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Thread: Denial

  1. #1
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    Denial

    My husband is 54 and has just been diagnosed with Alzheimers. It came as a real shock to us both. My mother is 86 and has had Alzheimers for over 10 years, so I am familiar with the disease, which doesn't make it easier I may add! My husband, however is in denial. He said he is not going to get any worse, the tablets with make it better and that we should not tell anyone, as no one needs to know. I disagree, and feel that I need to talk about it but don't want to betray him. Will he come to terms with it? Will he ever understand what this disease means to our children and our family?

  2. #2
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    Wow...a ball buster. I guess there is hope because there is a lot of research into the disease...there are trials for early onset patients.

    You have to hope that in a few years they will find a way to control this illness. In the 1980's HIV was a death sentence and now it can be controlled by drugs. Science will get there and your husband has a chance. Keep fit, eat well (lots of fish...apparently) and enjoy life.

  3. #3
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    Hi. My husband was diagnosed at 63 but had the symptoms years earlier,but kept cancelling his doctors appointments. He ,like your husband refused to acknowledge the diagnosis, didn't want anyone to know not even the children who were then mid teens. I had to tell someone so spoke to a friend at length and she kept the confidence. I now know my husband confided in his best friend too. Some 12 months after diagnosis I asked him to tell the children, and he did, without me there,which was fine. He went into a home at 70 and has been getting worse ever since. He never acknowledged it, or spoke much to me of it which now is very sad. Our daughter says he had so much he could have said to both her and her brother but never did,and she is angry with him for this. Your husband may come to terms with it,or may never want to speak about it,but you cannot help him in this I am afraid. But I would encourage him to if at all possible. Once it takes hold its too late. I'm sure you are both frightened now but hopefully you will still have many good years in front of you.

  4. #4
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    One of the symptoms of dementia is anosognosia, which means that you are unable to understand that there is anything wrong with you. My mum has this and, although she has dementia, is is in a wheelchair, doubly incontinent, has atrial fibrillation and a degree of heart failure, she insists that there is nothing wrong with her and she is perfectly fit.

    Your husband may be upset and frightened by the diagnosis, so that he is in denial, but alternatively he may have anosognosia.
    Learning to sing in a cage

  5. #5
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    Go slowly i guess and reassure him ,its all phases and stages so keep whatever works going until next stage i think.At least he has a great partner to help him.

  6. #6
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    Thank you all, my husband said he is going to tell the children, which are 31 and 26 so not young, and he wants to tell them on his own, I know that is because he will play it down, tell them he is going to be ok, as he told me. His symptoms are very random at the moment, he can be perfectly normal for hours, then suddenly says and does silly things, anxiety seems to play a large part too and increases his symptoms. I am only 45, 9 years younger than my husband, and I am struggling with the thought of being a full time carer ... and then feel so guilty and selfish to feel that way.

  7. #7
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    My ho

    My oh was told last year he has vascular dementia.he won't talk abought it and thinks the only thing that will happen is for get dates and strudel with words nothing else. . I told the kids when thay started asking why he was asking over and over again and repeating stuff .he still won't talk abought it or watch programs abought it he thinks he ok . And it's just old age he 74 in June I 58 so care for him

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