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  1. #16
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    Hi Tin
    Yes it is a nightmare

    I have tried to come up with a solution to keep the twins together and that would be to get an agency in They could both stay in their home job done. The problem is the other family are not prepared to get rid of the present carer. So that has put us in this situation. We have to cover the 3 days every 2 weeks. There is no spare room for live in cover so it would be respite for 3 days every 2 weeks which will just not do MIL any good at all. Or I put her in a care home and they are split up and the other family make their own arrangements . They just wont work with me so I have to do what I think is right I cant look after her Im 75 . I have done my best for the last 10 years. It seems that im being looked on as an ogre but this women wanted to work on her own and is paid really well. there's is no way she will work with any one else or share her room which is extremely cluttered. So I'm stuck care is now my only option.

  2. #17
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    carpe diem

    Thats exactly what I have done. I spent the whole day getting quotes from agencies for live in care. Mailed them over and got told that we seem to be at cross purposes they though I was getting the agency for the 3 days off every two weeks. I cant make them understand we need another bedroom which we havent got. just give up now I will deal with MILS issue and they can sort their mother out I'm on my own they have family to discuss it all with. Ive tried everything to stop them getting split up .
    The current carers room is an absolute mess and the only thing in it owned by us is the TV . So there is yet another problem. Had enough .

  3. #18
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    Can I ask whether you have both finances and health POA and whether you are the only attorney listed on them? Because if so, it really doesn't matter what your family say. You have to act in the donor's best interests
    Just keep swimming!

  4. #19
    Volunteer Moderator sue38's Avatar
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    Can I ask if you're paying tax and NI for the carer, and is she entitled to a work place pension? Whilst I can see that keeping your MIL and her sister in a home setting, and the cost of care (and household outgoings) being shared makes this desirable, this can't be a cheap option.

    The time off doesn't seem unreasonable but I can see this leaves you with a problem if there is nowhere for a replacement carer to sleep in those 3 days. Moving MIL backwards and forwards to respite every other week would be incredibly unsettling.

    From what I understand you're looking to replace this carer with a single carer from an agency. I honestly can't see any carer (agency or not) agreeing to cover all shifts 7 days a week with no time off. The rate of pay might be appealing at the outset but most people need a life as well as money. If MIL was in a care home she would have different carers at different times.

    You say your MIL's twin's family are in favour of employing an agency carer for the 3 days - how do they envisage this will work if there is nowhere for them to sleep?
    Sue

    Carer and Volunteer Moderator

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  5. #20
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    You know I will probably get shot down for saying this, but at some point the twins will be separated, and they both have dementia? are they truly inseparable? How bad is their dementia?

    If mil is self funding then do what you feel right. A DOL's will probably be put in place by the care home, it is common practice these days and it seems that what usually gets the ball rolling is for a resident to continually ask or insist to go home.

    And again shoot me down, but not so sure I could cope with a live in carer, like the one being described here.

  6. #21
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    Anney63, I don't think visitors should be allowed for the carer. It puts your relatives in danger. You don't know who the visitor is....totally inappropriate IMO.

    I think you need several carers who take turns in looking after your relatives. There is a woman in our village who has a team of carers, I think they spend a week or two before the next one takes over.

    I suspect that an agency arranges for their carers. It won't be cheap but would be on a more professional basis than your current arrangement.

  7. #22
    Registered User cragmaid's Avatar
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    who is part funded by Social Services.
    ....

    Excuse my asking but this needs addressing. Under what circumstances are the SS part funding the Carer and for who's benefit? I cannot believe that they would be funding certain hours of a private arrangement, and permitting the family to employ the same person on more hours than would be considered full-time. Again there is is the side issue of NI, PAYE, Liability insurance, Holiday and Sickness. Under the laws governing self employment, I believe that it may be unlawful for someone who is claiming self employment to work solely for one employer. However my immediate concern is that the SS participation in this arrangement seems most odd. I think that perhaps a Needs Re-Assessment is due.
    Last edited by cragmaid; 11-01-2017 at 09:06 PM.
    Maureen.x.

    “You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think." said Christopher Robin to Pooh. ( AA Milne)

  8. #23
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    Oct 2016
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    They are funded under direct payment.She pays her own Tax and NI and invoices us. We have at last reached a compromise and are going to see if Social Services can put them in a home together I can at least rest easy, I wasn't get an individual in through an agency I was getting an agency in to sort live in care how they see fit and they would have managed it We are now at last singing from the same Hymn Book and I can have a nights sleep. Thank you all for your comments it was nice to be able to discuss my problems. My MIL and I have always been really close but I think now puyying them together in a Care Home is the best if its possible

  9. #24
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    You got them to see what really needs to be done. Residential carer worked well for a short time, but thankfully they now see the logic in considering a care home. Really hope your preferred care home will have 2 vacancies very, very soon.

    If you feel you can, don't forget to post an update.

  10. #25
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    Oct 2016
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    I think that you've done the right thing.
    It seems to me that the carer needed changing, if she isn't doing things such as the daily logs etc.
    A care home for both sisters would be ideal, and take the weight off your shoulders, you can go and visit MIL now, and it can just be that, a visit, not a list of jobs to do etc.

    As an aside, I'm a twin, and nothing would fill me with more horror than living in the same care home as my other half! Can't flippin' stand her!

    I hope all goes well for you and your family. xx

  11. #26
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    Apr 2016
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    My mum and my aunt were twins and they were inseparable as children and then again at the end. My aunt was heartbroken when mum died.


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