When things are not quite what they seem..................
I awoke this morning with a spring in my step and listening to the birds singing. We had such a wonderful day out yesterday, just the two of us, and today we were looking forward to buying a new phone, which we did withing 30 mins of arriving in Torquay town centre. We " mooched " around for a little longer (that means Had a look round for my overseas friends, Looked = mooched ) then decided to go to Starbucks`s for my fave coffee, a latte with Hazelnut.
Then it hit me !!! like a thunderbolt from the blue, i suddenly felt as if all the life force within me had drained away and i felt so tired i could hardly out one foot in from of the other. We almost staggered into Starbucks and i fell back into a chair with so much relief, i felt as if i hadn't slept for days. As Elaine made sure i was ok and went to the counter to order, i tried to make some sense of it?
Great day yesterday, so chilled, no exertion , only got up a couple of times during the night as i remember and felt ok first thing? Very strange i thought, and waited for Elaine to be seated before i asked her opinion, and it wasnt long before all became clear. After explaining my theory to Elaine , the look of puzzlement on her face should have given the game away, but as always, she sat listened before saying to me " Have you no memory of last night ? I shook my head.....
Norrms, she said, you had one of the worst nights you have had for a very long time last night, it lasted well over four hours and no matter what i said or did, you just carried on screaming and shouting until eventually i think exhaustion took over and we got about an hours sleep before you woke this morning and would probably explain why you felt so refreshed at first and have now just come crashing down.
I bowed my head, not in shame, but in guilt, i screamed inside my own head HOW CAN THIS BE ?? HOW CAN I NOT REMEMBER ? and mostly, HOW COULD I TREAT THE LOVE OF MY LIFE LIKE THIS ? even though i try to tell myself its the illness and not me ???
I hope we have a far better night tonight, but not as much as i hope Elaine and all you INCREDIBLE carers out there do as well
Diagnosed with dementia 9 years ago aged just 50 and quite clearly getting worse xxxxxxxxxxxxx
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