But I know I really, really don't. That's a whole box of emotions I couldn't handle opening. But I feel like the lid of the box is loose anyway and the feelings of grief and loss are gradually dawning on me anyway.
So he might as well be dead.
I'm so sorry anyone who has lost a loved one and would give anything to be able to give them a hug or hold their hand one more time. I know I need to make the most of Dad being here in a body while he is. It's so hard though.
He's unreasonable and aggressive and argumentative and and shouts at us all the time but sometimes he seems normal.
He wished me luck with my exams this morning, that involved memory and empathy. He hasn't outwardly cared about anyone else for a long time now.
I know that I am losing my Dad bit my bit to the point that he's now a shell of his former self, and the feeling of loss has been so strong in the last few weeks.
I just don't know how to miss someone who I still see everyday...