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  1. #1
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    Incontinence pants/pads

    My mum has been diagnosed with early stages of dementia symptons include poor memory, repetitiveness, forgetfullness and now incontinence problems which seem to be getting worse. Mum still lives at home with my dad and has regular 'accidents'. I have purchased disposable tenor pants for her but she is extremely stubborn and refuses to even try them. My dad reminds her regularly to use the toilet but she just tells him not to treat her like a child! I speak to her with respect and understanding and and try to get her to try the pants. She says she will do. But my dad advises me that come the next day when he reminds her about the pants she simply shouts at him and says they are for old people! Please can anyone advise me on how I can get her to just try the disposable pants when my dad asks her to. Thank you.

  2. #2
    Registered User jimbo 111's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by dslick View Post
    My mum has been diagnosed with early stages of dementia symptons include poor memory, repetitiveness, forgetfullness and now incontinence problems which seem to be getting worse. Mum still lives at home with my dad and has regular 'accidents'. I have purchased disposable tenor pants for her but she is extremely stubborn and refuses to even try them. My dad reminds her regularly to use the toilet but she just tells him not to treat her like a child! I speak to her with respect and understanding and and try to get her to try the pants. She says she will do. But my dad advises me that come the next day when he reminds her about the pants she simply shouts at him and says they are for old people! Please can anyone advise me on how I can get her to just try the disposable pants when my dad asks her to. Thank you.
    Hello dslick
    My wife refused to wear pull up pants
    she was a very 'private 'woman and I was washing about eight pairs of pants a day
    Her carers answered my problem
    They called them 'paper knickers' and told her they would save 'poor old Jim ' a lot of work and embarrassment if she wore them
    It worked
    jimbo
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  3. #3
    Volunteer Host Shedrech's Avatar
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    hello dslick
    a warm welcome to TP
    to be honest, I doubt if you will ever 'persuade' your mum - sadly, the part of her brain that can process rationally has been damaged by the dementia, so explanations, arguments ... just won't be grasped as all your mum sees now is her own point of view - and she can no longer retain any explanation, so each time you are back to square one
    so resort to the sneaky, and to 'love lies'
    eg hide all her underwear and replace with the 'new' pants - don't comment or explain, just behave as though they have always been there
    hopefully, your mum will just put them on
    if she says anything, calmly aplogise and say you need to do a big wash so there's nothing else, and leave the room ... do not discuss - if she brings it up again, say exactly the same, don't add anything, don't explain
    it's easier said than done, I know - my dad would just argue and argue and fed off the interaction so became more and more convinced that he was right, so more and more angry - the best thing I could do was walk away (gosh how often I had to just pop to the loo) then leave him to settle and go back with a smile on my face and a coffee and chocolate biscuit (he loves them, and can't argue while he's munching)
    best wishes
    And all shall be well and
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  4. #4
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    Incontinence pants

    Quote Originally Posted by jimbo 111 View Post
    Hello dslick
    My wife refused to wear pull up pants
    she was a very 'private 'woman and I was washing about eight pairs of pants a day
    Her carers answered my problem
    They called them 'paper knickers' and told her they would save 'poor old Jim ' a lot of work and embarrassment if she wore them
    It worked
    jimbo
    Hello jimbo, thank you for your comments I will certainly give your suggestion a go. Xx

  5. #5
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    Incontinence pants

    Quote Originally Posted by Shedrech View Post
    hello dslick
    a warm welcome to TP
    to be honest, I doubt if you will ever 'persuade' your mum - sadly, the part of her brain that can process rationally has been damaged by the dementia, so explanations, arguments ... just won't be grasped as all your mum sees now is her own point of view - and she can no longer retain any explanation, so each time you are back to square one
    so resort to the sneaky, and to 'love lies'
    eg hide all her underwear and replace with the 'new' pants - don't comment or explain, just behave as though they have always been there
    hopefully, your mum will just put them on
    if she says anything, calmly aplogise and say you need to do a big wash so there's nothing else, and leave the room ... do not discuss - if she brings it up again, say exactly the same, don't add anything, don't explain
    it's easier said than done, I know - my dad would just argue and argue and fed off the interaction so became more and more convinced that he was right, so more and more angry - the best thing I could do was walk away (gosh how often I had to just pop to the loo) then leave him to settle and go back with a smile on my face and a coffee and chocolate biscuit (he loves them, and can't argue while he's munching)
    best wishes
    Hello shedrech, thank you for your explanations and suggestions. I think the 'love lies' is definitely the way forward with my mum. I know my dad will also find comfort from your words. Thank you. Xx

  6. #6
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    I got mum to wear Boots Staydry pads first, they would go into her knickers. Did this because she was putting loads of loo paper in them and so it was relatively easy to get her to use the pads, after a while started using pull ups, but still putting a pad in, became ingrained behaviour.

  7. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tin View Post
    I got mum to wear Boots Staydry pads first, they would go into her knickers. Did this because she was putting loads of loo paper in them and so it was relatively easy to get her to use the pads, after a while started using pull ups, but still putting a pad in, became ingrained behaviour.
    Hi Tin

    My dad's just starting down the path of incontinence and we have been using pads in his pants but I've bought some pull ups as he's getting worse. Obviously changing the pullups is much more of a faff than pads so does it work well putting a pad in?Presumably the pad can then just be changed as with normal pants? How does your mum cope with the bulk? Did it take her long to get used to it?

  8. #8
    Volunteer Host Shedrech's Avatar
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    hi Bunpoots
    check that the pullups are the kind that can tear down each side seam as it makes them much easier to take off (a carer in dad's home showed me this, after I'd been pulling them off like normal underpants) - still have to then take off trousers to put on new pullup, but the least pleasant bit is made easier
    dad seemed to notice the bulk more with underpants and large pads, at least pullups stay in place and the 'pad' can't be pulled out - not sure about a pullup and a pad
    And all shall be well and
    All manner of thing shall be well
    Julian of Norwich & T S Eliot

  9. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bunpoots View Post
    Hi Tin

    My dad's just starting down the path of incontinence and we have been using pads in his pants but I've bought some pull ups as he's getting worse. Obviously changing the pullups is much more of a faff than pads so does it work well putting a pad in?Presumably the pad can then just be changed as with normal pants? How does your mum cope with the bulk? Did it take her long to get used to it?
    The pads I mentioned are not that bulky and yes allowing this 'habit' to continue has made it easier for me to change mum because she now wears trousers I am able to just remove the pad and she still has the pull ups on all dry. With the pads I no longer remove the paper to expose the sticky bits. I change this pad 2 or 3 times during the day. At the end of the day I do not put in a pad she just has the pull ups and they are usually wet when I change mum for bed. Note though, I do not do this in the false believe that I have doubled the absorbancy - does not work like that. I do this simply for ease of managing mum's incontinence. I hold the pad up and in place while mum pulls up the pants.

    I cannot remember how long it took for mum to get used to this, I just persisted.

  10. #10
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    Thanks guys. I already knew about the tear down sides - Dad also seems to have found that out too. Not sure wether that was while he was putting them on or taking off. They were still clean and dry...

  11. #11
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    Mum had used paper knickers years ago when she went on holiday. When the time came that she needed pull-ups I presented them as paper knickers again. I also removed everything else so that she couldn't forget.

  12. #12
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    I'm sure you are... - but please make sure that you have your mum's urine checked regularly as UTI's can be the cause of changes in continence. Such a difficult time for you all trying to come to terms with this.

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