Seems So Long Ago
As we turned the corner on the country road towards the garden centre, I put the radio on. Just starting to play was Mr Beau Jangles, one of my favorites. As I listened to how he had it all, how he sang and danced, and how, even now when all was lost he could still hear the crowd asking him to do more, I felt deflated as I realised how much we had in common.
My mind raced back as fast as light to a time where I would run into the disco, straight up to the DJ and ask for my favorite track (Whatever it was at the time) I remember dancing away until my feet hurt, only stopping for light refreshment and to wipe my brow. I had forgotten how much I used to love to dance, how free I felt as I expressed myself in a way only I could!! (there`s a clue there and how the youthful blood used to run through my body as I jived, bopped and Strutted my stuff to the tunes of the Top Twenty of the day !!
Then I came back to earth with a THUD!! I remembered my illness of Dementia and my inability to remember most things, how it had stopped me from expressing myself, how it had stopped me being independent and going out to work to provide for my family as I had done for so many years. As I looked down at my hands they where white! Not because I was so cold but because I had clenched my fists so tight and was so frustrated!!! Where has it all gone?? WHY ME WHY ME? Screamed through my head time after time, the noise in my head sounded like a platoon of marching soldiers as my blood pressure rose and just as I felt I was going to scream, we reached the top of the hill, and the view in front of me was ???
I was looking up, towards Dartmoor, the rolling hills bathed in winter sunshine and yet tufts of snow were still visible right on the top of the highest hill. All around seemed so calm and surreal, and as I watched as the clouds cast it shadows across the moors only to be replaced by more rays of sunshine, as it did, I began to understand.
Those dark clouds I had just seen casting their ugly shadows across the lush green fields are just the same as the mood that had just passed through my body and mind, only to be replaced by the warmth and brightness of the sun that breathed new life into my body and hope in my heart.
“We cannot bring the past back my friends, but we can bring the future forward”
Norman Mc Namara (diagnosed with dementia 9 years ago aged just 50yrs old xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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