Hello from an old member
Like you it is a while since I last posted, and like you I visit the home dally to give Margaret her dinner. She, like Donal has lost all speech and mobility and sometimes when I leave I cry for the lost look in her eyes. No doubt like me you still feel...
Help for Mum
Have you been in touch with Social Services? Ask for an assessment for your Dad, and a carers assessment for your mum.
From your post they should be entitled to home care. day care, and respite care at the very least.
You might also try Crossroads who offer a...
As I understand it anyone who is assessed by SS as requiring help can ask for Direct Payments instead of the usual home care etc. They will have to be assessed as to their needs and the amount of help required.
They can then have a financial assessment to determine the amount of...
I would like echo all the others and welcome you to TP and wish you luck with the SS on Tuesday.
Hazel is correct in the advice she gives about having a clear picture before the SS arrives. I found it useful to write down everything that Margaret did or didn't do because of the...
Welcome to TP
It is extremely difficult, and it is not always possible to walk away which is the standard answer. I was lucky that Margaret is only 5 ft tall and weighs about 7 stones and I am about 5'10 and 12 stones so I could cope with the physical side without...
I am in similar position as yourself except that Margaret is not as bad as your Chris, inasmuch as she has no other ailments apart from AZ.
It is quite advanced, doubly incontinent, cannot walk unaided, lost coherent speech, requires bathing, feeding, dressing undressing etc...
I gave up smoking years ago but since Margaret's illness my alcohol intake has certainly risen. Not I think so much to dull the hurt, but it definitely relieves the stress. I don't get paralytic or incapable, you can't when you are caring for someone, and like Germain I...
Hello Steph and Melissa
Have you been in touch with your local branch of the Alzheimer's Society? They will point you in the right direction to get help and advice, and will help you with any form filling or advocacy. I found the support groups they run for carers extremely good, they...
I only know one person who suffered a rapid decline similar to your dad and that was at home not in respite.
Peronally I would be looking for another home for any future respite, I always take in a written list of requrements, including medicatiom each time Margaret goes into...
Your timescale sounds very similar to mine, Margaret too was diagnosed in 2000 after at least 2 years disruption. The difference being that I don’t have to run another home and look after a family, neither do I work having been retired for 20 years. You have my total admiration for...
Where has everybody gone?
I am afraid if you are a carer of someone with dementia the heartache of seeing your parent/spouse’s friends disappear goes with the territory.
The only two friends who stuck with us when Margaret developed Alzheimer’s were two who had personal...
I seem to have thrown the cat amongst the pigeons, quite unintentionally I assure you.
I certainly don’t consider myself , or anyone in a similar position selfish, because I am finding life a little easier.
We all know that our loved ones are going to deteriorate rather than improve...
I was looking back at my diary the other day and upon reading my remarks about Margaret’s condition then, I have arrived at the conclusion that I am much better off today than I was then.
Today she can hardly walk and then only with assistance, she cannot talk sensibly, is doubly incontinent...
I totally agree with Sylvia, I have found that letters of complaint to the head of whichever section is causing the aggrevation, with copies to your local councillor, your MP and the Minister for health works most times.
I sometimes put copies to (local newspaper) even if I don't...
No one can tell you how you should be feeling we are all different, but generally speaking most of us feel anger when this dreadful illnes strikes.
I was angry with the world, angry with Margaret and angry with myself for not coping better.
I channelled most of...
Hello Kit Kat
I can identify with your dad, I know how much I look forward to our son coming on his weekly visit.
But do not lie to him, answer his questions as truthfully as you
can, without sounding uncaring. He really needs your support and love to help him through this...
Jennifer is right, agree, and lie through your teeth, do not argue you are just wasting your breath.
It is all trial and error and then more trial, you need the patience of Job, and the constitution of an Ox, but you will eventually get to see the light. Well it is more like a...
What you are doing
I am in the same position and age (80 next week) as you and I have done exactly as you are proposing to do.
I have cared for Margaret for 10 years and it took a lot of heart searching and worrying before I would take advantage of respite care.