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  1. #376
    Registered User Kevinl's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by AL60 View Post
    . I'm taking my wife to ikea, I made that rash promise today, I instantly wished I hadn't.
    A trip to Ikea was the first real time I nearly "became incontinent", I turned my back for 10 seconds and she disappeared. Ended up with staff getting the security cameras looking for her announcements on the PA system, the whole shooting match.
    We found her in the end sat in one of the kitchen set ups trying to eat the plastic fruit.
    That must be 5 years ago now so I can look back and laugh but at the time it wasn't funny at all.
    Until you mentioned Ikea I'd pretty much forgotten about it, but take care.
    To be fair to Ikea the staff were excellent about it, they handled it really well.
    K
    If you're going through hell, keep going
    If a man speaks in the forest and there is no woman there to hear it..is he still wrong?

  2. #377
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    Quote Originally Posted by Amethyst59 View Post
    I find that I can be patient if I have had enough sleep, but I do get short tempered when I have had a badly disturbed night. But I also think a lot of this depends on what sort of a relationship you have had before the dementia hits. I liken it to having 'stored' love...but if you are in a relationship where you have not received a lot of love and support from your partner, and then years and years of demands are placed on you...it can be like someone drawing on an empty bank. In that case would be impossible not to feel resentful about well...I guess almost feeling trapped into having to give care to someone you don't feel loving towards. The miracle here, is that so many people are doing this. They use this site to 'vent', but they continue to give the care.
    How do you know what I feel,Amethyst?

  3. #378
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kevinl View Post
    A trip to Ikea was the first real time I nearly "became incontinent", I turned my back for 10 seconds and she disappeared. Ended up with staff getting the security cameras looking for her announcements on the PA system, the whole shooting match.
    We found her in the end sat in one of the kitchen set ups trying to eat the plastic fruit.
    That must be 5 years ago now so I can look back and laugh but at the time it wasn't funny at all.
    Until you mentioned Ikea I'd pretty much forgotten about it, but take care.
    To be fair to Ikea the staff were excellent about it, they handled it really well.
    K
    Hi. I've got to admit, it crossed my mind. We go fairly frequently but even then they manage to change the layout and the route through. I seem to follow those damned arrows round in circles for ages. I actually know of people who know the shortcuts in there. However, I'm hoping it's a quiet midweek day, so , in, order goods, then out. Nothing like a good plan. Yet that's nothing like a good plan. As I mentioned in my last post, the dietitian is due in forty-five minutes and although my wife now knows this she's still standing by the front door ready to go.😐Al.

  4. #379
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    Hi again. We managed to get what was needed from ikea and got home without incident. The real "fun" started when I tried to empty the old shelves prior to fitting the new ones. Well the fuss that caused made me wonder why I bothered in the first place. It's not as though I'm throwing anything away, all I want to do is empty the old shelves, fit the new ones and the replace everything back on the shelves! Easy, yes to you and me. But we don't suffer from dementia do we, we suffer with it. Both myself and my daughter assembled the new shelves while under constant verbal bombardment. In a word , it was hell. I would like to have finished the task after she'd gone to bed but it requires use of a drill to make holes for cables etc. I hope tomorrow she will understand what I'm trying to achieve and either help. Or better still quietly let me get on with it. Do I sound grumpy. Sorry, I'm sure it's allowed.
    The dietitian came this morning as promised. My wife's weight has increased by a massive four pounds! I couldn't believe it, but you can't argue with the scales can you. Minutes before she arrived my wife asked me to make up a glass of complan, no problem. The first thing the dietitian said was, oh good, I see you're still taking the milky drinks, yes, replies my wife, they're very nice. That's why it's still there on the table tonight.
    So thats it then, another day over. I'm sure tomorrow will go well, I'm also sure that she'll understand what I'm trying to do. Old shelves out, new ones in. It's change, no one likes change, even when it's for the better. So wish me luck, I'll need it☺Al.

