I haven't posted anything in a while, a lot has changed.
My Mum has Dementia, she was diagnosed nearly 3 years ago now. This last year myself and my family have noticed how much she has changed, we are a strong family but no one talks about it. The D word is a no no, we don't mention it. We just carry on.
November 6th 2016 I became a Mummy, I have a beautiful little girl. Evelyn, or Evie as we have all come to call her. Any other parents out there, Mums especially you know that this completely throws your life upside down. I am the eldest child of my parents, I have a younger brother too and Evie is my parent's first Grandchild. So, as you can imagine everyone was and still is super excited and happy.
I always imagined when I was younger that when I had kids I would be able to talk to my mum about it, ask questions, ask what happened to her during labour etc, ask for advice and help. I don't have that, and I am finding it hard.
Hardest thing so far. I asked my Mum to tell me what happened to her when she was in labour with me. For her to tell me her story, I already know it off by heart. Being pregnant I was interested in the specifics. My Mum thought about it, and she said she couldn't remember. A month after having Evie, I asked her again. She described the birth of my younger brother. I didn't let on, I just continued the conversation about other things. But what got me most, she was holding Evie, cooing at her telling her Granddaughter how she was her Mother, and then her Auntie.
As a family, we just carry on. I can't talk to my brother, who out of everyone knows how I feel. My Dad is traditional, he has never really showed emotion. But since he's become a Granddad, he is softer. He tells me Mum has got worse, but won't accept any help or suggestion of where he could get help. He wants to deal with it his own way, his prerogative I guess. My mum's sisters, 1 I never talk to and the other is very blunt about it, but won't say much. My husband isn't sure what to say to me, or knows how to comfort me. But he listens, hands me the tissues and offers support. I couldn't ask him for more. But I am on my own.
I am dreading what comes next. We all know what comes next, I don't want my Mummy to forget me.