I miss my Mum

babystar

Registered User
Apr 10, 2013
132
0
Just watching a film and there was a scene between mother and daughter and have just been bawling my eyes out as I miss my Mum. She's still here but in the advanced stages and it doesn't feel like she's my Mum any more. It's like she's just this person I visit and help and at times get annoyed with. I don't know what's come over me but just seeing a "normal" mother/daughter scene has really upset me. I miss being able to have a conversation with her, talking about things in our lives, picking up the telephone to ask her a question about something. It's like she's gone, but still here at the same time. I guess sometimes feelings come over us and you realise you may not be dealing with it as well as you thought :(
 

Dustycat

Registered User
Jul 14, 2014
215
0
North East
Aw bless. I know exactly how you feel. My Mam didn't know me for the last 14 months of her life which was hard. She was still my Mam but not the same person. She died in May and I miss her every day especially not being able to ring her and her caring motherly ways. It's like she was taken from me twice. You are right that seeing mothers and daughters and the joy they share is hard to bear sometimes. Wish things could go back to the way they were. Take care. Xx
 

Polly1945

Registered User
Oct 24, 2012
261
0
Hereford
Hi Babystar and Dustycat

I understand completely how you both feel. .."she's gone but still here"... it is so very sad, and to add to that hurt, we can feel very guilty.

I thought that I was coping well, until recently when my lovely Mum has gone downhill rapidly since coming out of hospital. She's 98 but always was very good for her age, now she is beginning to look 98 due to not being able to walk straight and having to push a frame around...I too have shed a few tears in the past few weeks.

Pauline
xx
 

dalmation lady

Registered User
Feb 3, 2014
48
0
I know exactly what you mean I've sat and cried many a time knowing I can't ask my Dad for help or his advice ever again. I miss not being able to just turn up at my parents house for a cup of tea and a chat in case he's having a bad day in which case the visit will turn into a screaming mess and I will be accused of all sorts of hurtful lies. The constant strain of not upsetting him is so draining, he can fly into a rage if you answer him in a tone of voice he doesn't like, if you look at him in a way he dislikes, the list is endless.
My youngest son can no longer go round as the behaviour is just something he shouldn't witness.
I think one of the worst part of this disease is that the sufferer will forget what he has said, but no matter how many times you tell yourself "it's the disease talking" I can't forget the things he has said
 

babystar

Registered User
Apr 10, 2013
132
0
I assume Mum knows who I am but who knows? All she says the majority of time is "yeah" and laughs, which is much better than being paranoid or violent etc. The doctor said we are lucky considering the stage she's at that she's so jovial. But I get annoyed or probably more frustrated that that's the way she is. Because I know her from "before" it's so difficult to accept who she is now. And I don't know whether she genuinely is unable to understand anything, or whether she's fully aware but can't communicate. It all went downhill fast after my Dad died suddenly. I don't want to let him down, I worry that he'd be disappointed looking down on me and seeing how sometimes I can't cope and get frustrated with her. It's so difficult.
 

kingmidas1962

Registered User
Jun 10, 2012
3,534
0
South Gloucs
I remember suddenly being confronted with the 'never again' thought one day. I was in a garden centre café when a lady if about my age came in, with what I presume was her dad. They linked arms and had a chat about what was on the menu and whether to have tea or coffee etc ... and it suddenly hit me that I could never do that again with dad.

It's so hard xxx

Sent from my GT-I9300 using Talking Point mobile app
 

tealover

Registered User
Sep 8, 2011
168
0
Hugs to all xxxxx

A dreadful aspect of the disease that I have yet to face, although I think about it considerably.....I suppose in trying to prepare myself for it. Mum is deteriorating quickly and I still struggle with the guilt associated with that.....I cannot get my head round it all, and find it hard to go to the places we would love to go together because I don't want to go without her because I want to believe she is as she was then but when we are together I realise very much that she isn't.

Only once has she not recognised me - and my heart sank and I filled up....then I realised that I had tied my hair up on that occasion.....so have worn it down always since then and never been greeted since by somebody who just looked at me like a stranger. So horrible, my heart goes out to you

xx
 

gillybean

Registered User
Jan 17, 2007
418
0
God I hate this disease and can associate with all you have all said.

First I lost my Dad to this, not once but twice you all know what I mean.

Now my Mum, it's like she has died already I am grieving every day, the little routine and things we shared have completely gone and I feel like she's already died. For example every night around the same time the phone would ring, that's so hard to get used to, the phone calls have gone now she's in hospital and the things that meant so much to her like her grand daughter don't exist in her world or mean anything. Like my daughter recently went to university, I told her she'd got her grades and was going and was met with a blank expression which saddened me so much as I know just how pleased and proud Mum would have been for her and even bought her a gift but those things are gone and Mum isn't 'here' any more. When I go to her empty house it's like the Marie Celeste, I can't bring myself to sort it all out though I know one day I'll have to I just can't whilst she's still here all her personal things just get to me, like her reading glasses on the table sometimes I sit there and cry alone thinking about when were were a family. I miss out chats so much and doing her shopping just the little things. I am actually dreading Christmas, it's s family time and how can I get her to enjoy it, what could I buy her that means anything, nothing....I hate this disease it is so cruel what it has changed my Mum into.
 

Witzend

Registered User
Aug 29, 2007
4,283
0
SW London
My mother has not known me for ages now. Her decline has been so very long and slow. A daughter asked me recently whether it upsets me to see granny like that, and I had to say, no, not really, not any more - at least not for myself, since I 'lost' her so long ago. I have come to accept it. But I do get upset for HER, seeing her in such a pitiful state, with no dignity. She is very well and kindly cared for but that is a different matter.

It was brought home hard to me last year to cherish the family I have, and make the most of now, after my cousin lost her son at only 38, to a galloping form of leukaemia. He had been very fit, good job - it was so sudden and devastating. You just never know what may be around the corner. Life can be so very cruel. I often used to think how cruel it was that my mother was forced to go on as she is, well into her 90s, but how much more cruel it was for my poor cousin's son.
 

Pottingshed50

Registered User
Apr 8, 2012
514
0
I read all of your posts and my feelings and thoughts are, that is me. Mum is 94 now and has not known me for about 3 years. Before she went into the Care Home, she introduced me to everyone as her friend who was visiting.. Now when I see her she will say my name because I say it but there is no recognition whatsoever. When I ring her as I live away, we last about 5 seconds when she without warning just puts the phone down on me.

It really used to get to me but as time has gone on I have tried desperately to think that Mum isnt there anymore and all that we have left , as you all say, is this dreadful disease.

God bless you all.