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  1. C

    Good nursing home turned bad.

    An update, as I breathe a sigh of relief. Mother 92 yrs with dementia, was in a care home with good quality care for 5 years, then it went down hill for past 4 months. Neglect of my mother crept up and finally lots of bruising one week followed by hip fracture two weeks later. She thrived in...
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    Good nursing home turned bad.

    I was faced with the real dilemma about moving my mother or not as described above, when last week she fell and broke her hip. She was admitted to hospital and got so much brighter. She was chatting and demanding, such a pleasure to see. Single rooms are okay if you can read or if you can...
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    Good nursing home turned bad.

    Thank you all for your comments. It is helpful just to know others out there understand the dilemma. What I find hard is that I cannot rush - go from the frying pan in to the fire so to speak. She is probably nearing the end of her life and I just need to know she is comfortable...... watch...
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    Good nursing home turned bad.

    Thank you for the answers received. It is helpful to offload and receive constructive suggestions. I can't believe the position I am in. My mother had such good care for 5 years now under the new regime worse than ever. I would appreciate advice on deciding whether to move my mother from her...
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    Any comments on proposed care package please

    Hello Steve, I think you are right to try it out however your concerns are justified. From my mother in laws experience I would suggest when the home care is being set up that you look at consistency with the rota, what can the agency offer? Shop around. My M in L had 12- 16 people a week...
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    Feeling criticised

    hi Berry leaf When my mother was in early stages of dementia, you could guarantee that when she had a downward dip, that she had an infection. We occasionally forgot this pearl of wisdom but when we did remember we could sort it out and she was on an even keel a bit longer. Now that she is in...
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    HOME ALONE

    Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday to you Happy Birthday dear Rose bay Happy Birthday to you. I am not in your position - my mother has dementia and is in a nursing home, not nearly as emotional as you are experiencing. All I can do is send my hugs from afar and wish you better.
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    Undiagnosed Dermentia ??

    I was in your position 5 years ago. I really wanted to keep mum at home. She was in hospital for 8 weeks and deteriorated due to lack of care, partly. They said she had vascular dementia then changed their minds and said it was dementia. We got her home, to her home, but it was very...
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    Good nursing home turned bad.

    Thank you "love dad but" I did meet with the manager, she was all smooth talking, full of apologies and no substance. A care plan meeting was arranged, cared by the local authority and it was to this meeting she thought it was okay to just send an agency member of staff. Last night I was...
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    Good nursing home turned bad.

    I am angry, upset and sad. My mother has severe dementia and has been in this nursing home for 5 years. She sleeps most of the day and night getting up for meals. She does not recognise us now. She is thankful to the staff and offers them cups of tea, even though she can't make it. So she is...
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    A Thought that revolutionized my own Care-giving

    I love "light bulb" moments like the one you had, Bluesdog. Fascinating how something suddenly makes sense in a profound way. My more recent light bulb moment was that it is okay to be vulnerable not having to be in control and managing all of the time. This helped me let go of a lot of...
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    Feel so sad....

    Just rereading your post reminds me of me being strong for every one then suddenly feeling vulnerable. It took me a while to feel comfortable or safe with my vulnerability but it also felt as if the burden of always being strong had been lifted. It is a complex path we are on!
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    Feel so sad....

    Hi Elicia You sound a bit like me... really coping when you are busying yourself! I have been so tearful recently. It is such a long pathway of accepting what is happening, going with the flow etc. BUT then grief pops up unexpectedly and hit you hard. Coincidentally my mother is 91 in two...
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    Property Question

    I was in a sort of similar situation when my mother went in to a nursing home. My mother had signed over her house to my brother and I, 12 years previously. The agreement was that she could live there rent free for the rest of her life. So the house had been in my brothers and my name for...
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    Confused!

    Hi all, Thanks for the warm and supportive replies. You know, it was a relief to read others saying my mum was terrible too. I know, but I am really shocked at what a long haul this is. Members on line seem to have here for many years, the names are all familiar from years ago. It feels that my...
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    Confused!

    Thank you "Oh knickers" You said "You have grief come up behind you and give you a walloping big bite" ... is exactly how it feels .. there I was carrying on my every day life and wham enveloped in a flood of grief .. so unexpected. I should have seen it coming as last weekend I read...
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    Confused!

    I peeked in to Talking Point this morning and felt so overwhelmed by the care and kindness of everyone that I am sitting here in tears. I feel as though I have had no feelings in relation to my mother (vascular dementia in a nursing home) and suddenly I found myself sobbing my heart out! I do...
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    DNR - do not resuscitate

    Hi all, I was searching the forum re DNR. We completed a do not resuscitate form in relation to our mother several years ago And I was wanting reassurance about it. I came across this article posted by sarahc many years ago. It is such a moving and meaningful article that I am taking the...
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    What a long, long road!

    I thought I hadn't posted here for 3 years but it is only 18 months. It is lovely to see many of the same names but it does highlight what a long road this is for us all. My mother is 90 yrs old, in a nursing home in later stages of vascular dementia. I thought she was on a plateau, but...