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  1. #1
    New User
    Join Date
    Mar 2012
    Hyde, Greater Manchester

    New Member - Not coping very well

    Hi everyone!
    This is my first time on this forum but it seems like it could just be the thing I need!
    My nanna is 81 (82 in 2 weeks) and was diagnosed with Vascular Dementia well over two years ago. Recently she was still living in her own home with a carer going in every morning; one morning she went wandering and fell - her neighbours found her luckily and rang my mum but it turned out they had seen her wandering round a few times before. She also had started hallucinating - talking to people and looking at 'people' that wernt there and also talking to me about me but she could not make the link that I was infact the person she was talking about if that makes sense.
    She was urgently assessed and went into restbite in a local residential care home - we currently are awaiting a care plan meeting on monday and then the social worker is going to panel to see if we can get funding for her to live there permanently.

    My struggles at the moment are that myself and my sister were the ones who took her to the home as my mum was too upset and in a way I feel guilty even though it was the safest thing for her. As well as that I see her very regularly (saw her wednesday) and she looks so fragile, her mobility has worsened and she just wasnt 'with it' not chatting and just responding with yes's.
    My mum is not coping either she cries on the phone to me about it and I'm trying to be strong for her and my nanna.
    Not really sure how to deal with this sudden decline in her mental and physical state....any advice would be great!

    I'm trying to keep positive by making her a scrapbook which has pictures of all through her life so I can sit with her and go through it but I know the day is coming that it wont be possible anymore!

  2. #2
    Registered User
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    I think you do not need advice, all you need is reassurance that the care home i=s the safest place for your nanna, and from what you have said it is.

    I remember crying when my mother had Alzheimers, i=t is hard for a daughter or son6 t-o see their mother disappear and that is why your own6 Mother is crying.

    I shed years of t5ears before she finally died.

    Your mother is in fact grieving already.

    All you can do is what you are doin6g, you obviously love your Nanna, and the scrap book is a good idea, even if it doesnot help your nanna for very long8, it will help you and your mother to go through it and talk about her, and " bring her back tolife" as it were.

    Love Jeannette

  3. #3
    New User
    Join Date
    Oct 2011
    It sounds like you and your sister are doing all you can to keep your nanna safe, and that scrapbook is a brilliant and thoughtful idea. I don't think you've anything to feel guilty about - but at the same time I know myself how hard it is to shake those feelings off.

    My 86yo aunt recently went in to extra care, she didn't want to but after many years of struggling on with carers at home I had to make the decision as she was no longer able to keep herself safe. She's settling in and the different environment and more people coming in and out is doing her good. I still feel bad for going against her wishes, but on the other hand wish we'd done it years ago while she was still able to get to know people and enjoy the place more.

    I guess what I'm trying to say is that these situations bring a whole mix of feelings up, and for most people there are no easy 'right' answers, but you seem to be doing a great job.



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