Walking

[Bunpoots]

Hi. My dad's mobility is getting worse and if he stops walking I don't see how he can continue to live at home on his own. I keep trying to persuade him to come out for a walk (while he still can) Sometimes I can get him to walk round his small garden, sometimes he won't move from the sofa except to get something to eat or go to the loo.

Is there anything I can do to improve his situation. Should I talk to his GP to get advice in the first place? Or would it be better to speak to someone else and if so who?

Has anyone got any bright ideas as to how I can cajole him into moving? There are only so many times I can take him to the supermarket or the garden centre, and then only if he's in the mood...

[father ted]

Bun boots, you don't say how old your Dad is or if he has any medical condition that may make walking painful- bad feet, ulcers, arthritis etc.

If this is not the case I am not sure what to suggest. Over the last 2 years my Mum's mobility has become very limited and never wants to go out anywhere if she has to walk. She now walks around indoors with a frame but she is old tired and has arthritis so I can't expect anymore.

[Tin]

If there is no pain, not sure how you can solve this one. You say he lives alone, is it then not possible that he is moving around his home more than you know and that he just does not want to leave his house, is he climbing a staircase without help?

[Bunpoots]

Thanks for your replies. Dad is 88 and he had a diagnosis of heart failure last year which has gradually slowed him down. I don't expect him to go for a long walk anywhere anymore and he won't use a wheelchair as he says "I can walk a long way - just slowly"

He lives in a bungalow so couldn't be sure how he'd cope with stairs but he manages the steps up into the pub I take him for lunch (without help or even a handrail).

His GP thinks he's depressed and needs to get out more but how am I supposed to achieve this? Dad won't go to daycare or singing for the brain. I can only get him to leave the house if food is on offer. I've gained 2 stone in the last two years caring for him eek: and I'm worried I'll get the blame for failing him as I'm his named carer.

I have a brother who lives in the same county and turns up bi-monthly and a sister who lives 70 miles away and comes to give me a break occasionally for a weekend. They're both too busy with their own lives to help

Perhaps I have to accept that there is nothing I can do. I know I can't make him better and ,at 88, he's lived longer than any of his brothers did. He likes his own company and I can't see him doing well in a home if it comes to that.

He's not the only one who's fed-up!

[marionq]

Bunpoots I feel sad when older people refuse to go to daycare or Alz groups because they would get so much out of it. John is 84 and needs to be kept occupied which means other people as I am his sole carer and like you I'm limited in what I can do for him. You have started me wondering why we don't give more publicity to all that the care centres do. Could it be that if it looks too good they wouldn't be able to cope with the demand?

On Wednesday Johnwas out on a barge with his group. Yesterday he had a manicure, a sing song and a quiz, today a trip to a football ground. Most of all he had company from people who care about him.

We definitely need more of these excellent centres and maybe fewer long term care centres would be needed.

[Bunpoots]

I agree Marion and I've not given up yet. I've been with him to look at these places with him and they look like fun to me but short of tying him up and bungling him in the car maffia style I don't know how to get him there...

[Fullticket]

I can't praise the care centres/groups/activities enough. They keep the interest in life going - we are really lucky to have at least four different groups here and the day care at the care home is excellent. It keeps mum's interests in craft, music, nature, quizzes etc. etc going, especially the music. I leave her at these groups as, if I am with her, she just sits and looks to me to do the work for her and at home, although she knits up a storm at a group, she just sits and looks at the wool and pulls a face when encouraged to knit something by me. Left on her own at these places I have been told she 'comes to life,' particularly if singing is involved. She walks with a frame and is adamant that she does not do outdoors but a few weeks ago walked to a local cafe for tea and a bun when encouraged by care home staff. She also joined in some dancing the other week - proper dancing, I think it was foxtrot!
Needless to say when we first moved here she refused point blank to go to any suggested groups but a lovely lady from social services (part of the rehab team I think) took her just for a look to the four different groups, where she enjoyed herself. After that I didn't go into great depth about where we were going, just said we were going out, delivered her to the group where the experts take over from me and she enjoys her mornings out. If asked, she does not know what day it is, where she goes each week or what she does there. What it taught me was that a little bit of assertiveness/positivity goes a long way.

[Risa]

Hi Bunpoots

Would it be worth trying to get a befriender or sitter to spend time with your Dad and maybe they could get him out and about for a little while? My Mum won't go to a daycare either (although we haven't given up trying) but she does get on with a sitter and I think it is good for her to get used to the company of people other than family (and allow Dad to have a break!).

I would definitely recommend a visit to a chiropodist in case your Dad has any problems with his feet. Mum went to one recently to have her toe nails cut and he discovered that Mum had corns under her big toe. Poor Mum must have been in pain but she never complained or showed that she was in pain She had been walking slowly but we put that down to the dementia.

[Bunpoots]

Thanks for your suggestions. I will get the chiropodist out to check his feet and cut his nails. We're lucky to have a mobile one close by. I don't think he has any problems but it can't hurt to check.

I'll try just saying we're going out but he normally asks where. Maybe I can get away with "let's see what we can find" or something... If I could just get him to go somewhere for one day a week it would be good then I'd have something in place for when he does get worse.