  5. #380
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    Quote Originally Posted by AL60 View Post
    Hi again. We managed to get what was needed from ikea and got home without incident. The real "fun" started when I tried to empty the old shelves prior to fitting the new ones. Well the fuss that caused made me wonder why I bothered in the first place. It's not as though I'm throwing anything away, all I want to do is empty the old shelves, fit the new ones and the replace everything back on the shelves! Easy, yes to you and me. But we don't suffer from dementia do we, we suffer with it. Both myself and my daughter assembled the new shelves while under constant verbal bombardment. In a word , it was hell. I would like to have finished the task after she'd gone to bed but it requires use of a drill to make holes for cables etc. I hope tomorrow she will understand what I'm trying to achieve and either help. Or better still quietly let me get on with it. Do I sound grumpy. Sorry, I'm sure it's allowed.
    The dietitian came this morning as promised. My wife's weight has increased by a massive four pounds! I couldn't believe it, but you can't argue with the scales can you. Minutes before she arrived my wife asked me to make up a glass of complan, no problem. The first thing the dietitian said was, oh good, I see you're still taking the milky drinks, yes, replies my wife, they're very nice. That's why it's still there on the table tonight.
    So thats it then, another day over. I'm sure tomorrow will go well, I'm also sure that she'll understand what I'm trying to do. Old shelves out, new ones in. It's change, no one likes change, even when it's for the better. So wish me luck, I'll need it☺Al.
    Hi:

    It's amazing how they can turn on the charm when others are around and when they are alone with us they are real beasts.

    Maybe she just wants to be involved with the new shelves as well. When my husband coached kids baseball many moons ago, if a parent would get too overzealous and tell the coaches better ways to do things, they would just bring out a sheet of paper and pen and tell (ask) them to count pitches. They could use info but didn't have time to do it themselves. The parent would walk off pen & paper in hand prouder than punch that he was helping the coaches & team and the coaches would be laughing amongst themselves thinking "Another parent we don't have to worry about". Give her a pen & paper and tell her to count the number of holes in the old shelves. Reason being you'd like to know which shelves have more nails & screws. Good Luck.

  6. #381
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    Quote Originally Posted by AL60 View Post
    So thats it then, another day over. I'm sure tomorrow will go well, I'm also sure that she'll understand what I'm trying to do. Old shelves out, new ones in. It's change, no one likes change, even when it's for the better. So wish me luck, I'll need it☺Al.
    Good luck, Al!
    You need and deserve it

  7. #382
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    Quote Originally Posted by AL60 View Post
    The dietitian came this morning as promised. My wife's weight has increased by a massive four pounds! I couldn't believe it, but you can't argue with the scales can you.
    No, definitely you can't.
    Neither can you with PWD.

    I don't miss arguing, obviously.
    Nobody has ever convinced anyone else by arguing, but I miss an open (even tough) dialogue

  8. #383
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    Quote Originally Posted by margherita View Post
    How do you know what I feel,Amethyst?
    You are so right Amethyst that is how I feel. 😄

  9. #384
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    Hi. Not for the first time I find myself suffering from blank screen syndrome. It's not that I don't have anything new to say. It's just that I don't know where to begin. I've felt so tired today, it's been a none stop whirl of craziness, all I wanted to do was stop, sit down and fall asleep. Now, lying in bed sleep just doesnt want to know. I don't suppose I'm doing myself any favours staring at the screen in the dark. I really do feel as though I'm living with a stranger now, not one I particularly like either, I think I may have said that in a previous post and one day soon I'll probably say it again. She's been horrible to our daughter this afternoon and then this evening it was my turn. I sometimes wonder what I've done to deserve it. When she takes off into one of her angry moods it can be quite frightening in some ways, it's the look in her eyes, the finger pointing, the shouting and that look in her eyes, almost like there's someone else behind them, pushing and goading her to do something worse. Well, this post seems to be working for me, I really am ready for sleep now. I just hope tomorrow is better than today.
    By the way, those shelves are all up now, I still don't understand why she couldn't understand what I was trying to do, I don't think I will ever understand. Al😐.

  10. #385
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    Quote Originally Posted by AL60 View Post
    Hi. Not for the first time I find myself suffering from blank screen syndrome. It's not that I don't have anything new to say. It's just that I don't know where to begin. I've felt so tired today, it's been a none stop whirl of craziness, all I wanted to do was stop, sit down and fall asleep. Now, lying in bed sleep just doesnt want to know. I don't suppose I'm doing myself any favours staring at the screen in the dark. I really do feel as though I'm living with a stranger now, not one I particularly like either, I think I may have said that in a previous post and one day soon I'll probably say it again. She's been horrible to our daughter this afternoon and then this evening it was my turn. I sometimes wonder what I've done to deserve it. When she takes off into one of her angry moods it can be quite frightening in some ways, it's the look in her eyes, the finger pointing, the shouting and that look in her eyes, almost like there's someone else behind them, pushing and goading her to do something worse. Well, this post seems to be working for me, I really am ready for sleep now. I just hope tomorrow is better than today.
    By the way, those shelves are all up now, I still don't understand why she couldn't understand what I was trying to do, I don't think I will ever understand. Al😐.
    Maybe we should give up trying to understand

    When my husband is angry (anything can trigger his anger) I leave him alone.
    What would happen if you did the same?
    Would it be dangerous/ impossible?

