Search results

  1. R

    Apologies, I just need to vent some steam...

    Fluctuating capacity is a common problem but there is plenty of guidance on the internet to get a ruling. My Mum has had vascular dementia for 12 years but was only assessed as having no capacity in November of this year. This was done by her GP but obviously it needn’t be. Your siblings...
  2. R

    Apologies, I just need to vent some steam...

    WOWSERS @The Whippet Walker what a frustrating experience. i think that you said that your mother has had a recent diagnosis of dementia. Just because she has dementia doesn’t mean she hasn’t got capacity under the Mental Capacity Act 2005 ( which was amended this year). It sounds as if your...
  3. R

    I feel guilt

    I have been following your story @Maisie1 as my Mum went into a home six weeks ago and I too have been feeling conflicted about it however I am shocked to read your latest post. I am so, so sorry to hear that your mother has passed away. What a shocking and tragic turn of events. She is at...
  4. R

    Does visiting ever get any easier?

    Thanks @Carrot74 It’s been six weeks for us and, depending on who you listen to, Mum seems to be a bit more settled and is sleeping better (that always made a difference when I cared for her - bad night’s sleep or very early rising = confused and difficult day). Most of the carers seem pleased...
  5. R

    First Christmas with Mum in care home

    I feel pretty low at the moment having just been to see Mum in her CH. She seems to have settled reasonably but when she sees us she is sad because she just wants to be with us. It is hard when she is with others who are much worse than she is (not all of them but two this morning were very...
  6. R

    Planning Christmas Day

    A very interesting thread. My brother and sister-in-law are hosting Christmas Day as per usual this year. With the CH blessing, I shall pick Mum up at 11, take her the 4 miles (no doubt answering all the way “does Mum know where I am?”) where she will be welcomed with a roaring open fire and...
  7. R

    Does visiting ever get any easier?

    This seem to be the best solution. I am going to see Mum on Saturday morning by which time it will have been a week since my last visit - one which was so upsetting I ended up with a 72 hour migraine. My brother and a family friend go to see her and report back that she’s mostly ok when they...
  8. R

    Does visiting ever get any easier?

    I am so sorry that you had to experience this @Champers, it is my absolutely worst nightmare. On two of my visits, Mum has been quite distressed which knocked the stuffing out of me for days afterward, hence my original question, but none of it was actually directed at me personally. My Mum...
  9. R

    Does visiting ever get any easier?

    Thank you very much for your messages @Pete1 @northumbrian_k @Champers @Sirena @TNJJ @Canadian Joanne and @millalm There is a lot of wisdom in your messages and the similarities in your experiences gives me some hope for the future. We had no mention of going home today. She had had her...
  10. R

    Does visiting ever get any easier?

    Mum went into residential respite two weeks ago today. We have just rolled it over for two more weeks although I have a strong feeling that she may be there permanently now. I will never forget the abject panic on her face when she realised what was happening and we have been advised that she...
  11. R

    I don't want my dad to have tests

    l I stand corrected. Good to know.
  12. R

    Do you feel proud of yourself?

    My thoughts are with you today @Dimpsy. I really mean it. I can only imagine the worry you will have about your OH’s procedure and guilt that you aren’t there to support him. Nothing will assuage that but he sounds like a pretty special chap to be so supportive of you and your Mum and I’m...
  13. R

    I don't want my dad to have tests

    Completely understand your position @Janey J as I have to take Mum for regular appointments at our local hospital and they are very stressful for her (and me!). However she has forgotten the experience within half an hour so it is just a matter of getting through that small amount of time, for...
  14. R

    Do you feel proud of yourself?

    Ah @Dimpsy I’m afraid I didn’t see what you posted before deletion. The fact remains that if you have/had a different opinion to me, it is as valid a viewpoint as my own. There are plenty of common denominators for Carers as well as PWD but there are lots of differences too. The heady...
  15. R

    Do you feel proud of yourself?

    I am sure that your uncle is trying to express positive feelings - gratitude, pride and encouragement. But he hasn’t been a carer, so he just won’t know that things like pride in a job well done is no reward for the sacrifices you’ve made both emotionally and physically. I have caring for my...
  16. R

    The well travelled road.

    Good god @Topsy Tiger, what a shocking call to have received. Please don’t beat yourself up about the paracetamol but there really should be some sort of enquiry into how this was allowed to happen four days after she went in. Honestly my thoughts are with you today. I hope you get genuinely...
  17. R

    The well travelled road.

    Oh dear. My heart goes out to you. I won’t patronise you by saying it’s early days or these feelings are quite common. You are suffering and I respect that you can only compare how you are feeling now with how you did when you were principal carer, not comparing how you feel with how others...
  18. R

    The well travelled road.

    You are bound to feel adrift - the routine that you provided to support your mother, in a way supported you also. It gave you a structure and a purpose. That routine has gone and something needs to replace it. That will take time. Get a good night’s sleep and I hope the morning call will...
  19. R

    The well travelled road.

    Sending you strength to get through this most difficult of days. It will take time for her to get used to her new surroundings so please don’t get too upset in the first week or so if she seems unhappy. Good luck!
  20. R

    The well travelled road.

    Shedding a tear for you both. Wishing you strength for Wednesday and the weeks ahead. Let us know how it goes.