Well, here I am
- Thread starter kingmidas1962
- Start date
It is a lovely photo, a handsome fella and from what I can remember from a photo you posted of yourself yonkies ago, you take after your Dad.
I had lovely photos of Mam taken on ipod but they weren't high enough resolution to be used, in the end we used one of her raising a glass of wine at my niece's wedding. It was a lovely photo of her but it would have galled her a little as she was pretty much teetotal.
x
I had lovely photos of Mam taken on ipod but they weren't high enough resolution to be used, in the end we used one of her raising a glass of wine at my niece's wedding. It was a lovely photo of her but it would have galled her a little as she was pretty much teetotal.
x
Your dad looks absolutely smashing, KM. What a lovely gentle, smiley person he looks. I'm glad you found such a lovely photo.
I have a favourite photo of my dad, it's just a snap, a perfectly ordinary snap, but it's my very favourite, he's about 40ish and looks so lovely, and daddish. Just how I still think of him in my mind, and he's now 76! I know it's perhaps a little morbid, but when the time comes, a long way in the future, I hope, that will be the photo I will use.
For my mam, my favourite is one that was taken on her wedding day. She is just so, so beautiful, and perfect, and sparkly, and happy and in love. It's just gorgeous.
I hope all goes well at your dad's funeral. I love the songs/music you've chosen and I like the idea of the guests wearing something yellow - perhaps even their own yellow buttonhole, or a yellow ribbon or scarf, or tie for the gents, what a good idea! I think your dad would like that.
xx
I have a favourite photo of my dad, it's just a snap, a perfectly ordinary snap, but it's my very favourite, he's about 40ish and looks so lovely, and daddish. Just how I still think of him in my mind, and he's now 76! I know it's perhaps a little morbid, but when the time comes, a long way in the future, I hope, that will be the photo I will use.
For my mam, my favourite is one that was taken on her wedding day. She is just so, so beautiful, and perfect, and sparkly, and happy and in love. It's just gorgeous.
I hope all goes well at your dad's funeral. I love the songs/music you've chosen and I like the idea of the guests wearing something yellow - perhaps even their own yellow buttonhole, or a yellow ribbon or scarf, or tie for the gents, what a good idea! I think your dad would like that.
xx
Well remembered - indeed I do look like him. The eyes are the same strange mixture of green and blue, and the personality is also very similar (but of course you cant see that)
It was my husbands idea - the original photo I had was a scan of a very blurry paper copy - 'what about our wedding album?' said husband - and there it was. The perfect photo!
It's a wonderful picture...I would never have thought of that.
If you were stuck for something to put on the order of service......I've just re-read your Dr Seuss quote...more tears!!!
If you were stuck for something to put on the order of service......I've just re-read your Dr Seuss quote...more tears!!!
'I wish it was over'
This is all I am hearing from my mum ... I KNOW its painful, I KNOW she'd rather not think about it but to just rush through everything without even a second thought seems horribly disrespectful to dad.
Today I just checked a couple of little details about the eulogy with her - I wanted to know the order of dads siblings! I wanted to make sure I hadn't mistakenly said he was the middle child if he was the youngest - I didn't know my aunts and uncles well at all.
'I wish it was over' she said. Again.
So I replied 'I know its horribly sad, mum - and I know you wish it was over but this is THE last thing we do for dad, and we have to do it. And to rush it through seems as if we are casting him aside - and making it seem like he is unimportant. I want to celebrate what a wonderful person he was. Does that make sense to you?'
She just shrugged. Difficult times.
This is all I am hearing from my mum ... I KNOW its painful, I KNOW she'd rather not think about it but to just rush through everything without even a second thought seems horribly disrespectful to dad.
Today I just checked a couple of little details about the eulogy with her - I wanted to know the order of dads siblings! I wanted to make sure I hadn't mistakenly said he was the middle child if he was the youngest - I didn't know my aunts and uncles well at all.
'I wish it was over' she said. Again.
So I replied 'I know its horribly sad, mum - and I know you wish it was over but this is THE last thing we do for dad, and we have to do it. And to rush it through seems as if we are casting him aside - and making it seem like he is unimportant. I want to celebrate what a wonderful person he was. Does that make sense to you?'
She just shrugged. Difficult times.
Everyone has their own ways KM.
Your mum is a depressive and her behaviour is true to form.
You are obviously making sure you do the very best for your dad and that seems true to form too.
I do hope all goes well. You are certainly planning everything down to the last detail. Your dad would be proud of you, I`m sure.
Your mum is a depressive and her behaviour is true to form.
You are obviously making sure you do the very best for your dad and that seems true to form too.
I do hope all goes well. You are certainly planning everything down to the last detail. Your dad would be proud of you, I`m sure.
Yes, very true - it makes me realise that I am, among other things, rather intolerant and maybe not as understanding as I think I am. What is worrying me is 'afterwards'. My mums world is full of 'wishing things had been different' and this time, if she 'wishes' it had been done differently it will most definitely be too late.
