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  1. #271
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    Hi again. It's now official, I'm living with a different person, a stranger and not one I particularly like. I know it the disease and not the person, I've heard and understood all that, but IT DOESNT MAKE IT ANY EASIER....I can't put into words the feelings and the frustration I feel. So often it's the simple things that set her off. I'm not going into detail in this post . It's suffice to say that whatever I do or say it's never right, good enough or even ,,,,,,,,,,I'm lost for words.
    On a more positive note, she's going out on Tuesday evening, (yes there is a God), hope she doesn't change her mind.I'm already making plans for my night off��what can I do with two and a half hours ��I'll think of something ��but seriously, today has been heavy going, but then isn't every day.
    Not too long ago, if you'd have seen her you wouldn't have thought anything wrong. Now if you were to see her out and about in think you'd know, and it's so damn sad to see.��AL.
    Last edited by AL60; 17-07-2017 at 12:00 AM.

  2. #272
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    Hi again. It's now official, I'm living with a different person, a stranger and not one I particularly like. I know it the disease and not the person, I've heard and understood all that, but IT DOESNT MAKE IT ANY EASIER....I can't put into words the feelings and the frustration I feel. So often it's the simple things that set her off. I'm not going into detail in this post . It's suffice to say that whatever I do or say it's never right, good enough or even ,,,,,,,,,,I'm lost for words.
    On a more positive note, she's going out on Tuesday evening, (yes there is a God), hope she doesn't change her mind.I'm already making plans for my night off😊what can I do with two and a half hours 😊I'll think of something 😊but seriously, today has been heavy going, but then isn't every day.
    Not too long ago, if you'd have seen her you wouldn't have thought anything wrong. Now if you were to see her out and about i think you'd know, and it's so damn sad to see. I'm too tired to go onAl😯

  3. #273
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    Quote Originally Posted by AL60 View Post
    Hi again. It's now official, I'm living with a different person, a stranger and not one I particularly like. I know it the disease and not the person, I've heard and understood all that, but IT DOESNT MAKE IT ANY EASIER....I can't put into words the feelings and the frustration I feel. So often it's the simple things that set her off. I'm not going into detail in this post . It's suffice to say that whatever I do or say it's never right, good enough or even ,,,,,,,,,,I'm lost for words.
    On a more positive note, she's going out on Tuesday evening, (yes there is a God), hope she doesn't change her mind.I'm already making plans for my night off😊what can I do with two and a half hours 😊I'll think of something 😊but seriously, today has been heavy going, but then isn't every day.
    Not too long ago, if you'd have seen her you wouldn't have thought anything wrong. Now if you were to see her out and about i think you'd know, and it's so damn sad to see. I'm too tired to go onAl😯
    Hi:

    If she doesn't eat how does she have so much energy to argue? Maybe she gets up in the middle of the night when you are sleeping and eats so she can be prepared to argue with you. Some of us women like to do that to our husbands (just to keep you guys on your toes). Maybe she'll like milkshakes or smoothies. They are pretty easy to drink & make and taste good too.

  4. #274
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    Quote Originally Posted by dancer12 View Post
    Hi:

    If she doesn't eat how does she have so much energy to argue? Maybe she gets up in the middle of the night when you are sleeping and eats so she can be prepared to argue with you. Some of us women like to do that to our husbands (just to keep you guys on your toes). Maybe she'll like milkshakes or smoothies. They are pretty easy to drink & make and taste good too.
    Hi. I think she's powered by cheese, it's all she seems to eat. She'll pour a glass of milk, drink some then leave it. I really don't understand where the energy comes from. All I do know is that she's wasting away. The dr has arranged for a dietitian to visit, that happens on the third of next month. I know how it will work out. She'll go into that hostess mode, politely agree to everything then as soon as the dietitian has left start complaining about everything suggested then ask me to grate her some cheese. It's time to prepare tonight's meal, I'll ask what she would like, she'll answer, you decide, I don't mind. Then say no to absolutely everything I suggest! Anyone know where the grater is😐Al.

  5. #275
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    My oh cheese

    Quote Originally Posted by AL60 View Post
    Hi. I think she's powered by cheese, it's all she seems to eat. She'll pour a glass of milk, drink some then leave it. I really don't understand where the energy comes from. All I do know is that she's wasting away. The dr has arranged for a dietitian to visit, that happens on the third of next month. I know how it will work out. She'll go into that hostess mode, politely agree to everything then as soon as the dietitian has left start complaining about everything suggested then ask me to grate her some cheese. It's time to prepare tonight's meal, I'll ask what she would like, she'll answer, you decide, I don't mind. Then say no to absolutely everything I suggest! Anyone know where the grater is😐Al.
    My husband as vascular dementia.only diagnosed April 2016. As lost a little weight and when asked what he won't to eat its cheese sandwiches .only ever eats veg on Sunday but would eat sandwiches but I say you got to eat dinner other than that it's weetabix or porridge for breakfasts.trying to get him to eat other stuff but not working .with reading your post most times I no things will only get harder.and I hope he don't go of cheese or he will just starv . Oh is 74 and tells people he is 70 .keep posting

