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  1. Risa

    Mum coming to the end of her journey

    After 10 years of living with dementia, Mum finally became free of this dreadful illness this morning. She passed peacefully away and although we will miss her dreadfully, she was very much loved and we will think of the happier times now.
  2. Risa

    Red beret comes up trumps

    Can you take custody of the money and the travel card so that your wife can't get too far? Maybe worth investing in a tracker as well. We ended up doing this when we had a couple of instances of Mum going awol as we were scared of what might happen.
  3. Risa

    Mum coming to the end of her journey

    Many thanks for your kind words and support, it does mean a lot. Mum is still with us and we are spending as much time as we can with her. It's so weird emotionally - we don't want her to suffer and linger on but dreading it when she finally leaves. Have made funeral arrangements so feel...
  4. Risa

    Mum has lost the ability to swallow

    Don't feel guilty Lottiemoll. I am also struggling with trying to work and visiting Mum/not knowing how long she has left. I just make sure that every time I visit, I say to her the things I want her to know so that if she passes when I am not there, nothing has been left unsaid.
  5. Risa

    Battle Over

    Sorry to hear your sad news Clunchman, thinking of you {{{hugs}}}
  6. Risa

    Mum coming to the end of her journey

    I knew that one day I would be posting in this section but didn't really expect for things to happen so fast. Two weeks ago Mum started to constantly pee herself (more than usual). So we thought UTI, got a district nurse to visit and Mum was given antibiotics. Mum perked up at the weekend but...
  7. Risa

    Mum has lost the ability to swallow

    My Mum is also going through this now Lottiemoll. One of my friends is a specialist dementia nurse and she has assured me that there is no pain for the patient. They are given morphine and sedatives so that they can have a peaceful end. Certainly seeing my Mum today she is barely conscious...
  8. Risa

    Toilet habits - HELP!

    Personally I don't think what sounds like advanced dementia and a family situation with small children works. You can only give MIL so much of your attention as your children need you and even if you get carers in, there are the hours in between when she may need help or keeping an eye on (if...
  9. Risa

    How do I get mum into the shower/bath?

    Aside from considering your Mum's dignity, your brother needs to take on board that as your Mum is incontinent she is running the risk of skin infections if she isn't washing on a regular basis. As others have said, take control and book a care agency. Do you think if you put covers on the...
  10. Risa

    Probate Problem

    My parents both originally had mirror wills. A couple of years ago (when Mum had no capacity to change her will), Dad changed his as he wanted my sister and I to have some sort of inheritance and if everything is left to Mum, then it will be used for care home costs. As long as the person...
  11. Risa

    Care home changing medication

    A couple of years ago when my Dad was prescribed co-codomol after surgery, his GP did make it clear that he couldn't be on them for very long and the pills were heavily rationed. The driver for this seemed to be NICE prescribing rules. Maybe certain drugs have a red flag against them because...
  12. Risa

    Please keep me and my Family in your thoughts

    {{{Hugs}}} Thinking of you Beannie and your family during this difficult time.
  13. Risa

    major resistance + wants to slip away on own

    Hi Involved and welcome to the forum :) You said your Mum is mentally ok. Are you able to speak to with her away from your Dad and see what her thoughts are? Just wondering if you would be able to get help from SS or medics if your Mum said she wasn't happy with the situation at home and...
  14. Risa

    I Don't Want To Be This Person

    Mum deserves better than having dementia. And I can't help but think that. I've reworded your sentence Andy as I think that is what it should read. Please don't be so hard on yourself - you are obviously a very caring person doing everything possible for your Mum. You've said yourself that...
  15. Risa

    Moving closer to family

    If you are very close to your son and can rely on him then I would say family ties trump friendships when it comes to dealing with dementia. Sadly many friends drift away as the illness progresses and it is harder to meet up or have them visit. I agree with Beate though - if you are going to...
  16. Risa

    not understanding instructions - toilet

    This is a great point. We did try grab rails but Mum didn't like to use them and would cling on to the sink instead. We found that getting a padded, slightly higher toilet seat has helped.
  17. Risa

    How to find the right care home

    Hi Carrie118 The tracker we got for Mum was on a keyfob design (see link below) as when Mum went wandering, she was obsessed with carrying her handbag with her at all times so it was easy to slip it in there. We could then get a signal to our mobile phones and get a map reference. However...
  18. Risa

    I just want to run away and never come back

    Don't feel bad Grahamstown. Being a carer is hard but you don't get to clock off at the end of a shift and go home to unwind. We learn 'on the job' and we all make mistakes/respond to situations that in hindsight we could have handled better. That is why I picked my tagline as it sums up my...
  19. Risa

    I want to care for my pa at home. Is it possible?

    I think before you and your brother make any decisions, best to speak to Social Services and also find out what your Dad's GP recommends. People can be bed bound for a long time and if you are privately financing 24 hour care, it is affordable over an extended period? Again do some research...
  20. Risa

    Mothers bank account

    I think he is making this up. If he is not the account holder or has LPA for the account, a bank won't be discussing a customer's account with anyone else and certainly won't be sharing taped conversations with him which contain personal and sensitive information about a customer. The bank...