014
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    South coast
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    I echo all that Kevin says.
    Mum has been in a care home for coming up 3 years now and its like being part of an extended family. You get to know the carers, the other residents and their family too.
    To start with, though, I was a bit scared too and didnt really know what to expect.
    It takes time for everyone to adjust - resident and relative alike.
    Learning to sing in a cage

  6. #21
    New User
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    Feb 2017
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    1
    My mum went into a care home about 5 weeks ago. I still have days of feeling intense guilt! She doesn't realise she is in a care home but she knows she is in a bigger house which she thinks is hers? She often says it's too big for her. I don't know who she thinks all of the other residents are though? Dementia is so hard to understand. I try to time my visits so that she is going through to the dining room for a meal then I leave. It's so hard. Sometimes she can talk sense and other times she's in another world. And that is what makes it difficult. I had to take her two beloved dogs off her when she went in. Today she has cried and said I have to take her two more dogs to keep next time I visit. Dementia is so cruel. The staff tell me that she's quite settled when I'm not there. I just have to do my best to listen and accept what they say. Time is the healer I believe - it's got to get easier, hasn't it?


    Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point

  7. #22
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    Nov 2015
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    Thankyou for all your comments I find them really helpful I've been trying to encourage my sister to come on here. My sister is going to visit on Saturday and go twice weekly I think. Mum has a slip last night and the home called 111 for advice mums absolutely fine and I did say to my sister that mum quite often puts herself on the floor or she crawls ( mum finds this hilarious) but as I said to my sister at least it happend there. It wil take a long time for us all to adjust I think. I don't know if it gets any easier you just learn to live with it I guess. Thankyou again

  8. #23
    Volunteer Moderator Cat27's Avatar
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    Feb 2015
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    Quote Originally Posted by Crommy50 View Post
    My mum went into a care home about 5 weeks ago. I still have days of feeling intense guilt! She doesn't realise she is in a care home but she knows she is in a bigger house which she thinks is hers? She often says it's too big for her. I don't know who she thinks all of the other residents are though? Dementia is so hard to understand. I try to time my visits so that she is going through to the dining room for a meal then I leave. It's so hard. Sometimes she can talk sense and other times she's in another world. And that is what makes it difficult. I had to take her two beloved dogs off her when she went in. Today she has cried and said I have to take her two more dogs to keep next time I visit. Dementia is so cruel. The staff tell me that she's quite settled when I'm not there. I just have to do my best to listen and accept what they say. Time is the healer I believe - it's got to get easier, hasn't it?


    Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point
    Welcome to TP
    Volunteer Moderator & former carer.

    Try to be a rainbow in someone's cloud.... Maya Angelou.

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