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Thread: I feel broken

  1. #1
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    I feel broken

    My Dad has Alzheimer's and Parkinson's - we are an extremely close family and support each other at every turn. My Dad is in a nursing home where they are so wonderful to him and we visit constantly and on Friday I just broke down and the matron took me into her room and was beyond compassionate (her own father has the disease) so methinks she understood every word I was saying. She told me that Dad is dying slowly and that Mum & I just need to keep doing what we are doing. The thing is, I am trying to be strong for Mum but I feel a mess. Sometimes I cannot function properly and see Dad's lovely face before I go to sleep and first thing in the morning. It really haunts me as he looks stressed most of the time and hunched over with the Parkinson's. I became a grandmother for the first time 4 weeks ago and the high I felt was amazing and it lifted us all but then we took the baby to meet her Great Granddad and he was on an awful day so he didn't respond at all. He would have idolised her and this got to me. It's like being on a rollercoaster ride and emotions all over the place and my Mum's stress levels are so bad - she stresses over the most tiny thing but I know that it's not really that. I really do feel broken and cannot concentrate on anything anymore - at least I have my beautiful new granddaughter to focus on. I really don't know how much more my Dad's mind and body can take as the Parkinson's is taking its toll and sometimes his head is on his knees. Just getting ready now to pick up Mum and go to see him and I have this feeling in the pit of my stomach that just won't go away. Anyway, thank you for this site as I see other heartbreaking stories and know that we are not alone. I want Dad to have peace and although I don't think it will be too long, it is too long (if that makes any sense). I love the bones of him.

  2. #2
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    Oh, Lorraine, here comes a great big bear hug.....My heart is breaking for you...It must be SO hard being strong for both you and your mother....and your beloved dad.

    There's so much compassion and understanding on here; you can cry your eyes out and everyone understands..

    The amazing thing is that we somehow find the strength to keep going; goodness knows where that comes from. But this forum can be a wonderful sanctuary, filled with invisible friends who can understand exactly how you're feeling.

    Sending loads of love....
    What will survive of us is love. ( Philip Larkin.)

  3. #3
    Registered User cragmaid's Avatar
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    Lorraine, congratulations on your beautiful new granddaughter.
    Poor you, you are being pulled in many directions at once, all the while grieving for your Dad.
    Try to take the little one to visit Dad when you can, I have some very precious memories of my granddaughters pinching Mum's mint imperials and bringing her glasses of water from the cooler.
    Your Mum needs to see a bit of normality sometimes too.

    It's heartbreaking having to be the grownup sometimes. Love Maureen.x.x
    Maureen.

    “You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think." said Christopher Robin to Pooh. ( AA Milne)

  4. #4
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    It's the dying slowly bit which is so hard to come to terms with.

    Sending hugs
    x

  5. #5
    Registered User stanleypj's Avatar
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    I really feel for you Lorraine. My wife Sue also has AD and PD and is also in a nursing home. I am always apprehensive on my way to visit, never knowing what I might find. I suppose I am relatively fortunate in that Sue rarely seems to be stressed. She is very tired for most of the time and one of my chief concerns is getting as much food and drink into her as possible as she has lost a lot of weight.

    I've known that Sue is dying slowly for many, many years and we are lucky to have had quite a few years when the diseases still allowed us to do things that Sue got some enjoyment from. I'm not sure how it would help me or her to concentrate on the fact that she is dying - we all are, if you think about it. Of course, the times when I am aware that she has declined further are very difficult,. but mostly I try to just keep giving her food and drink, to keep talking to her and sometimes getting a response and to keep trying to get the NH to sort out concerns. I suppose we are relatively fortunate

    I think you are very brave to face up to your Dad's situation all the time. Many TP members, like you, express the wish that their loved ones' suffering should end. No-one should criticise you for this feeling.
    See my blog at: http://adventureswithdementia.blogspot.co.uk

    There is no 'they': Everyone is different.

  6. #6
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    Quote Originally Posted by stanleypj View Post
    I really feel for you Lorraine. My wife Sue also has AD and PD and is also in a nursing home. I am always apprehensive on my way to visit, never knowing what I might find. I suppose I am relatively fortunate in that Sue rarely seems to be stressed. She is very tired for most of the time and one of my chief concerns is getting as much food and drink into her as possible as she has lost a lot of weight.

