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  1. Champers

    Feels very odd clearing his house

    I’m afraid in the end, I took the coward’s way out. We lost both Mother and MIL this year so had two houses to clear out and as we’re both only children, it fell squarely on our shoulders. In the end I persuaded OH that by the time we hired skips and did innumerable trips to the tip (that’s...
  2. Champers

    Moral dilemma.

    Just a quick update and yet another moral dilemma I had to face. I hope this one, however, will reassure others that may well have to face the same one that it will be OK. After organising Mother’s funeral, and because she specifically wanted a Catholic service at her cremation, the earliest...
  3. Champers

    Moral dilemma.

    Thank you all for your replies. Ever single one resonates with me, particularly Grannie G/Sylvi. “I didn'`t grieve for my mother either. She gave me a hard time as a child and as a carer. It was a relief when I was freed from my duty.” Wow, this is exactly how I would sum up the whole...
  4. Champers

    Moral dilemma.

    Mother fell on Monday and broke her hip, never regained consciousness and just faded away on Tuesday afternoon. I popped in to visit her at around 4pm. It was pretty clear she was close to the end as she was very cool and her breathing was shallow. I told her she was loved and said my goodbyes...
  5. Champers

    Moral dilemma.

    Thank you all so much. Your thoughts are truly appreciated. Xxx
  6. Champers

    Moral dilemma.

    Incredibly, Mother is still here. She sleeps 95% of the time but is still eating and drinking small amounts and takes herself to her en-suite toilet in the CH. I think everyone is quite amazed. We’re all in this kind of limbo. We know it will be any time and every time the phone rings I’m...
  7. Champers

    Moral dilemma.

    Thank you all so much. You are all truly appreciated. Xx
  8. Champers

    Moral dilemma.

    Visited Mother today and I think we’re now entering the last 24-48 hours. She’s wanted to stay in bed the last few days and is sleeping most of the time and refusing food and drink. She also has a yellowy sunken look to her face and is complaining that she’s cold. She recognised me when I sat by...
  9. Champers

    What to do when a parent no longer knows her children?

    Totally with all the above. it is quite a shock and hard to absorb when you first realise your parent or OH can’t place you, but I’m afraid you have to accept it. It’s so tough. I spend the whole of my visits to Mother in her CH answering questions about family members that she either thinks...
  10. Champers

    Left to our own devices...

    Hi Alibear! You sound pretty well organised - the POA is a must. Have you got both Health/Welfare and Finance? They both made dealing with everything so much easier with regard to my mother. My understanding and experience is; if your mother is self funding, you have more choices about care...
  11. Champers

    What to do for the best

    I think it sounds like you should be actively moving your mother to a care home now. I know it’s very difficult to know exactly when to make that decision but probably slightly too early than too late when something drastic has happened. The fact she is ringing 999 without realising the...
  12. Champers

    My mother has Early onset Alzheimer's its difficult.

    I think it also takes time for us relatives to fully absorb and get our heads around the diagnosis too. I knew something wasn’t quite right with Mother for quite a few months. She’s always made odd and inappropriate comments for amusement - that’s just her - but she started saying some...
  13. Champers

    Moral dilemma.

    I’m in tears from your kind words DofD - I can’t thank you enough, you have given me amazing comfort and your virtual hugs are truly appreciated. To be fair to the haematologist when she spoke to me, she said exactly that; “I’ll notify and instruct the palliative care team to get everything in...
  14. Champers

    Moral dilemma.

    I truly thank you all. I really appreciate the reassurances. I suppose if the medics could do something and thought it would make a difference - they would - and that the decision has already really been made. They just needed my affirmation.
  15. Champers

    Moral dilemma.

    After several different blood tests, I’ve received a call from the haematologist. She is 99% sure that Mother does have multiple myeloma - all the classic symptoms, markers etc. She thinks that we might be talking about days rather than weeks as the kidneys are virtually shutting down. She told...
  16. Champers

    Don’t want to become a carer.

    Absolutely concur with all the above posts. Another only child married to another only child here too, and although there is the guilt monkey on your shoulder, there is no law which says you have to look after your parents. In the past, I’m ashamed to admit I’ve often been very judgemental...
  17. Champers

    Does visiting ever get any easier?

    12 weeks ago today that I moved Mother in her CH. I visited her today and for two visits running not once has she mentioned “going home” or talked about packing her things and walking out. Have we turned a corner? I know anything can change with dementia, but it was so much more pleasant to...
  18. Champers

    Wanting to go home?

    Seconded here. Mother and MIL both did this. My mother, for months, kept talking about “going home” even though she was living and had lived in her house for nearly 60 years. She also kept mentioning that she needed to leave because “the house belongs to another family” She’s now in a CH and...
  19. Champers

    Looking after pets

    Strangely, it was a neighbour telling me that Mother’s cat was not being fed and full of fleas that was the final straw. She always loved her cat, it was always her priority and it gave her great companionship. I think I realised that if she wasn’t caring for the cat adequately, she definitely...
  20. Champers

    Mum sleeping for many hours a day

    Is your mum in her own home? Interestingly, when my mother was living alone, she would sleep for hours and hours. So much so that I often couldn’t get hold of her on the phone and would have to call neighbours to check she was ok. Since she’s been in a CH, her sleep patterns are more...