Well - I did it, I brought Mom home!
For all of you that have read/contributed to this thread - I went to see Mom yesterday, still not eating, but drinking regularly. She was sitting in bed, just staring at the wall. When I asked her if she was ok, she started crying and said that she was really lonely. That was about all I could take. We packed up some clothes in my grocery bags and drove home. Once in the car, and out in the sunlight I could see how pale and unkempt she was. She was so happy to be out of the care home, she chatted all the way home (not much I could make out, but I tried to hold up my end of the conversation). Then about 15 minutes away from home, snap - and the mood changed. Swearing at me - trying to pinch me! I was still driving at this stage, so I tried to use one hand to control her hands - that led to her scratching me across the face. Thought "What have I done?" Since then - we got home, unpacked a bit - ordered some pizza - Mom ate one slice then was done. But she went to sleep at 9 pm and slept for a full 12 hours! I didn't. I couldn't sleep - at first was on the sofa in the living room opposite her room, then eventually dared to venture upstairs to my bed - but still constantly listening for her getting up, etc. Not a peep.
This a.m. - took advantage of her long lie to get the groceries in - when I returned, Mom still in bed, but greeted by a big smile "Hello, there you are, come and sit with me". Held my hand, talked, etc. Today, most the day - she has been sat on the sofa, calm, almost sleeping, but with a cat on one side and a dog on the other. Still not eating loads. Attempts most things I bring her, manages a few bites and then she is done. Then, snap - the rage starts. I have just come upstairs to give her some space.
I don't know if this is some version of sun-downing, but it seems to be about the same time everynight.
My poor Mum - 2 weeks now without any real significant food, just drinks. She was down to 44kg a week ago, dread to think what she is now. Looks so frail and unsteady on her feet. Allowed me to help her shower this a.m., calm and accepting, but physically had to almost lift her into the bath. 7 weeks ago, I dropped off a 74 year old, physically fit, able bodied woman, who had significant dementia. In 7 weeks, she has lost all of her strength and most of her mobility.
It is clear she is happier at home. I have spoken to the GP today - he has been understanding. He is keeping a bed at a local hospital open in case things don't work out - I can phone him and arrange to bring her in. We are restarting her Mirtazapine, as he thinks this may be an "agitated depression" on top of dementia. At least the side effects of Mirtazapine are an increased appetite.
I don't know where we go from here. I don't know what is happening on Monday. But in some ways I am so relieved to see Mom back at home, with her beloved pets, calm (most of the time), etc. I believe I have done the right thing, for right now. One thing I have learnt about dementia is that it is constantly changing, and I don't know what the "right thing" will be 6 months, 1 year from now. But will just have to take it as it comes.
