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  1. #1
    New User
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    Jan 2017
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    suffolk
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    Friend with dementia

    Hello, just joined, a good friend of mine, she's 75 i'm 51, was diagnosed the middle of last year. Over the christmas period, she has gotten much worse, I live a 2 min walk from her and her husbands house, and she just forgot where i lived over night! The repetative questions have gotten worse.....well basically, i feel like a ***** saying it, but I am finding it hard to cope, I love her to bits, have known her for years, we go shopping together, bingo, days out etc, well used to. I hate seeing her like this and I feel so selfish saying I can't cope as a friend, how can I slap myself to stop feeling like I want to make excuses not to be alone with her now, not much of a friend hey

  2. #2
    Volunteer Moderator Cat27's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2015
    Location
    Merseyside
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    7,259
    Quote Originally Posted by Katz65 View Post
    Hello, just joined, a good friend of mine, she's 75 i'm 51, was diagnosed the middle of last year. Over the christmas period, she has gotten much worse, I live a 2 min walk from her and her husbands house, and she just forgot where i lived over night! The repetative questions have gotten worse.....well basically, i feel like a ***** saying it, but I am finding it hard to cope, I love her to bits, have known her for years, we go shopping together, bingo, days out etc, well used to. I hate seeing her like this and I feel so selfish saying I can't cope as a friend, how can I slap myself to stop feeling like I want to make excuses not to be alone with her now, not much of a friend hey
    Welcome to Tp

    Don't beat yourself up. Dementia is very hard to watch progress. Is there another friend who could visit with you?
    Volunteer Moderator & former carer.

    Try to be a rainbow in someone's cloud.... Maya Angelou.

  3. #3
    Registered User
    Join Date
    Apr 2013
    Location
    Scotland
    Posts
    3,243
    Quote Originally Posted by Katz65 View Post
    Hello, just joined, a good friend of mine, she's 75 i'm 51, was diagnosed the middle of last year. Over the christmas period, she has gotten much worse, I live a 2 min walk from her and her husbands house, and she just forgot where i lived over night! The repetative questions have gotten worse.....well basically, i feel like a ***** saying it, but I am finding it hard to cope, I love her to bits, have known her for years, we go shopping together, bingo, days out etc, well used to. I hate seeing her like this and I feel so selfish saying I can't cope as a friend, how can I slap myself to stop feeling like I want to make excuses not to be alone with her now, not much of a friend hey
    At his worst my husband went from being able to buy the morning papers to walking right past the shop and vanishing for ten hours! We never did find out what he had done during that time and before the police found him. Within a summer he had become a danger to himself and SS agreed to part fund him in a care home for his own safety. That was two years ago and he is still at home with me.

    He started day care going from one day up to the present four days and at the same time his Trazadone was gradually increased. These two things turned his situation around plus he is never allowed out on his own. That is not always possible if the person lives alone.

    I can understand your stress as I was a wreck during that period. Your friend might need the intervention of social services to find her a care package which is right for her. Her husband might have to initiate contact with them for an assessment for her and also for himself as carer.

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