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  1. #1
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    My dad's mild dementia

    Hi everyone. My dad has been diagnosed with mild dementia. He point blank refuses to go back to the memory clinic as he says there's nothing wrong with him. Over the last year or so he's having memory loss and concentration problems. He was out and about as usual, but is a creature of habit. Anyway, last week he ended up in hospital with problems from a leaking heart vessel, which required a two night stay. He was totally agitated and did not know where he was during those two days. He thought he was in a shop, then a restaurant, and kept trying to leave the ward and the staff had to take his clothes and shoes away. It was heartbreaking to see him like this. i took him home and he's back to his "normal" self, but can't remember anything about what happened in the hospital. He's also constantly tired and sleeping, but the doctor says his dementia will be causing this. My mum is with him all the time and says she tries to get him to slowly remember things, but to no avail. She also finds it so sad. It's so good that there is a site like this to come and hear other people's experiences at such a difficult time. Although I know I'm fortunate at the moment that it's mild dementia.

  2. #2
    Registered User Kevinl's Avatar
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    Hi PP and welcome to Talking Point.
    I don't think your Dad is missing much by not going to the memory clinic as once he's been started on medication there's really very little else they can do except monitor his condition in my experience.
    The confusion in hospital thing seems to be pretty normal too I would avoid taking him out of his comfort zone whenever possible as it can be very disorientating for him it's good he went back to normal when he got home.
    K

  3. #3
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    Thanks Kevin. Yes he definitely hates being out of his comfort zone. I don't expect the meds would work miracles. We'll see how it goes.

  4. #4
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    The best we have had out of the memory clinic is that they trigger other people and events eg if you are in Scotland (Paisley?) you will be given either a CPN or a Link worker who are great sources of information in my experience. I would also urge your Mumand Dad to go to whatever Alz groups are in their area as this can be another source of support as well as a place to talk and laugh. I recommend the football groups for Dad and the Singing or bowling groups if they are indeed in Paisley. Contact Alz Scotland for more information.

  5. #5
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    Quote Originally Posted by marionq View Post
    The best we have had out of the memory clinic is that they trigger other people and events eg if you are in Scotland (Paisley?) you will be given either a CPN or a Link worker who are great sources of information in my experience. I would also urge your Mumand Dad to go to whatever Alz groups are in their area as this can be another source of support as well as a place to talk and laugh. I recommend the football groups for Dad and the Singing or bowling groups if they are indeed in Paisley. Contact Alz Scotland for more information.
    Thank you very much for that Marion. Yes, I'll speak to my mum and dad. Trouble is, my dad is a creature of habit and finds it difficult to get out of his comfort zone.

    Since being in hospital and being very confused, he has done nothing but sleep at home and feels tired all day. Sits up for only a short spell at a time. Then back to bed again. The gp says this could be his dementia causing this. I don't know if this will change. He hasn't been over the door for two weeks now. Keeps saying he'll go out, then changes his mind and goes back to bed!

  6. #6
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    Quote Originally Posted by paisley pattern View Post
    Hi everyone. My dad has been diagnosed with mild dementia. He point blank refuses to go back to the memory clinic as he says there's nothing wrong with him. Over the last year or so he's having memory loss and concentration problems. He was out and about as usual, but is a creature of habit. Anyway, last week he ended up in hospital with problems from a leaking heart vessel, which required a two night stay. He was totally agitated and did not know where he was during those two days. He thought he was in a shop, then a restaurant, and kept trying to leave the ward and the staff had to take his clothes and shoes away. It was heartbreaking to see him like this. i took him home and he's back to his "normal" self, but can't remember anything about what happened in the hospital. He's also constantly tired and sleeping, but the doctor says his dementia will be causing this. My mum is with him all the time and says she tries to get him to slowly remember things, but to no avail. She also finds it so sad. It's so good that there is a site like this to come and hear other people's experiences at such a difficult time. Although I know I'm fortunate at the moment that it's mild dementia.
    Hi!..places of comfort become more important..and things that wouldnt normally affect them can..such ad noise..busy areas etc..it varies from person to person...there are things we do out of love for our family and trying to get them to remember is normally one of them..we have a house rule..we never say remember!!!..it can stress you and them out!...after a year or two..ive been using word association with great results.my dads short term memory shot..and he feels hes achieved something using word association..ie he cant remember say a guys name or job..I say a connection like his son or job..and he gets to it!..read up on it ..for us it works...isolation is terrible for them and you...find a new comfort zone and make it your place you go to when he needs to be out or he ll want to stay in and become so isolated...lots of people are in denial..we re only human..but my dad isnt aware how bad he is really...dementia can do that as the messages get mixed up!..get your mum and yourself to accept any outside help like the society or age uk etc...while you are still learning..because it ll be harder for them to accept later on....my dad had medication to help with alzheimers symptoms and help for sleep disorder also connected to the dementia..memory clinics are good for these!...if you stick with the mind set you are all entitled to help..then any red tape you come accross wont phase you..I wish you all the very best..keep tp ing..

