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  1. #1
    Registered User
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    Nov 2008
    Bexley in Kent nr London

    When Psychophobia & Homophobia combines

    Hi there

    Just when we had relaxed and felt we live in an age of enlightenment and equality, there comes along a Neanderthal to spoil, ruin and demonstrate that all the old prejudices are not dead but alive and kicking

    A new neighbour, whom we had never met before, confronted me on the doorstep and remonstrated that I should "do something" about my partner because he was worrying his wife and child by "looking out of the window" at them

    He asked probing questions which were obviously intended to elucidate whether he was a danger or pervert and was agitated when I was not forthcoming with the answers he wanted or that I was prepared to act in the matter

    He proceeded by saying that his type (whatever he meant by this) with a mental problem should be "sorted out"

    By now I was angry, hostile and ready to land him one, but for the fact that I wanted to calm a deteriorating situation; and he was bigger than me

    And all of this for looking out of the window, which as I recall is still a perfectly legal activity.

    So this is September 2010. But at least I know who the knutter with low IQ and behavioural problems really is!

    Thanks for listening everyone.
    Regards Robert

  2. #2
    Registered User Canadian Joanne's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2005
    Toronto, Canada
    Robert, I think you handled him beautifully. I would keep notes on this just in case he keeps this idiocy up. Recording him wouldn't hurt either. It always helps to have some hard facts when dealing with this sort of mentality.
    Former carer
    When you've seen one person with Alzheimer's, you've seen one person with Alzheimer's

  3. #3
    Volunteer Moderator jenniferpa's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
    Oh good lord Robert, what a pillock the man is. I have to say, I'm a firm believer in what goes around comes around: while I wouldn't wish this damn disease on anyone, there's a pretty good chance, statistically, that his family will be touched by dementia at some point: lets hope he looks back on this day with shame.

    Volunteer moderator and former long distance carer.

    “A test of a people is how it behaves toward the old. It is easy to love children. Even tyrants and dictators make a point of being fond of children. But the affection and care for the old, the incurable, the helpless are the true gold mines of a culture.”

    Abraham J. Heschel

  4. #4
    Registered User Jo1958's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
    Robert, hi
    I had hoped too that we'd moved on, you handled it well and should be proud of that but how terrible to have such a confrontation, as you say, in September 2010. As Jennifer says there aren't many families in the country who aren't going to be touched by this disease, I hope his wakeup call isn't too brutal.
    Take care of yourself and keep on keeping on.
    Best wishes, Jo
    There isn't enough darkness in the whole universe to put out the light of one candle (quote Hubby, 25 September 2010)

  5. #5
    Registered User
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    Jun 2010
    west country uk
    Oh God Robert! I'm speechless - almost! as if you don't have enough on your plate! What an ignorant (in the real meaning) bloke this is! What do these people think? If they have the capacity to think at all that is? I'm so sorry you have to contend with this behaviour as well as every thing else you have to cope with. as Jennifer says statistically the neanderthal will probably come up against this himself one day and then he'll know....... love to you both xxxxxelaine

  6. #6
    Registered User sunny's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2006
    omg - look Robert I think you have done Neanderthal man a bit of a disservice by even comparing him with your neighbour who is positively PRE Neanderthal. What a horrible person!
    how you could keep your hands off his neck I dont know but of course if you had done anything he would have gone to the police as quickly as his little feet will take him.
    This sort of prejudice is hard enough at the best of times, but when your partner has illness/dementia then its really added stress.

    I can only hope you get on well with your other neighbours?

    I hope he doesnt start making anymore trouble???
    Last edited by sunny; 01-10-2010 at 10:24 AM.

  7. #7
    Registered User lin1's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Near Herne bay kent

    am so glad you managed to keep your hands off him, i dont think I wouldnt have been able to.

    if this man? causes you any more probs ask the local police to have a word with him

    ive always been under the impression windows were meant to be looked out of, or have I been wrong all these years

    Daughter and former carer

    If only I could have Hindsight beforehand, oh what a difference it would make .

    Odd words mis-spelling and punctuation are most likely due to my naughty iPad

  8. #8
    Registered User
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    Jan 2010
    Tell the neanderthal that your partner couldnt possibly be looking at his family, as he had always had an aversion to looking at ugly things

  9. #9
    Registered User TinaT's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2006
    How lovely for the Neanderthal - two prejudices to get his teeth into!

    I had just moved into our new home. I had broken my wrist, Ken needed all my attention constantly and all our worldly goods were stored in the garage in boxes. We also had a very elderly little dog who was almost blind and who had been used to a large, enclosed garden in our previous home. We had moved to that land of open front gardens with no privacy at the front of the house but it was a little bungalow which suited our needs and so I had bought it. Consequently whilst I was in the garage, with Ken trailing after me in complete bewilderment, our lovely little old dog wandered onto the next door garden and did a poo which I didn't see her do. The next door young woman came and asked me to remove it which I did.

    She came to me again a few days later and asked me to move some more dog poo on hert lawn. When I saw the size of the poo I knew it wasn't from my little pet but cleared it without comment. I didn't want to cause any trouble for the corgie owners who lived next door but one, as I knew this couple were also struggling with chronic, debilitating illness.

    A few days after this the young man from next door came banging on my door demanding that I move some poo on his lawn. I asked him not to come banging on the door as my husband had dementia and it caused him a great deal of anxiety. He replied that my husband's illness was my problem, not his. He threatened to kill my dog and smear poo all over my window if it happened again and told me that my 'sort' were not welcome in the street and no one liked us (not true as we have got on well with all our other neighbours but at the time I knew no one in the cul de sack).

    I went to the police and reported what he had said as I was frightened that my little dog might be hurt by the man who had threatened to kill her. The local community police came to speak to the couple about their behaviour and to this day, some five years later I have never spoken to these neighbours again and they do not speak to me. As far as I am concerned this has been excellent as I do not wish to have anything to do with them.

    I know just how badly you must be feeling because at the time this happened to me it left me feeling so very vulnerable and alone as I knew no one in the neighbourhood.

    If you have any further trouble with this disgusting neighbour, I would say go to the police and ask them to speak to him. He should not be allowed to intimidate you or insult you and your partner in this way.


  10. #10
    Volunteer Moderator Izzy's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2003
    Just read this thread - and wow. It beggars belief. Thank goodness he was bigger than you Robert, it might have been you in trouble. You must have felt like doing him a serious injury. I know it's a while since your original post so I hope things have been OK for you. Maybe, as in Tina's experience, a visit from the police would sort him out if he continues with this kind of threatening behaviour. x
    Former Carer and Volunteer Moderator


    Ca canny but ca awa.

  11. #11
    Registered User imac.girll1's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2009
    I like Izzy have just caught up with this post and know that it is a while ago, how is the situation, has it improved any or is Mr Neanderthal still rubbing sticks together

    Maybe if his wife and child spoke and chatted he would realise that you are what you are, a loving and caring couple who do not deserve this sort of behaviour!

    Sigh why cant we all live in peace!


    Daughter & Carer

    Yesterday, Today, Tomorrow No 2 The Same!

  12. #12
    Volunteer Moderator Grannie G's Avatar
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    Apr 2006
    This is a very old Thread.
    Although the message is still pertinent, the situation of the posters involved may have changed so I am closing it.


    Former Carer

    I cried because I had no shoes until I met a man who had no feet

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