looking round care homes

[gem2014]

Hi
At the moment mum is managing well in her own home with carers and myself calling in regularly through the day. She is in the early stages of dementia and I know by reading other peoples comments that this could possibly change quite rapidly. So while things are ticking along ok I've been looking around possibly homes for mum to go when the times comes.
What I wanted to know was once I have chosen 2 or 3 is it a good idea to take her and have a look? Or will this be to confusing?

Thanks

 

[Y Ddraig]

Hi Gem2014

I am not sure that I can advise on that, because it depends on what you think might work best for your mum.

From my experience, my BIL had no idea or capacity to take in information about potential homes, so we did it all without his input.

If your Mum has the capacity to understand that she would be moving, it probably would be a good idea to visit, but perhaps visiting multiple places would be best for you... then once you have your 'favourite' you can take her?

Some places do day care/respite, so perhaps it would be possible to arrange for your mum to visit initially so that she can see what the place is like, try the food and meet the carers? I know others have tried this approach and it takes the edge off then when the move comes as the place is vaguely familiar.

Either way, good luck.

Hx

 

[gem2014]

Thanks for your advice Y Ddraig, the ideas sound really good and I shall keep them in mind.

 

[willingdonkey]

Hi
At the moment mum is managing well in her own home with carers and myself calling in regularly through the day. She is in the early stages of dementia and I know by reading other peoples comments that this could possibly change quite rapidly. So while things are ticking along ok I've been looking around possibly homes for mum to go when the times comes.
What I wanted to know was once I have chosen 2 or 3 is it a good idea to take her and have a look? Or will this be to confusing?

Thanks

My mam has vasv dementia and has remained the same for nearly four years. So you never know sometimes change happens quickly, and sometimes they tick along canny for a good time x

 

[gem2014]

Hi Willingdonkey, yes this is what I'm hoping for too. It's just the not knowing what's round the corner. That makes me feel I need to be organized. Gem

 

[jaymor]

It is a good idea to take a look around to see what kind of homes are in your area. The not so nice you can disregard and keep a note of the ones you think maybe right for your Mum.

Personally I would not mention to your Mum at this early stage anything about care homes.

Everyone progresses differently, my husband had Alzheimer's for 7 years before care was needed. Just take it a day at a time and try not to look too far ahead or burden your Mum with thoughts of care homes. As long as you have an idea of what there is for her should the time come, that's all you need to do.

Enjoy your time with your Mum and hopefully you will have quite a long time ahead to share together.

Jay

 

[willingdonkey]

hi gem

Hi Willingdonkey, yes this is what I'm hoping for too. It's just the not knowing what's round the corner. That makes me feel I need to be organized. Gem

be happy for now, yes its good to plan, be careful with care homes i am in a dreadful situation with mam just since last tues, sis put her in ch for restbite and she is heartbroken wants to come home, i want her home, but bacause me and sis dont agree on care home are refusing to let mam home until an assessment is done. i am frantic the ch is awful, its as far removed from a caring home as it could possibly be.. if i get her home i will care for her for the rest of her days, whatever it takes, ill never have her set foot in any of the places. im really tired now my eyes are black, i cant settle knowing mam is frightened and so unhappy, when she should be at home and safe

 

[LYN T]

Hi Gem

Personally I wouldn't start looking now as it could be quite some time before your Mum needs a CH (if ever). What looks good at this time may change by the time your Mum needs extra care. Managers leave, staff change and that can change the 'feel' of a CH.If your Mum eventually does need residential care, you will have to take into account her particular needs at that time.

Try not to look too far ahead and make sure she (and you) are receiving the help she needs NOW

Take care

Lyn T

 

[annie h]

Lyn is right - the problem is that planning ahead is likely to turn out to be a waste of time and even worse result in bitter disappointment. I went through two rounds of looking for potential future places for my mum as her condition obviously deteriorated. And then when she actually needed the 24 hour care the place I'd set my heart on said they couldn't take her because they couldn't meet her needs. Bear in mind that they can only assess at the time they are about to take someone in and if the assessment at that point is that the place is unsuitable you will be disappointed.

 

[jstmcm]

Personally I think it is good that you are researching CHs now. I agree that if you don't need them for several years they might have changed, but you would want to visit the top two or three again anyway when the time comes, and the more research you do now, the easier it will be to make the right decision in the end.

Early last year my Mum had a very bad day and told me she wanted to move into a home straight away. I had only just started investigating what was available, so was not in a position to make that happen right then. By the time I had chosen the best home for her, she was refusing to move into a CH at all. How I wish that I had been prepared so that we could have moved her when she wanted it.

Whether you take your Mum to see homes will very much depend on how she feels about the idea of ever moving into one, whether it would upset her and how much she would understand. What I did was a lot of preliminary research online, reading CQC reports and reviews on Care Home listing websites, then visited the ones I hadn't already crossed off the list and got it down to the top two which I took Mum to see. Unfortunately by the time we reached that point she had got into "I'm not leaving home" mode and she wasn't positive about either of them, but she wouldn't have been positive about any other home either so I have chosen the one which I think is the best for her. I have still not succeeded in persuading her to move though.

J

 

[Neph]

Personally I wouldn't take mum to visit, you may not need them for a few years, but if I were you I would go and scope out those in your area, just to give yourself a feel for them, but don't tell them you are coming. Drop in on them and if they are accommodating and willing to show you everything then that's good, if not then maybe cross those ones off your list for the time being.

 

[Sammyjo1]

I'm in a similar position. My OH was diagnosed with Alzheimers a few months ago and whilst I know it may be ages before he needs care, I was delighted to discover that there is a very good (but expensive!) dementia care home quite close to us.

I am hoping I won't need to use it for a very long time but knowing that it is there has given me a huge feeling of relief as that is one less thing to worry about. I don't think I would take OH to see it at this stage as he would then see the other clients and would see what his future may be like - it's all very well talking about it but I think the reality would hit home and that's unnecessary at this stage.

 

[gem2014]

Thank you all for your comments, and I think your right that at present it's wise not to involve mum. At the moment she is doing well but as you all know we then have a blip for a week and panic sets in. But then every thing settles down again.
My only concern is that I have seen a couple of homes that seem really nice, which are always full, which I suppose is a good thing. But I can't put mums name down on a waiting list until she has had an assessment.