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  1. #4411
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    Yes, onwards and upwards. X

  2. #4412
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    Hi Molly and morning all.

    No news as such here. Mum's in an aggressive phase so is doing "stuff" daily. Just despair.

    I'm very lucky that we moved house just before it became apparent to me that mum had dementia. The house is a bit big for one, I could live in something smaller, but as mum and I jointly own the house that will wait. I don't have any real emotional attachment to this house which hopefully means I won't have really strong feelings if or when I sell in the future.

    Mum has always been a hoarder, keeping things just in case they came in handy which never did. When my aunt died (an even more prolific hoarder) the amount of stuff (rubbish really) just grew out of control. Hindsight says dementia played a part in that, but at the time I didn't see it.

    Since mum went into hospital and her returning home became unrealistic I have moved on so much stuff. The charity shops have benefited as has bulky bob which is our local authority recycling facility. I sound hard, but with mum gone on a permanent basis the house needs to be my home and not a shrine to her. If she knew she would go ballistic, but honestly 2 canteens of 1950s cutlery with plastic handles, water bills back to the 1970s, so much stuff. I hope I'm making things easier on myself in the future, if I move I won't have to declutter to the same degree in order to downsize and I won't have the emotional wrench of getting rid of things when mum us no longer with us.

  3. #4413
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    That's what I did, Lavender. I cleared out and redecorated William's "office" when he went to the nursing home. I felt it would be easier to do it then, while I could still visit him. Not so final.
    We won't talk about the spare bedroom, which used to be ours! I only cleared his bedside locker recently. The rest of the room hasn't been touched. It's on the list though!

  4. #4414
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    Oh, Lavender, it's just cruel that your mum can't get respite from her awful symptoms, nor you.

    You don't sound hard. I don't know if you'd have survived to date without some level of detachment. Your sittuation is extreme.

    I love your description of two canteen...with plastic handles... Lol, made me laugh out loud.

    My dad was a hoarder, of paper. Newspapers, cheque stubs, letters, bills receipts, notifications, norebooks, brochures, business cards... House was heaving with paper. H.e.a.v.i.n.g. I know that somehow, I'll come across more thistime round, despite decluttering over a three year period, but at least the majority of it is cleared.

    Living in the family home makes it more difficult to detach, for sure. But I'll get there.

    Wishing you and your mum well. X

    LadyA, so understandable about the 'spare room', different circumstances and it's wise and self-kindness to go at your own pace with that, even if it's decades plus. ☺x

  5. #4415
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    Nov 2015
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    Hi Ya...

    Taking advantage of Mum having a sleep in her bedroom to listen to Pick-pop I recorded; currently I'm being reminded of my first Saturday job - washer-up & fried egg or Omlette chef in a little caff - way back when my only concerns were earning enough for a new t-shirt & batteries for the cassette recorder for that evening's charts Bliss

    There will be plenty of people here to search through the spoils & take what they want, leaving the dregs for my kids & I to deal with when we get to that bit Seems it happens in a lot of families ( which makes it even more sad in a way ) but I'm hoping my resolve will be stronger this time. Too many times I have caved to my sister's plans & felt guilty for suggesting an alternative...

    I was close to calling 111 Friday evening as I was getting concerned about Mum she just didn't seem...right? It got to about 9:30, I was accessing her 'symptoms' & pairing them up to posts I've read on here & - with many grateful thanks - managed to quieten my worries....all because of you wonderful folk, taking the time to share your experiences.

