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  1. BeverleyY

    Dad moving care authority - who funds?

    Thanks everyone. In summary Dad lived with me for ten years until I could no longer cope last year and he went into residential care. We all lived in Ashford, Kent. This year I was relocated to London with my job and at that point Dad was part funded. I intended to just go see him...
  2. BeverleyY

    Dad moving care authority - who funds?

    Hi I am now definately moving Dad from a residential home in Kent (funded by Kent County Council) to a Residential (Dementia) home in the London Borough of Lewisham. Dad now has under £14,250 so is deemed as being eligible to funding - but, Kent County Council pay a much lower rate than...
  3. BeverleyY

    Mother gifted and now self funding until 2017

    Good luck... But considering there was recognition of memory problems before she sold the house, I would assume that it would be clearly deemed there had been a conscious effort to get rid of her assets. I'm battling on a finance front, but don't hold out any hope! Totally different...
  4. BeverleyY

    Help/Advice on Moving Home & Care Authority

    I found out that there is no minimum, but I have to get through a 'best interests' meeting first. Next hurdle, if they agree to a move, is trying to get them to increase their standard rate so that the top up is more affordable (£400-£600 a month rather than £1200). :-(
  5. BeverleyY

    Help/Advice on Moving Home & Care Authority

    Hi I have been away from here for a long time, because honestly I found it very depressing knowing what the future held for my Dad who was living with us. In the time away, I moved him to Residential Care as he was getting more un-predictable at night, and after 10 years of him living...
  6. BeverleyY

    Not sure how much more I can take

    This week he turned the oven off when it was on programmer - dinner was rather delayed. Why did you do that Dad? 'It wasn't me... the cat did it'. :rolleyes:
  7. BeverleyY

    Not sure how much more I can take

    He's done a couple of stints this year when my sister wouldn't have him. He coped fine. When we picked him up he'd forgotten he'd slept there! Will call SS I think. Get some more help in the form of respite so we can all have a break and not just use respite when we go on holiday. Use it...
  8. BeverleyY

    Not sure how much more I can take

    Guilts an awful thing. If I wait and something happens to him (he keeps walking out in front of traffic) - I'll feel guilty I didn't act sooner. If I put him in a home and he deteriorates quickly - I'll feel guilty for not keeping him with us and battling on. I feel whatever I do I'll...
  9. BeverleyY

    Not sure how much more I can take

    Hi Kassy We've plodded on.... and got through. He drives me crackers but we try to laugh as much as we can but I'm scared the pressure is too much. Although it's not major and he still seems stable, the bubble he exists in gets gradually smaller and smaller. He is able to do less and...
  10. BeverleyY

    Not sure how much more I can take

    Thanks everyone. I think I am going to try some respite care. He has been twice this year when my sister wouldn't have him when I went away (she won't have him in August when I am away either and he has to go into respite then). I think I need to try maybe a week a month - see how it...
  11. BeverleyY

    Not sure how much more I can take

    Hi Sue Thanks for your kind words. I feel I have already robbed my kids of a normal life. My eldest is 17 and off to university next year. I have returned to TP because I feel I have nobody to turn to with my feelings. My sister has never been great and now doesn't even phone. She...
  12. BeverleyY

    Not sure how much more I can take

    Thanks Sal. I'm lucky my husband is so supporting. Just feel I am (and have) ruined his young life putting him through this. My husband is 35. At what point does he turn round and say I lost my youth to caring for your parents. It's all getting very stressful - my husband shouted at...
  13. BeverleyY

    Not sure how much more I can take

    As some of you know, I pop on here from time to time. Mostly, I just try to get on with this as best I can. My Dad hasn't reached the 'trigger' points I had set where I would put him in a home (incontinent, violent, getting lost)... but, he is driving me totally round the twist:( I hope I...
  14. BeverleyY

    care home

    Hi Patricia Feel so sorry for you. My Dad still lives with us and I know the day will come. I've tried respite twice and feel guilty enough leaving him for just a few days. You're not a coward. You're a caring, loving human being! Most people would never have their parents living...
  15. BeverleyY

    Stopping By.... Feeling Very Angry

    Goodness.. so many replies. Thank you all so much. I like the idea of the round robin actually... hint of sarcasm, just up my street! Dad has lived with us approaching 8 years now...!!! So, a long old time now. I did bite the head off a neighbour yesterday - crossed my mind it was...
  16. BeverleyY

    Stopping By.... Feeling Very Angry

    Thanks everyone. Am a bit calmer now - despite having a really traumatic evening. Ironically, this morning we took in a parcel... for a neighbour. She came to collect it when I popped out. Only Dad was here, and there she was saying can you give me that parcel. Of course, he had no...
  17. BeverleyY

    Stopping By.... Feeling Very Angry

    Hi All Not been on a while as everything is pretty much the same with Dad. Got a visit from Social Services today - they haven't shown their faces in about 18 months. One of my wonderful neighbours has phoned anonymously to tell them they are concerned because my Dad goes to the...
  18. BeverleyY

    Tiring day to day

    Hiya I haven't logged in here for weeks. My job is taking me all over the country at the moment and not a week seems to go by without I haven't stayed away one night. Not that I am complaining, because to be honest the peace and quiet does me good! Seems like you are struggling at the...
  19. BeverleyY

    Why do some family members not want to bother with their Parents.

    Bottom line is some people are just cut out to care, and others are not. My sister seems to have actually no social conscience whatsoever. I don't think it remotely crosses her mind that she doesn't do as much as she can. She's just inherently selfish.
  20. BeverleyY

    D-Day has arrived!

    Good luck... hope the break does you both some good. It's all such a struggle and a juggle isn't it. Love Bev xx