  6. #276
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    Quote Originally Posted by vannesser View Post
    My husband as vascular dementia.only diagnosed April 2016. As lost a little weight and when asked what he won't to eat its cheese sandwiches .only ever eats veg on Sunday but would eat sandwiches but I say you got to eat dinner other than that it's weetabix or porridge for breakfasts.trying to get him to eat other stuff but not working .with reading your post most times I no things will only get harder.and I hope he don't go of cheese or he will just starv . Oh is 74 and tells people he is 70 .keep posting
    Hi. My oh is 60 now. A year last October I talked her into going to the Dr's using her weight loss as a lever to get her to go. At that stage I was one of the few that thought something was wrong. She's lost a lot more since. Lunch today consisted oh two rashers of bacon, it was so lean, not an ounce of fat but she still managed to tear it apart putting half of it in the bin. That's how it is all the time. If I make a sandwich she would open it up and eat some of the contents with a knife and fork, then throw the bread away. What can I say, my lunch ended up in the bin too. It is rather warm today. Perhaps I'll have more success at teatime. 😐Al.

  7. #277
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    It's weird how this disease can affect people in different ways?

    My wife used to be so health conscious, watching her diet and was strong willed about not eating anything she considered bad for her (not to mention keeping a beady eye on me!).

    These days, as she's stopped doing things for herself (including cooking), she eats anything I put in front of her, often choosing things she previously wouldn't have chosen! I try to keep our diet as varied as I can, although my culinary skills are pretty limited (being newly acquired).

    I have also had to start hiding stuff away, as she will tuck into anything laying around, like buscuits, fruit etc. I nipped out to the chip shop recently and laid up the trays before I went, including bread for both of us. On my return, she'd woofed all the bread down!

    She'll also think nothing of helping herself to our friend's crisps on the table in our local pub - lucky they understand.

    Funny old world!

  8. #278
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    Quote Originally Posted by Philbo View Post
    It's weird how this disease can affect people in different ways?

    My wife used to be so health conscious, watching her diet and was strong willed about not eating anything she considered bad for her (not to mention keeping a beady eye on me!).

    These days, as she's stopped doing things for herself (including cooking), she eats anything I put in front of her, often choosing things she previously wouldn't have chosen! I try to keep our diet as varied as I can, although my culinary skills are pretty limited (being newly acquired).

    I have also had to start hiding stuff away, as she will tuck into anything laying around, like buscuits, fruit etc. I nipped out to the chip shop recently and laid up the trays before I went, including bread for both of us. On my return, she'd woofed all the bread down!

    She'll also think nothing of helping herself to our friend's crisps on the table in our local pub - lucky they understand.

    Funny old world!
    Hi. You're right, it is a funny old world, this dementia certainly does seem to affect everyone differently. Not long ago she would have said, let's have a chippy tea, at least once a week. Not any more, in fact I don't think I've been this year. She also used to love crisps too, not any more. I opened a tin of rice pudding for her tea, she ate some but not all. It isn't all bad though, I had a couple of hours off tonight while she went to that townswomen's guild, third Tuesday of every month. Good eh' , not been for two months, thought she'd given up. Bliss😊so. Tomorrow it's business as usual, nothing to plan for so once again we'll make it up as we go along. 😊Al.

  9. #279
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    Hi Al

    I does certainly seem like groundhog day for many of us carers?

    Just heard from Crossroads that we can change our weekly 3 hour respite visitor from a Tuesday morning to a Monday afternoon. I requested a change as when I originally accepted their kind offer, I forgot that our local dementia support group coffee morning is on the first Tuesday of the month! So we've not been able to go for a while. Being an afternoon will also mean I don't have to get up quite so early to get us both sorted out, breakfast etc.

    Who'd have thought that we'd get joy out of such things?

    On the hoof is king

    Regards
    Phil

  10. #280
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    Quote Originally Posted by Philbo View Post
    Hi Al

    I does certainly seem like groundhog day for many of us carers?

    Just heard from Crossroads that we can change our weekly 3 hour respite visitor from a Tuesday morning to a Monday afternoon. I requested a change as when I originally accepted their kind offer, I forgot that our local dementia support group coffee morning is on the first Tuesday of the month! So we've not been able to go for a while. Being an afternoon will also mean I don't have to get up quite so early to get us both sorted out, breakfast etc.

    Who'd have thought that we'd get joy out of such things?

