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    No connection now

    Dear canary, you're so generous with your time and wisdom on this forum. I wish I could send you a proper hug but I can't, so here's a virtual one (((canary))).
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    Newly arrived in a care home

    I think it's very much a case of trying something and seeing if it works. Perhaps start by visiting as often as is realistically possible, then cut back if this is disruptive. A few familiar items from home might help but they could just as easily act as a reminder and prompt 'when am I going...
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    Financing Live-in care

    I can't think how this can be right. If true, everyone would simply opt for live-in carers (which are very expensive). Obviously if a person has other assets or enough income then their house is safe, otherwise I can't imagine any councils would finance this, given how much they're struggling...
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    Pension pays for Care Home

    You make a very good point. I don't know if there's currently a way of accessing some of his pension but I think not, not his state pension at least. Which of course leaves you high and dry and it's a disgrace.
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    Mothers Partner Requires Care. Will the home have to be sold ?

    Only his assets can be used to cover his care costs. Also, if one partner remains living in the family home, even if jointly owned the property is disregarded. So all in all I think your mum's property is safe.
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    Mum has just entered care - wrong home?

    Give it a little bit more time. It may or may not be the right place for your mum but three days isn't enough time to tell (unless the place is out and out terrible).
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    Non family members applying for COP

    One last thing. Deputies are very much supervised. There's an annual report, everything has to be accounted for to the last penny, decisions need to be clearly in the best interest of the person who lacks capacity and there's even Insurance in the form of a bond so there's a safety net if a...
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    Non family members applying for COP

    Hi, Unless things have changed of late, when a Deputyship application is made 'interested''parties, like family members, have to be notified. This gives them an opportunity to object to the application and even if you haven't been notified you can contact the court and say you're objecting. If...
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    Reality of Situation

    I'm in the same place as you. When my mum went into care she was walking, talking (confabulating almost constantly but a stranger might've been fooled into thinking she was fine, for a bit at least) and she knew who I was most of the time. She's now doubly incontinent, has to be fed (yup...
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    I feel guilt

    So many of us feel guilt. In fact there's a big stick around here somewhere for beating the guilt monster with. And it doesn't seem to matter what or how much we do. There you are, looking after your mum at home, not having gone out for a week, and you still feel guilty. As Louise said above...
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    Care home - how do we manage this?

    The capacity bit is important because if he is judged to have capacity then no one can keep him where he doesn't want to be, so maybe start with that. The above aside, and as horrible as it'll probably feel, it's time to start telling lies (white lies, love lies... ). He needs to spend a few...
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    Annual report online

    It's a bit different so there's that initial feeling of wanting to stay with a familiar way of doing things but we'll worth giving it a go. It's not bad (room for improvement but nothing major) and the system 'remembers' certain parts of each report so once you've done one the next one is...
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    Help! Mum doesn't believe she's got memory issues.

    I tried writing things down with my mum, so she wouldn't keep accusing me of all sorts. We got her a big wall calendar and I'd write things like 'Delphie coming at 10am' so I wouldn't be screamed at for just turning up when she'd never been told to expect me etc. She then started accusing me...
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    Advice about dealing with COP needed please

    Hi NovemberLady. What is it that's putting it off? The initial paperwork that you need to do to apply for a Deputyship can look a bit complicated but it really isn't once you have a good look at it. It's all just a case of providing factual information. If you ask a solicitor to do it, you'll...
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    Help! Mum doesn't believe she's got memory issues.

    Firstly, have a virtual hug. Sounds like you need one. As far as advice, these are some of the things that occured to me as I was reading. Your mum sounds just like mine. Mine also absolutely refused to acknowledge that her memory was failing and would get very angry, very quickly, at any...
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    Still Thinking About Brother's Inheritance

    Hi MaNaAk, I'm just popping in to say that I completely agree with the advice you've been given so far. Having dealt with contentious probate twice in my life I know from personal experience how expensive it can get, very quickly, once you involve solicitors. Don't get me wrong, I'm not against...
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    Care home v 24 hour care at home

    I suppose it depends a little on how the current carer feels about employing someone to take on the nights. Would this be enough to make them less tired? Would they (the current exhausted carer) be going back to their own house to rest and sleep, or would they be staying put and if so is the...
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    Gifting money versus deprivation of assets

    When it comes to stuff like this, amounts are relative. Think of a number, say £100,000 - it will be a substantial amount to some and loose change to others. Take a deep breath and ask yourself honestly if the money you're hoping to receive is in fact likely to be needed for care costs in the...
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    Struggling with caring for mum and young family

    I too was a self employed mum when trying to support my mum living 'independently'. It nearly broke me. My business almost went under, my health suffered, my marriage was impacted and I know I short changed my boys on many occasions when I should have been there for them. It probably took me...
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    Possibility to re-train memory of Alzheimer patient

    The only thing I'm aware of that might help is medication, but it will only help so much and only for so long, and not everyone benefits from what is currently available. Playing games etc won't do any harm and, who knows, it might slow things down a little but there's no magic bullet and, I'm...