My husband's funeral finally took place yesterday, nearly four weeks after his death. It seemed such a long gap, and as the day came closer I dreaded it more and more. But in so many ways, it was actually a lovely day. We had a woodland burial, quite close to home, no religious service as he "didn't do" God, so about 40 so us, friends and family, including our two lovely grandsons of 2 and 5 who he loved dearly, gathered at his graveside in a beautiful setting with the sun shining and the birds singing. Many of us had memories to share about my husband, and had come with a few words to read out to all, and my daughters and I had brought some compost from his garden compost heap which we shared in scattering. Five year old Oliver nearly hurled himself into the grave in his enthusiasm! We all went back to our house to raise a glass in my husband's memory and to share some lunch. The sun continued to shine so we could spread out into the garden, the last guest left late afternoon, all having said what a really lovely funeral it had been, and what a fitting place to lay my husband to rest, he such a keen vegetable grower and lover of the great outdoors.
I woke early this morning, crying, feeling so sad, but today is the start of the rest of my life, I am going out with dear friends to visit a lovely house and garden, have lunch and walk and talk. 50 years is a long time, it feels so strange without him, but the last six were so challenging with Alzheimer's, and the time since just after Christmas until his death has been the hardest ever, I hope gradually to replace these immediate memories with those of happier times. I thought I had reached the end of logging into this amazing forum but I feel a strange compulsion to keep coming back to seeing how you all doing, the forum has been such a comfort to me over these years though I've not been a great poster. I've found so much advice and love as well as practical help, so thank you all so much.