    I've known that Sue is dying slowly for many, many years and we are lucky to have had quite a few years when the diseases still allowed us to do things that Sue got some enjoyment from. I'm not sure how it would help me or her to concentrate on the fact that she is dying - we all are, if you think about it. Of course, the times when I am aware that she has declined further are very difficult,. but mostly I try to just keep giving her food and drink, to keep talking to her and sometimes getting a response and to keep trying to get the NH to sort out concerns. I suppose we are relatively fortunate

    I think you are very brave to face up to your Dad's situation all the time. Many TP members, like you, express the wish that their loved ones' suffering should end. No-one should criticise you for this feeling.
    I read your post and feel exactly the same. My dad is going nto an emi unit tomorrow. I also have recently had a beautiful grandson, but nothing relieves the pain we enduar seeing our parents like this X

  7. #7
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    Thank you for your kind words...I'm so touched and overwhelmed by everyone's comments. XXX



    QUOTE=Rageddy Anne;1392638]Oh, Lorraine, here comes a great big bear hug.....My heart is breaking for you...It must be SO hard being strong for both you and your mother....and your beloved dad.

    There's so much compassion and understanding on here; you can cry your eyes out and everyone understands..

    The amazing thing is that we somehow find the strength to keep going; goodness knows where that comes from. But this forum can be a wonderful sanctuary, filled with invisible friends who can understand exactly how you're feeling.

    Sending loads of love....[/QUOTE]

  8. #8
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    Thank you, and the warmth everyone has given to me is so very kind XXX

    QUOTE=cragmaid;1392641]Lorraine, congratulations on your beautiful new granddaughter.
    Poor you, you are being pulled in many directions at once, all the while grieving for your Dad.
    Try to take the little one to visit Dad when you can, I have some very precious memories of my granddaughters pinching Mum's mint imperials and bringing her glasses of water from the cooler.
    Your Mum needs to see a bit of normality sometimes too.

    It's heartbreaking having to be the grownup sometimes. Love Maureen.x.x[/QUOTE]

  9. #9
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    Thank you, I'm overwhelmed by the support XXX


    QUOTE=Madge99;1392879]It's the dying slowly bit which is so hard to come to terms with.

    Sending hugs
    x[/QUOTE]

  10. #10
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    Big hugs and empathy XXX

    QUOTE=heleb82;1392930]I read your post and feel exactly the same. My dad is going nto an emi unit tomorrow. I also have recently had a beautiful grandson, but nothing relieves the pain we enduar seeing our parents like this X[/QUOTE]

  11. #11
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    Thank you so very much, I feel for you too. It's agonising going through this. I so appreciate your warmth and empathy. We try to get Dad to eat and drink too sometimes successfully and other times not so much. I'm overwhelmed by everyone's responses. Big hug to you XXX


    QUOTE=stanleypj;1392907]I really feel for you Lorraine. My wife Sue also has AD and PD and is also in a nursing home. I am always apprehensive on my way to visit, never knowing what I might find. I suppose I am relatively fortunate in that Sue rarely seems to be stressed. She is very tired for most of the time and one of my chief concerns is getting as much food and drink into her as possible as she has lost a lot of weight.

    I've known that Sue is dying slowly for many, many years and we are lucky to have had quite a few years when the diseases still allowed us to do things that Sue got some enjoyment from. I'm not sure how it would help me or her to concentrate on the fact that she is dying - we all are, if you think about it. Of course, the times when I am aware that she has declined further are very difficult,. but mostly I try to just keep giving her food and drink, to keep talking to her and sometimes getting a response and to keep trying to get the NH to sort out concerns. I suppose we are relatively fortunate

    I think you are very brave to face up to your Dad's situation all the time. Many TP members, like you, express the wish that their loved ones' suffering should end. No-one should criticise you for this feeling.[/QUOTE]

  12. #12
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    A massive thank you

    A massive thank you to everyone's comments and I hope I've not missed anyone. I'm relatively new to using it so am finding my way around.

    I empathise with you all and send Big hugs all round XXX

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