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    Not Coping well

    When it gets to the point that you are actually frightened of visiting then it's time to step back for however long it takes you not to feel this way. You simply cannot go on like this. She is safe and her day to day needs are being met. The one who is at risk and is vulnerable here is you, not...
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    Am I being selfish? Any advice greatly appreciated

    Hi SparrowLON It may be worth starting to speak with your employer about partly working from home going forward. You're already working at home now so a well timed conversation may be worthwhile. I work for a county council and they are using the current situation to plan working arrangements...
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    LPA -Are Finances Investigated?

    Sam You say the brother is the full time carer but that the Mum is funded by SS with four visits a day. I would agree with the person who suggested that she could be partly funded by SS. If she was fully funded by SS I doubt there would be an issue for SS around finances. If she is partly...
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    Joint account

    My partner was called by the CoP yesterday to say that he has been awarded deputyship and should receive the paperwork in the next few weeks. His Mum is in residential care with his father remaining in the marital home. Due to his father's behaviour we no longer have any relationship with him...
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    24/7 home care vs care home.

    Some homes put people on food and fluid chart for the first few days. Irrespective, they should have weighed her upon admission. Let them know you are concerned and ask them to weigh her again. They are probably using a nutritional screening tool. If she has a good appetite usually, she may be...
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    A lifelong friend and me

    Plymouth Hoe is my favourite place ever. I could sit forever taking in everything going on around. I have fond memories of my Nan taking me to Tinside Pool in the 70s. For old times sake my partner and I went to the pool last year on our annual pilgrimage to Plymouth (where I was born and have a...
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    24/7 home care vs care home.

    Keep strong Champers!
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    Mental capacity and care choices - battle with social worker!

    Social workers plural are not being "abused" on this thread. Neither is the one SW that Champers is having dealings with. Abuse is a loaded word to use. We are simply discussing a situation that Champers has found herself in. I worked for the care regulator and have worked with many social...
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    Mental capacity and care choices - battle with social worker!

    I suppose if she comes back home as she is self-funding you could get a new care provider. If you're not happy with them start the process to trial residential. I know it would be a faff, but once the old provider have been dispensed with it may limit SS interest. If the bill isn't being paid...
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    Delirium dilemma

    Hopefully FIL will see sense if the delirium doesn't improve. Then I will tell SS that we won't accept her home. Time will tell. We'll go and see her at the rehab hospital tonight. I can't begin to imagine how angry she will be today at being moved. I dread to think where she thinks she will...
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    Deputyship query re joint accounts

    That makes sense canary, thank you :)
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    Delirium dilemma

    My MIL in about to be discharged from an acute hospital to a local rehabilitation hospital. She had a fall and suffered a neck of femur fracture. We were advised today that she will likely need about 14 days in the rehab hospital before being discharged home. I am staggered. She has hideous...
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    Deputyship query re joint accounts

    I wonder if someone can help me please? My MIL is currently in hospital with unresolved delirium 10 days post op for hip fracture. She has no mental capacity at present. I understand that the delirium may or may not resolve and am trying to plan for the worst case scenario as well as the best...
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    Living at home vs care - when should someone move?

    Hi Daughter3975. I might be inclined to speak with the solicitor handling the purchase. The Independent Living company may have clauses relating to people's health. I attended an interview to manage such a place and when I asked was told that they did not always accept take people with dementia...
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    Mental capacity and care choices - battle with social worker!

    If SS say she has no capacity to make the decision (about where to live) herself, then a decision is obliged to be made (with input from others and her "known" views) in her "best interest". From what Champers has said from the meeting she attended this is likely to be that she should go home...
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    Mental capacity and care choices - battle with social worker!

    It'll be interesting to see the outcome of the mc assessment. Given the situation perhaps a finding that she has capacity would be beneficial. Then home she goes and you can carry on with the agency for as long as you wish or do what the care home manager suggests. However, if she is found to...
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    Mental capacity and care choices - battle with social worker!

    Hi Champers I'm not quite sure I understand what has gone on here. What on earth has it got to do with the previous care agency? Why were they there? I could understand it if the current agency were present..... I assume your MIL is self funding? Ask to see the social worker's mental capacity...
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    Refusing care

    Thank you all for your replies. We often ponder on FIL's cognitive state too, but more around personality disorders. OH says he has always been like this. He has a lot of the of traits of a narcissist. We saw them on Sunday as it was Father's day. We phoned him first thing and he said that...
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    Worried about mum

    Hi Kitta You have my empathy, I can understand your worry. Perhaps I can share my experience of getting a diagnosis for my MIL. We became worried and suspected dementia. We sent a long email to the GP outlining our worries and ask that they call her in under the guise of a meds review or...
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    Wife not wearing socks and shoes

    Perhaps slippers could be the way forward as canary suggests. If it was my relative I wouldn't be too bothered when they were in their own room. But in communal areas with carpets or communal bathrooms/toilets I would be concerned about infection control. Flooring doesn't remain clean in...