    I love this thread

  6. #4416
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    Hi everyone. The talk of decluttering and getting rid of stuff reminds me of the massive job I had clearing mum and dad's home just before we sold it (and a few years after dad had passed away). Dad was a garage hoarder and every nook and cranny of his garage had something tucked into it. Then there were the sheds - all four of them. I guess I could have left it, but it was just too much, so I had to deal with it. I did fifty trips to our local council dump (I counted!) and towards the end the guys there were amazed at some of the stuff I was bringing. Dad had a lot of tools. I still have some of the useful ones, but some were massively duplicated and some were very rusty, but the guys at the dump were delighted with some of them (not sure if for work or personal use!). One day I was wearily loading the car again, and I heard a bell tinkling in the road. It was a young guy collecting junk. His mother was with him. I'm not sure if they were 'gypsies' (hope I don't offend by saying that?), but they both came into the garden and carried a load of stuff away and onto their van. I was delighted. I swear dad sent them to me!

    I vowed never to amass so much stuff myself, and regularly have clear outs of various rooms. I just can't stand there being too much clutter in the house. I think it's because my parents' house was always so cluttered with stuff and trinkets.

    Went to the supermarket with mum today. If I try to buy something she doesn't like the look of, she tells me to put it back, but I've started smiling and saying "well, maybe I want it", and she just laughs, and all is well. She's dozing in her armchair now. She shouts for me less frequently these days, so glad that phase has passed. I'm really, really hoping this calmer phase is here to stay, it makes life so much easier for me. I'm also doing a lot more reading - so easy to pick up a good book, and I'm suddenly whisked away from dementia world into some exciting story, albeit briefly!

    Week one of no carer coming up. Wish me luck! I hope we get decent weather as at least I can do some therapeutic gardening while mum watches from her garden chair.

  7. #4417
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    Quote Originally Posted by Pollytickle View Post
    Hi Ya...

    Taking advantage of Mum having a sleep in her bedroom to listen to Pick-pop I recorded; currently I'm being reminded of my first Saturday job - washer-up & fried egg or Omlette chef in a little caff - way back when my only concerns were earning enough for a new t-shirt & batteries for the cassette recorder for that evening's charts Bliss

    There will be plenty of people here to search through the spoils & take what they want, leaving the dregs for my kids & I to deal with when we get to that bit Seems it happens in a lot of families ( which makes it even more sad in a way ) but I'm hoping my resolve will be stronger this time. Too many times I have caved to my sister's plans & felt guilty for suggesting an alternative...

    I was close to calling 111 Friday evening as I was getting concerned about Mum she just didn't seem...right? It got to about 9:30, I was accessing her 'symptoms' & pairing them up to posts I've read on here & - with many grateful thanks - managed to quieten my worries....all because of you wonderful folk, taking the time to share your experiences.

    I love this thread
    Was it anything in particular worrying you about mum PT? I agree that reading/posting on TP sometimes makes more sense than reverting to the medical folk! I hope she's better today?

    PS - I used to tape the charts as well - wasn't it annoying when the DJ butted in at the end?!
    Last edited by Marnie63; 13-08-2017 at 05:03 PM.

  8. #4418
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    Mar 2016
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    YORKSHIRE
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    Evening Ladies,
    If anyone want decluttering I'm you Man, I love decluttering, sometime I do it too much though then when I look for something I have thrown it away
    Hope you have all had a peaceful weekend and weather as been nice.
    It is glorious sunshine here, we have been to the coast and it was lovely all day, been around the markets and a car boot then fish and chips at the seaside.
    The sea air as made me tired now so hopefully a good nights sleep in store.

  9. #4419
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    Kent
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    I've just cleared out cupboards to have a new kitchen fitted...and JUST done some boxes I bought here when I moved seven years ago. My husband died in 2008 ...and I've only just felt brave enough to tackle some stuff. And there are two boxes in the loft...which will have to wait till I'm feeling MUCH braver. It all takes its own time.

