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  1. L

    heart breaking

    Thank you both for your kind words, my worry about sectioning is that it could be one of 3 hospitals which are up to an hour and a half away how would I get there, we have 4 kids plus the pregnancy plus I'm still at work, they have put her on the waiting list for the one dementia nursing home in...
  2. L

    heart breaking

    Haven't posted on here for a few months, mum has vascular dementia - we made the decision to move her into a care home which went really well after months of worry and mum not wanting this to ever happen to her and all the resulting guilt that went alongside. Perfect timing as a few weeks...
  3. L

    Can't work out if I feel more guilty than angry

    Just returned from the 3 day work trip. I can't tell you how reassuring it was to know that mum was safe while I was away, these trips are usually so fraught with anxiety. I got several calls from her, one day she didn't want me she wanted the famous person, so kept ringing and getting...
  4. L

    Can't work out if I feel more guilty than angry

    Thank you, all of you for the advice, for the caring comments and the gentle kick up the bum! Mum and I have a lifetime of relationship based on guilt, my dad died when I was 2, she never remarried, she didn't date, and she didn't have friends. I was her world and every time I tried to break...
  5. L

    Can't work out if I feel more guilty than angry

    Brought mum home from the care home today, picked her up early having farmed out all but one of the children so that I could take her to Sainsbury's to 'help' buy food for Good Friday tea, stopped to get her crisps and biscuits and cakes to take back to care home. Took her to church, home for...
  6. L

    Hard day

    Yes she has an age concern mobile that just has pictures on it so she can just press one and it calls her. It's a great phone, but there are times that I wish it had died! Ended up scooping up the kids in their dressing gowns and driving over with a bowl of fruit, figured if you really fancy...
  7. L

    Hard day

    So mum has been in the care home for a week and a half, it seemed to be going so well, but now she wants to go home, she doesn't need any help or support. I clearly just want to get rid of her. I'm getting guilt trip phone calls, and when I went to see her today she looked so unhappy, after...
  8. L

    Mum went into a care home yesterday

    No, we didn't get to the beach, I ended up with the sick bug too and spent my first free Saturday curled up on the sofa feeling sorry for myself! But if anything it has shown us how we would have struggled to cope, out of 2 adults and 5 kids 5 of us ended up with the sick bug in less than a...
  9. L

    Mum went into a care home yesterday

    So I visited with the dog, and mum was thrilled to see him and duly showed him off to all of the residents. We had the best time together that we have had in as long as I can remember. SOme confusion as she got the idea that the whole family would be moving into the care home, but mum seemed...
  10. L

    Respite

    We have had exactly the same situation, last year when I reached breakdown social services placed mum in emergenct care which was nearly an hour from home. It was pretty grotty and she was really scared. Within 48 hours she had run away from someone or something and ended up spending 6 weeks...
  11. L

    Mum went into a care home yesterday

    That's how I feel, I'm not in charge of forcing her to do things, worrying that it is all going to go pear shaped when I go this afternoon with the dog, and that she doesn't start asking to come home. I honestly don't think I can handle her coming home. The worry and the strain and knowing...
  12. L

    Mum went into a care home yesterday

    Going to go and see mum tomorrow and take her dog - can't believe that they are so happy to have the dog visit! Yesterday evening I got sent a photo of mum doing a craft activity with one of the carers, as well as an update of how she had been all day. Today she is off to daycare from the...
  13. L

    Caregiver depression

    Sending big hugs over to you. We cared for mum until yesterday (trialing a lovely care home) along with working full time and 5 children, didn't have her in our home but in the same street. I can totally identify with the feelings of being not being able to give any time to your husband and...
  14. L

    Mum went into a care home yesterday

    Being able to be her daughter again is exactly it! I know I can't actually ever be her daughter properly again, but to be able to go and see her and take her gifts and to take her out for a treat is what I'm hoping for. The struggle to keep mum safe has been so all consuming that all the...
  15. L

    Mum went into a care home yesterday

    After a weekend where I was away at work and the fragile care package we have broke down once again I bit the bullet. I've dithered about a care home for over a year now, wanting to respect mums wishes to remain in her home but knowing that she isn't happy she is barely safe - everything was...
  16. L

    Incessant Moaning

    Wow! you sound like you are describing my mum moaning and negativity is constant about everything and anything. It is vascula dementia too, ice found as she Deteriorates the moaning is increasing the glimpses ofum having pleasure in anything are so rare now Sadly. If I could have a dementia...
  17. L

    Sad night tonight

    Thank you for the advice and support, good to know it's not just me. And you are right I need to let things go and go with the crazy comments somehow. It is true I resent the precious time that mum takes up when I have so little of it to spend with my kids after work, and at the same time feel...
  18. L

    Sad night tonight

    I've go a mantra to try to get through time with mum without going berserk. 'it's not her fault, it's the dementia talking'. Sometimes it works, other times, well it just doesn't. Tonight it just didn't. I struggle so much with the crazy thoughts and delusions, I don't know how to just...
  19. L

    Out of the blue

    We covered that question when we were doing the healthcare part of power of attorney. Mum was pretty upset by it as the end is not something she wants to ever arrive at. It was helpful for us as we came to a conclusion that mum did want to be resusitated but ultimatley we should be guided by...
  20. L

    getting a pet dog

    Mum got a dog nearly 2 years ago. It is a struggle for her as she doesn't always remember to let him in the garden and over feeding is something we have to keep addressing. But for someone who has spent her whe life looking after children as a foster carer this little dog provides her with...