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  1. #4261
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    Jul 2016
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    Blackpool
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    Oh Lavender and yet another meeting. As Jorgie said TG your Mum has got you and you are able to keep going fighting your Mums corner.
    I hope the meeting goes well and you get some satisfaction.
    Sending you ((hugs))xx

    GP came today Mum wouldn't her examine her back Passage! but listened to her stomach and all sound well she just thinks maybe as Mum is eating very little....Anyway got to give it till next week in the meantime more laxatives. Poor Mum

  2. #4262
    New User
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    Jul 2017
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    N Ireland
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lavender45 View Post
    Thank you for our kind words Molly and karaokePete.

    Karaoke Peter I promise you my problems are no greater than yours just different. There's not one jot of this illness is easy whatever stage our loved ones are at, the challenges just change. It's a bit like living in a snow globe, dementia shakes your life up and everything just swirls around you.
    That's a wonderful way of expressing how I feel at the moment. It's somewhat comforting to know that, at least, I'm not alone. Thank you.

  3. #4263
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    Mar 2016
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    YORKSHIRE
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    1,878
    Hi Ladies,
    Oh Lavender you and your poor Mum, what hope is there out there for challenging behaviour patients.
    I think the Government should pull their fingers out, start building appropriate homes and train staff to be able to cope with these poor people and give them a stable environment which to live in, instead of just ignoring the problem.
    Rosy hope your Mum is comfortable and things start moving again. x

  4. #4264
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    Jun 2015
    Location
    Liverpool
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    1,305
    Quote Originally Posted by karaokePete View Post
    That's a wonderful way of expressing how I feel at the moment. It's somewhat comforting to know that, at least, I'm not alone. Thank you.
    No you aren't alone there's so much support here on this thread and on TP in general. We are all here for you. X

  5. #4265
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    Jun 2015
    Location
    Liverpool
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    1,305
    Thanks Jorgie and Rosy.

    Certainly more needs to be done to support our loved ones. The fact that all these homes are private businesses (in my area at least) definitely means they can pick and chose and they certainly do!

    Pals called me back this afternoon they will attend the meeting too. The meeting room is pretty small, we will be packed in there like sardines! xxx

  6. #4266
    Registered User
    Join Date
    Dec 2016
    Posts
    25
    Lavender good luck.

    My SIL has a care home. She was a district nurse and went into it to care but now she is a different person. She has lots of holidays, a soft top sports car etc...... I said one day your life seems ok and her reply was so glad we own a care home it's an open cheque book. She picks and chooses and it's all abou £££££ she has 15 rooms and I'd never let my DH go there.

    Honestly go with your gut.

    Good Luck x

  7. #4267
    Registered User
    Join Date
    Nov 2015
    Posts
    391
    Never fear Pete, you will be in good company here with this lovely bunch; can't tell you how many times I've been reading this thread in the darkest of times, only to be comforted by the prophetic postings of those who have gone before in this battle known as Life Take your coat off, grab a mug of something warming & help yourself to the virtual chocolate eclairs & cream slices...they are rather scrummy but best part is it doesn't matter how many you have cus they're calorie free & won't spoil ya dinner


    Make sure you have some boiled sweets/gum/mints & especially a bottle of water or such Lavender, because it will help you in all sorts of ways in the meeting During one of my previous lives I was lucky to do some courses, & they had lots of scientific evidence showing how having a sweetie or piece of gum helps you concentrate on what's being said, while liquid - particularly something fizzy - helps move the blood around your body to cool you down.
    Have to say that I think one of the worst decisions any government has made in the past 20-odd years, was the ridiculous idea to close psychiatric hospitals & implement 'care in the community'. Mum likes watching the documentaries showing what the police have to contend with & it's pretty obvious how many vunerable people end up in a cell, simply because there's nowhere else for them to be safe Wonder how many are now placed in 'nursing homes' thereby taking a place for folks like your mum

  8. #4268
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    Jun 2015
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    Liverpool
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    1,305
    Thank you for the tip Pollytickle. Will go in armed. Xxx

  9. #4269
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    Dec 2015
    Location
    Hampshire
    Posts
    729
    Hello all, hope everyone is OK. My broadband issues seem to be solved. It seems it was a fault on the phone line causing the problem, and that may have also accounted for the crackle whenever I spoke to someone on it! The service from our favourite communications company was very fast and good, but their actual communications leave a lot to be desired ... they're just not very good at it, strangely.

    Lavender - I hope there's a good outcome from your upcoming meeting. How can there be nowhere for some people with dementia to go? It worries me too as mum can be very 'difficult' in some situations. It feels like a dead end sometimes. It's disgraceful that (a) people even have to pay for dementia care and (b) that no one seems to want some of them. What an utter, utter disgrace for a civilised world (or is it?!). Imagine the uproar if cancer patients were treated so badly. As JP says we need 'dementia hospitals', but there ain't no sign of any on the horizon, only privately owned, grossly expensive CHs. How lucky are those who are lucky enough not to get dementia, in more ways than one.

    JP - sorry to hear your trip to Ireland is off. Hope your SIL is better soon. You need that holiday in Spain, I'm sure!

    Hope everyone else is OK. Has anyone heard from HD? Hope she's OK.

    Mum still fairly settled here. I can't help thinking that maybe it's the calm before the storm. I have a bad feeling about this coming winter, based on how poorly she was with last winter's chest infection. I can't protect her from everything sadly. She is as confused as ever, but flits between calm, fairly content, and then upset. Last night was a good example. She had been OK-ish all day. I wanted to watch the Diana documentary, so that was on, mum seemed to be watching, but kept asking me if it was 'real'. I tried to explain simply what it was about, but she didn't get it. All was fine until we went to bed, then she started crying and saying how stupid she is. This is often followed by 'do something with me', and I sometimes even get 'kill me' I suspect she gets occasional flashes of some kind of understanding. This never lasts long and she can be easily distracted, but I find it heart wrenching when she says these things to me, as it seems she knows something is not right with her. It must be so frightening. It's utterly horrible.

    Was messaging a friend overseas this evening and she said I need the patience of a saint and the strength of a horse to get through this! Made me laugh a little. I certainly am not patient all the time. I've probably got more strength than patience, but most of that is just me not wanting to 'submit' to the dementia. I told myself from the start that this isn't going to beat me. At the moment I'm back in control, for now ....

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