  10. #4420
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    Chard, Somerset
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    Not posted on this thread before as when I joined it was already well established and I thought I might not have anything useful to contribute but you are talking about hoarding. That's one thing my mum does not do; all her life it has been used and discarded. It made me think about when we were selling her house to move her in with us. I went up into the loft - she said it was empty but I thought I would just check.
    It took me a while as pre moving in with me and my other half she had been suffering for some time. There was evidence of the work of at least two, possibly three, roof insulation cowboys so anything up there was just a dark mountain peak against a 'snowy deposit.' I was so glad I got up there. Mum and dad had been in the same house since 1957 - my dad died 30 years ago and he obviously knew her potential to chuck things out. I found all his Second World War memorabilia, insignia, ration cards, leave cards, letters - all sorts of stuff. Then I struck a box with jewellery in it - nothing expensive but some of it belonging to his mother, who lived with us when I was a toddler. One of the brooches I could remember her wearing.
    These things I have kept and wear a silver ring on a daily basis.
    When things get a little heated with my mum I always have a silent word with my dad and ask him what he would do in the situation. It's nice to have some little reminders and, indeed, some new knowledge of what he got up to in his own youth!

  11. #4421
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    Hi Fullticket,

    Jorgie who started this thread (absolute lifesaver) will agree you are 100% welcome to join in with our ranting and sharing.

    It's lovely that you found such precious things stored away by your dad. It seems like he put them away for you to find. Hope you will post with us again, it's a lovely bunch of people. X

  12. #4422
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    Ah thanks Lavender, this thread would be nothing without you all, our little Family
    Yes welcome Fullticket and keep posting its such a lovely thread with lovely people and we cry, laugh and just simple do what the thread says 'RANT'. How lovely you found all those special things from your Dad, I wonder how many people do not check their lofts when selling houses. I bet they do now

  13. #4423
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    My name is Pollytickle & I am a Hoarder

    I'm a 'don't throw that! It's the bit that goes on the thing when you want to Thingummy!' or 'haven't read that yet' & very definitely 'might come in handy'. Drives others scatty but I can't help it ...

  14. #4424
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    Oh Pollytickle there is help out there for you. You know what they say about acknowledging the problem being the first step on the road to recovery.

    Jorgie and I can help you to turn this around. xxx

  15. #4425
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    Jun 2015
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    Liverpool
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    Well I can beat everyone to a morning all today.

    My phone says it's 2.39 and I'm wide awake, it's not surprising as I went to bed really early. I'm sitting up with a cuppa and a shopping channel simply because it's a bit of mindless drivel.

    I didn't post earlier, but mum had another fall in the early hours of yesterday. Staff think she fell out of bed, thank goodness for pressure mats! As she fell she has hit the top of her head on the metal wheel of the bed so now she has the cut to the back (from Wednesday) and the cut to the top of her head (yesterday).

    In the past 2 weeks the consultant has increased mum's respiridone twice with no noticeable improvement to her behaviour. I know respiridone increases the risk of falls and I'm wondering whether it's coincidence or not. I'll be booking yet another appointment to see mum's consultant on Wednesday, they don't start taking appointments over the weekend, but the admin staff is in later today so I can sort it. I took some pictures of the back of mum's head, but whatever I'm doing wrong I cannot seem to upload it to show you, but needless to say it looks a sight! I don't know whether it's the dementia or not, but mum is totally unconcerned by either of the cuts, no pain, nothing.

    Whilst I was with mum yesterday 3 of the staff were hunting for a mobile phone. It seems one of them put her mobile down to help a patient and when she looked for it the phone was gone. The assumption was one of the patients has moved it to who knows where. Apparently the phone was on silent so she's no chance of finding it if it's been put somewhere unusual. Part of me can sympathise, we all use our phones so much and to lose it is a real pain, but the other side feels the staff play with/use their phones rather a lot whilst on shift. They play games etc to pass time. I'd rather they payed a little more attention to the patients at times.

    One of the nurses hunting for the phone asked my mum had she seen a gold coloured mobile phone. I think mum was being sarcastic in her response, she said oh yes I saw it, it sprouted legs and walked past me. I wonder if they suspect mum moved the phone, she's certainly one for picking up and moving things so it really wouldn't surprise me at all, but both the nurse and I laughed at mum's reply. X
    Last edited by Lavender45; 14-08-2017 at 02:47 AM.

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