    On the hoof is king

    Regards
    Phil
    You are so right Philbo. We had crossroads 2 hours a week. then increased to 3. Also went to singing for the brain. Any little thing to get a break from the awful routine. Good luck.xxx

  11. #281
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    Hi. Not posted here for a week or two, told you I was losing the will. Nothing has changed, still the same old problems. And then some new ones. Constant trips to the toilet, constant flushing and numerous trips to the refuse bin outside. I ask her if she's OK, I either get, don't worry, I'm fine. Alternatively I get a tirade of abuse telling me in no uncertain terms that it's none of my business. I wouldn't mind but every time she goes to the toilet it's me that has to tie her belt once again. Now, about those trousers. I've finally got through to her that size twenty is way too big for her. So, yesterday finally got her to try on some new ones. Size 14, still too big but it's a start. They also have a drawstring Waist! Excellent, but still the belt stays on. Until the visit to the toilet, the same request, over and over , can you please tie my belt again. I've gone upstairs to escape for a while, it won't be too long until I'm missed so I'll finish for now. Al😐. Ps. I've considered the usual suspects, water infections, etc she won't let on to me so I'll certainly mention it to the nurse next week. Apart from the numerous trips too the loo she seems fine. Not too sure what's going on. Really must go now though 😐Al.

  12. #282
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    Well done Al

    You are a good man!

    Regards
    Phil

  13. #283
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    Quote Originally Posted by AL60 View Post
    Hi. Not posted here for a week or two, told you I was losing the will. Nothing has changed, still the same old problems. And then some new ones. Constant trips to the toilet, constant flushing and numerous trips to the refuse bin outside. I ask her if she's OK, I either get, don't worry, I'm fine. Alternatively I get a tirade of abuse telling me in no uncertain terms that it's none of my business. I wouldn't mind but every time she goes to the toilet it's me that has to tie her belt once again. Now, about those trousers. I've finally got through to her that size twenty is way too big for her. So, yesterday finally got her to try on some new ones. Size 14, still too big but it's a start. They also have a drawstring Waist! Excellent, but still the belt stays on. Until the visit to the toilet, the same request, over and over , can you please tie my belt again. I've gone upstairs to escape for a while, it won't be too long until I'm missed so I'll finish for now. Al😐. Ps. I've considered the usual suspects, water infections, etc she won't let on to me so I'll certainly mention it to the nurse next week. Apart from the numerous trips too the loo she seems fine. Not too sure what's going on. Really must go now though 😐Al.
    Hi:

    Two thumbs up for all of you guys who take care of your wives so patiently and also many thumbs up for anyone who cares for anyone (wife, husband, parents, friends or any loved one) with dementia or any other illness. It is not easy. Somedays it drains the brains.

  14. #284
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    Once again, Hi. It really isn't getting any easier, then again I didn't really expect it to. A few days ago she hit me. It didn't come as a surprise as the anger and frustration has been building for a while. My youngest daughter had just arrived home from a camping trip so my wife suddenly decided she had important washing to do, just so no one else could use it. After ten minutes I couldn't help but notice the silence from the utility room. My, crime, was to ask if she'd actually put the washing machine on, she leapt up in temper, gave me a hefty slap to the shoulder on the way past and disappeared into the utility room swearing the machine was on, it had been on just long enough to fill with water then flooded the floor when she opened it. All this because she didn't want our daughter to use the washing machine. It's silly things like this that constantly get to me. The trivial things that get blown up out of all proportion. I want to turn this post into something lighter, inject some humour but I can't, as she slowly deteriorates I just feel the life being drawn from me, I feel I want to run away but I can't, it feels like one of those bad dreams where you're trying to get away but your legs won't move. Heavy huh, sorry. There was a brief sunny spell early this afternoon, I looked out of the kitchen window and in the garden there were five or six fledglings, a thrush, a couple of blackbirds and a couple of sparrows. They were a sight to see, all enjoying the all too brief spell of warm summer sun. I called my wife into the kitchen, come and see these, she took one look then went straight outside to chase them away. Today is Tuesday. Only two days ago she saw a nesting box for sale, that's nice, she said shall we get one? Thankfully we didn't buy one. I reminded her of the times she's chased the birds from the garden. I think her hatred of feathery things may stem from last year when a magpie managed to get into my bedroom window as I slept after a night shift 😐i can't say I was too impressed either. Anyway, that's it for tonight, morning comes around all to soon, August already, the days are slowly getting shorter, as a dementia carer you'd never think so. Al😐

  15. #285
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    Quote Originally Posted by AL60 View Post

    as she slowly deteriorates I just feel the life being drawn from me, I feel I want to run away but I can't
    Al, I can understand what you feel.
    I wish I could run away, but too many things keep me stuck here.
    I care for my husband out of sense of duty and econonic interest..
    and I feel guity because I see so many people here who are so loving and caring.
    I must be a very selfish person because I'm worried more about myself than my husband.
    And I sometimes find myself wondering when all this will be over. I miss my freedom.
    My words are not helpful, I'm afraid
    i wish you a better day...or should I say better days?

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