KM, is there someone who can be a shepherd for Mum during the day of the funeral? I think that, although she is " The Widow" you have been the carer, the daughter, and now the bereaved. I think that, having done all the planning, you need to be able to say Goodbye to your Dad's body ( his spirit will always be there for you) and not just being obliged to spend the time being Mum's comfort blanket. Yes that sounds hard, but Sylvia hit the nail on the head when she said Mum is depressive, I also think that she is more of a taker than a giver perhaps she does it unconciously ( me..( unkindly) I'm not sure), and because you will always give...she will always take.
Afterwards...when she says " I wish..." tell her Dad wanted things like this...simple and straightforward. I'm sure this is true, you couldn't have planned it without the input his life and times has given you.
) and not just being obliged to spend the time being Mum's comfort blanket. Yes that sounds hard, but Sylvia hit the nail on the head when she said Mum is depressive, I also think that she is more of a taker than a giver perhaps she does it unconciously ( me..( unkindly) I'm not sure), and because you will always give...she will always take.Afterwards...when she says " I wish..." tell her Dad wanted things like this...simple and straightforward. I'm sure this is true, you couldn't have planned it without the input his life and times has given you.
KM, is there someone who can be a shepherd for Mum during the day of the funeral? I think that, although she is " The Widow" you have been the carer, the daughter, and now the bereaved. I think that, having done all the planning, you need to be able to say Goodbye to your Dad's body ( his spirit will always be there for you
Afterwards...when she says " I wish..." tell her Dad wanted things like this...simple and straightforward. I'm sure this is true, you couldn't have planned it without the input his life and times has given you.
I think she will have a couple of 'minders' on the day - my niece, particularly, is very fond of mum (her nan) and even postponed her holiday to come to the funeral.
And yes, she will always be a 'taker' and I think sometimes it is subconscious - and sometimes it is very deliberate, if she feels things are getting away from her. And you're not unkind at all for thinking that - its true.
I thought a while back that she had become very 'spoilt' living with dad - he was SO placid that he went along with everything. Not in a begrudging way, but simply in the way that it didn't matter as much to him, and so mum got her way a lot. Like a sulky child.
Dad was a very 'unfussy' person.
Mum keeps things very hidden in the way of 'don't let anyone see', 'I'll make myself look silly', 'I don't want people knowing my business' etc - dad was just straightforward!
Funerals are very stressful social times even if you take out the feeling of grief for the person who has died.
They're very stressful.
To be the centre of attention and a Widow, surely, is the most important one at the funeral, is extra stressful.
I understand her cry 'I wish it was all over'.
I would think she'll need support to get her through the day and hopefully once the stress of old family members returning and old colleagues re-appearing has abated, she will not feel so stressed.
It's a blessing that she isn't broken hearted with grief.
They're very stressful.
To be the centre of attention and a Widow, surely, is the most important one at the funeral, is extra stressful.
I understand her cry 'I wish it was all over'.
I would think she'll need support to get her through the day and hopefully once the stress of old family members returning and old colleagues re-appearing has abated, she will not feel so stressed.
It's a blessing that she isn't broken hearted with grief.
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Well - tomorrow's the day. There is nothing else to do! Mum decided she wanted some new shoes - we went into a local shoe shop and by chance they had a perfect pair of sandals, in her size. It's still quite warm for the time of year so she was concerned that her feet would be too hot in her formal shoes! We have told people they need not wear black, and asked people to wear something yellow if they have anything. Mum has a little brooch with yellow stones - and I found a lovely yellow scarf this evening so I bought it for her. I hope it goes well!
Sent from my GT-I9300 using Talking Point mobile app
Sent from my GT-I9300 using Talking Point mobile app
I will be thinking of you tomorrow and hoping it all goes just as you want it to and as your father would have wanted.
I haven't posted here for a number of reasons but I have read of all your preparations and it has brought my own for Dave back to the forefront of my mind.
For me, unlike your mother, everything just happened too quickly.
There was something having to be organised every day or so it seemed and decisions having to be made there and then, when I needed more time to mull things over more to make sure it was right.
Then, it was all over and the feeling was that it had all happened too quickly.
Although different, in the same way that I hope the funeral planned for Dave was what he would have wanted, I am sure that that which you have planned for your father is just what he would have wanted.
As you have so aptly said, it is the last thing we can do for someone, to say farewell in the very best way we can and that is just what you are doing.
all the very best for tomorrow. xxx
I haven't posted here for a number of reasons but I have read of all your preparations and it has brought my own for Dave back to the forefront of my mind.
For me, unlike your mother, everything just happened too quickly.
There was something having to be organised every day or so it seemed and decisions having to be made there and then, when I needed more time to mull things over more to make sure it was right.
Then, it was all over and the feeling was that it had all happened too quickly.
Although different, in the same way that I hope the funeral planned for Dave was what he would have wanted, I am sure that that which you have planned for your father is just what he would have wanted.
As you have so aptly said, it is the last thing we can do for someone, to say farewell in the very best way we can and that is just what you are doing.
all the very best for tomorrow. xxx
I'm sorry to hear you felt rushed through things. I know what you mean about having to make decisions quickly though. It doesn't seem right.
Xxx
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