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  1. rhubarbtree

    Time to allow visitors into care homes?

    I read the Guardian article this morning and found it rather upsetting. I think of my husband being in a caring community where he is safe and has the companionship he needs. At present he has more companionship than I do. I feel the best I can do is to support the lock down and not press...
  2. rhubarbtree

    Advice on respite care

    If your Mum says she cannot cope and is thinking of care homes, you should believe her. I know from my own experience it is a terribly hard thing to accept and verbalise. The care home my husband lives in will take new residents but they will be on the quarantine corridor for two weeks. This...
  3. rhubarbtree

    Dementia’s journey

    Hi Dutchman, Feel I need to comment on your post but have no solution. My OH went into a Nursing home only a few weeks ago and I did not have time to adjust before lock down. It seems our tragedy is just tiny compared to the greater tragedy unfolding but it still hurts. We needed time to...
  4. rhubarbtree

    My mother has started to talk to herself and answer back as if she really is having the conversation

    Hi Anderson, Welcome My OH did this as soon as the bedside light went out. It was like listening to one side of a telephone conversation. He did not speak much during the day so I rather liked hearing his old voice chatting away. I wrote about it on my long thread on "dealing with...
  5. rhubarbtree

    Respite

    Hi Jenniferjean, I can understand why you are confused - I was as well. People talk about respite as if it is a given but in my experience it is not. My OH is self funding and we have always paid for respite. On the upside with self funding you can chose when and where.
  6. rhubarbtree

    Photos

    Hi Tipsyshelly, I made a photobook for my OH about five years ago and it is still used. It is a wonderful resource for visitors to look through and helps conversations. I did start the first page with a lovely photo of himself saying "This is me ...." but just labelled all the other photos...
  7. rhubarbtree

    Care home or not?

    I would not get too fixed on PWD having an ensuite. I thought this was important but having an ensuite would not help my OH because as the disease progressed one door was the same as another to him and he is not able to find a toilet at night. During the day residents tend to stay in the...
  8. rhubarbtree

    How about moving?

    I moved from south east to north west to be near family and also had to rent until I found somewhere suitable. Renting does have the advantage of separating sale and purchase and avoids that one day move. It also gave me the chance to get to know the area. Who would have thought I would...
  9. rhubarbtree

    Care home query

    Thanks for all your replies. It helped to read that using the local service works well. I am still not sure if OH will become permanent in this home so I do not want him to leave our doctor and then have to return.
  10. rhubarbtree

    Care home query

    OH has only been in a care home for four weeks and we are still calling it a trial/respite. Care home are pushing for me to change him to a doctor nearby. I am not sure this is necessary as I, or my son or daughter in law, could be at the home in 15 minutes. Last week he had an...
  11. rhubarbtree

    Cleaning / Urine / refusing to use toilet

    I am managing this problem with my OH by having a bucket on a chair right by his bed. The chair takes up all of the walking room beside the bed so he cannot miss it. I put one puppy sheet on the chair and one under the chair and mostly this works. With my OH it seems as though he is too slow...
  12. rhubarbtree

    Residential EMI or residential

    Welcome notjustajob. It will be interesting to have your viewpoint on our worries about care homes. Like Ceridwen I am at the point of considering a home for my OH. What worries me is that when a home does an assessment he will be in host mode and most pleasant but I do not think it will be...
  13. rhubarbtree

    following Scarlett's advice

    Like most people above the change of year/decade has really highlighted my captivity. I even have to consider when OH will need the toilet and I am usually correct. I am a double person. My resolution is to try to be selfish. Sounds awful but I have never put myself first, always giving way...
  14. rhubarbtree

    Do I let her Sleep?

    Hi Denison, On the days my OH does not have to be up for day centre I let him sleep in, sometimes to lunchtime. If I do get him up early in the morning he just sleeps in the armchair anyway. From my experience I do not think sleeping in affects this rest of the day. How sad that your wife...
  15. rhubarbtree

    Trying to stay positive

    Such an eloquent post PalSal. You have written everything that goes around in my head all day. Trying to decide home or care home. I too fear an economic lifestyle change if I start paying £1000 per week. My OH is physically fit and might well have many years ahead despite having Alzheimer's...
  16. rhubarbtree

    How do I deal with this?

    Marvellous isn't it Roseleigh, we can deal with this day in day out, with no help offered, but a professional says PWD needs specialist care. Very much doubt if this behaviour would merit one point on the continuing care spectrum. I did ask our doctor to put me in touch with Incontinence...
  17. rhubarbtree

    How do I deal with this?

    Hi Roseleigh, OH has been doing this for quite some time. I have taken toilet sign down because it had little impact. At night I have a passive light that comes on when he gets out of bed and conveniently shines into ensuite. I also have a very lightweight folding screen which I put across...
  18. rhubarbtree

    Silence

    I am with you Vic 10 the silence in this house is deafening. I have an all over the house music system but do not use it as I need to be able to hear what OH is up to. The other day I heard a different sound and he was dismantling the towel rail. If I really analyse OH's chatter during host...
  19. rhubarbtree

    Blue Badge

    Add to the list need to be able to open car door wide as the PWD finds getting in and out difficult. I did not have a medical letter for my OH but referred the council to the Memory Clinic (not sure if they did contact them). We got the blue badge. Took OH and grandchildren out for a pizza...
  20. rhubarbtree

    Contacting your MP....

    Hi AliceA, I just happened on a radio 4 programme whilst driving yesterday. Lord Lamont of Lerwick (Norman Lamont) was being interview and he said he was on a committee in the Lords looking at adult care funding. Might be the person to write to. I am busy composing a letter in my head but...