    Sent from my GT-I9505 using Talking Point mobile app

  7. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by henfenywfach View Post
    Hi!..places of comfort become more important..and things that wouldnt normally affect them can..such ad noise..busy areas etc..it varies from person to person...there are things we do out of love for our family and trying to get them to remember is normally one of them..we have a house rule..we never say remember!!!..it can stress you and them out!...after a year or two..ive been using word association with great results.my dads short term memory shot..and he feels hes achieved something using word association..ie he cant remember say a guys name or job..I say a connection like his son or job..and he gets to it!..read up on it ..for us it works...isolation is terrible for them and you...find a new comfort zone and make it your place you go to when he needs to be out or he ll want to stay in and become so isolated...lots of people are in denial..we re only human..but my dad isnt aware how bad he is really...dementia can do that as the messages get mixed up!..get your mum and yourself to accept any outside help like the society or age uk etc...while you are still learning..because it ll be harder for them to accept later on....my dad had medication to help with alzheimers symptoms and help for sleep disorder also connected to the dementia..memory clinics are good for these!...if you stick with the mind set you are all entitled to help..then any red tape you come accross wont phase you..I wish you all the very best..keep tp ing..

    Sent from my GT-I9505 using Talking Point mobile app
    Thank you very much for your informative post. A lot of good tips and interesting stuff. I appreciate it very much xx

  8. #8
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    Hi

    try not to worry about how your dad was in hospital he was unwell and in a strange environment which often makes things worse. ( my dad insisted he had to get back to Scotland a place he'd never been in his life )

    many things can cause the tiredness , boredom, physical illness, lack of physical activity, depression, but the more he is active during the day the less likely he is to have problems sleeping at night, which would be a big problem for your mum.

    You say your dad is a creature of habit, does he still do or can he be encouraged to do what he likes to do ?

    the link in the letter STUCK to compassionate communication is really helpful ( i'm sorry i cannot give the link as i've not been a member long enough )

  9. #9
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    new diagnosis

    Hi all,

    Reading your post below is like a carbon copy of what we are going through only it's my mom not dad. Mom got diagnosed on Wed with mixed dementia and a clot to the brain. Mom is in denial and refuses (at this point) to receive any help from either family or the big bad outside world. My dad is her registered carer but he is not in the best of health either after having a heart attack back in April. Seeing my dad on Friday, i can see that my dad is close to breaking point. i have spoken to social services today and they are going to convince mom to accept help, but her defences are so strong. my mom is in her 80's and is what I would describe as old school, i.e. outside help means men in white coats and a nice padded room for one.

    The part that i struggle with is how to help someone when their own head tells them they are absolutely fine. I worry about my date in equal measure, as i know the stress won't be doing his heart any good either.

    Any advice you guys can offer would be so appreciated.

  10. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by digmclaren2015 View Post
    Hi all,

    Reading your post below is like a carbon copy of what we are going through only it's my mom not dad. Mom got diagnosed on Wed with mixed dementia and a clot to the brain. Mom is in denial and refuses (at this point) to receive any help from either family or the big bad outside world. My dad is her registered carer but he is not in the best of health either after having a heart attack back in April. Seeing my dad on Friday, i can see that my dad is close to breaking point. i have spoken to social services today and they are going to convince mom to accept help, but her defences are so strong. my mom is in her 80's and is what I would describe as old school, i.e. outside help means men in white coats and a nice padded room for one.