  11. #386
    Registered User Amethyst59's Avatar
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    Could you manage to leave her for a while, Al? I do not have that to deal with, but Margherita does, so she knows what it is like for you...I can just sympathise, and I do. Are you getting any time to yourself? I have been following your post for maybe six to eight weeks now, and even in that time, I have seen your mood deepen. Can you mention it to the nurse next time you have a visit? I think those happen every couple of weeks for you. It sounds like you need a man cave to escape to ... or to be able to get to the pub!

  12. #387
    Registered User Kjn's Avatar
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    Hi Al,
    I have read your posts but not posted til now.
    I feel for you, my m had to deal with a lot of anger and frustration with my dad. Whatever she did wasn't right , from getting him up on a morning, sending him back to bed because it was 4am, asking him to eat his breakfast, take his tablets, have a wash/shower. It is draining in itself without the pwd understanding what you are doing. Two different worlds living side by side isn't easy.
    As has been said about leaving her alone. My mum started doing this , going off to a spare room to just have some space from him. It helped though he did come looking, he did ask if he had upset her too.
    It sounds like you need some time for yourself , I don't think you can carry on as you are. X

  13. #388
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    Quote Originally Posted by margherita View Post
    Maybe we should give up trying to understand

    When my husband is angry (anything can trigger his anger) I leave him alone.
    What would happen if you did the same?
    Would it be dangerous/ impossible?
    Hi. I know what you mean, anything at all can set her off. Earlier this evening going through some old family photos, good therapy i thought, even that was enough to upset her, arguing about who was who. I do walk away but it seems like her constant shouting reverberates in my mind for ages afterwards. She certainly knows how to spoil a quiet evening. Al.

  14. #389
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    Quote Originally Posted by Amethyst59 View Post
    Could you manage to leave her for a while, Al? I do not have that to deal with, but Margherita does, so she knows what it is like for you...I can just sympathise, and I do. Are you getting any time to yourself? I have been following your post for maybe six to eight weeks now, and even in that time, I have seen your mood deepen. Can you mention it to the nurse next time you have a visit? I think those happen every couple of weeks for you. It sounds like you need a man cave to escape to ... or to be able to get to the pub!
    Hi. I managed to get a couple of hours to myself on Saturday morning. My daughter was at home so I managed to get into town for a haircut. It was the first time alone for,, probably two months or so. On my way back to the car i met a couple of people I'd not seen for some time. I stopped to chat each time and it felt good. The trouble was i felt that I should be getting home, I felt like the white rabbit in Alice's adventures in wonderland, panicking about being late. Ridiculous I know. I can't even have a conversation on the phone without her getting upset and angry. We must be due a visit from the nurse this week, it must be at least a month since anyone came to visit. And yes, I've already mentioned the anger problems to them. Let's wait and see what happens, though to be honest I'm losing any faith in had in them. It seems to me that as long as they think we're getting along ok let's leave them alone. As for a man cave, how about a nuclear bunker with a well stocked bar☺Al.

  15. #390
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kjn View Post
    Hi Al,
    I have read your posts but not posted til now.
    I feel for you, my m had to deal with a lot of anger and frustration with my dad. Whatever she did wasn't right , from getting him up on a morning, sending him back to bed because it was 4am, asking him to eat his breakfast, take his tablets, have a wash/shower. It is draining in itself without the pwd understanding what you are doing. Two different worlds living side by side isn't easy.
    As has been said about leaving her alone. My mum started doing this , going off to a spare room to just have some space from him. It helped though he did come looking, he did ask if he had upset her too.
    It sounds like you need some time for yourself , I don't think you can carry on as you are. X
    Hi. So many similarities, this could be one of my posts. I dread waking up in the morning, that sinking feeling when you wake up, it shouldn't be like that. Although she doesn't get up too early, she gets up early enough. The battles over medication and mealtimes are the worst. I don't know if you've read my recent posts about her gaining a few pounds and the dietitian being pleased. It seems my wife now seems to think that she can now give up on eating, whenever I tell her she must eat, all I get back is, I've put weight on, the Dr's pleased, it's none of your business anyway. I've had a lot of that lately. Whenever I ask her anything I get , it's none of your business. I agree, I do need some time to myself, I've known this for some time but I'm a patient person and I can wait, providing it's not too much longer. Al.😐.

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