    The part that i struggle with is how to help someone when their own head tells them they are absolutely fine. I worry about my date in equal measure, as i know the stress won't be doing his heart any good either.

    Any advice you guys can offer would be so appreciated.

    A good way is that you ask someone who they respect to talk to them, that way there is less emotion, the son-in-law who's an accountant had the conversation, followed by my sister, then my sister took her to doctors, and sat through all the assessments, still not got the answer, but having brother-in-law start the whole conversation (which he did over a dew months as she didn't want to know initially) helped as he was a lot less emotional about the whole thing.

  11. #11
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    I have not visited the site for a while. Sorry for not acknowledging the latter posts. So much good advice from members and some sad posts from others.

    My dad hasn't changed that much. His concentration levels are zilch. He no longer can read books, listens to his music (which he did in bed in the evenings), or watches much tv. He's always tired and goes for a lie down. Still goes from A to B, but cannot or will not go out of his routine. Even to come out to family dinners. However, he seems happy enough in himself and my mum keeps him going. I've been thinking recently about his he could manage without her and my stomach sinks at the thought of it. Although he would never admit to that!

    My thoughts are with everyone involved in dementia, whether ir be sufferers, carers of family x

  12. #12
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    Similar story

    Wow as I read this I could have written it myself. Had a similar experience 3 weeks ago. Am going to Dr tomorrow with mum to discuss what happened in hospital but mum is totally oblivious to when and why she went in and how irrational her behaviour was. Really not looking forward to it but memory problems have to be addressed. I can hear her now if Dr says to refer her to memory clinic she will not accept it.

    Quote Originally Posted by paisley pattern View Post
    Hi everyone. My dad has been diagnosed with mild dementia. He point blank refuses to go back to the memory clinic as he says there's nothing wrong with him. Over the last year or so he's having memory loss and concentration problems. He was out and about as usual, but is a creature of habit. Anyway, last week he ended up in hospital with problems from a leaking heart vessel, which required a two night stay. He was totally agitated and did not know where he was during those two days. He thought he was in a shop, then a restaurant, and kept trying to leave the ward and the staff had to take his clothes and shoes away. It was heartbreaking to see him like this. i took him home and he's back to his "normal" self, but can't remember anything about what happened in the hospital. He's also constantly tired and sleeping, but the doctor says his dementia will be causing this. My mum is with him all the time and says she tries to get him to slowly remember things, but to no avail. She also finds it so sad. It's so good that there is a site like this to come and hear other people's experiences at such a difficult time. Although I know I'm fortunate at the moment that it's mild dementia.

  13. #13
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    back again

    Back again. Read over the posts and wonder how everyone is getting on. Thoughts are with everyone.

    My dad is going downhill. No appetite. Complete lack of concentration. My mum even puts his clothes out for him each morning. He sits all day and either sleeps, or "watches" tv. He has started getting up during the night/very early morning, gets dressed and stands at the window saying "I live here". Or asks my mum where he is. He looks gaunt. My heart goes out to him and my mum. Mention "doctor" and he has a fit! He is still my mild mannered gentle dad at the moment, but it looks like he is now reaching another stage. My mum is tired due to worry and broken sleep. It does look like this during the night wakening is now a pattern.

  14. #14
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    My dad passed away in hospital on 17th January. He had been in for five weeks. He had fallen in the bathroom and was wedged against the radiator and received burns on his back. He was admitted to hospital where it was found he had another urine infection. He then took a chest infection, which went on to be aspirated pneumonia. He had three lots of strong antibiotics, which did not work. He could not swallow, so could not eat or drink in the latter end, and passed away a shadow of himself. He slept constantly and did not even have the energy to speak. It was a blessing in the end. It was so painful to watch him deteriorating. I'm glad he is now at peace. Mum and him were married for 61 years, and it's a huge change for my mum, but she would not want him back the way he was in the end.

  15. #15
    Registered User Marcelle123's Avatar
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    Sympathy & best wishes to you & your family. xx

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