Getting help

[Flisse]

I have a dad who is one month short of 90 and has been diagnosed with vascular dementia. It is beginning to get worse. He is becoming more aggressive at times (verbal). He is declining showers and as he has a permanent catheter hygiene is fairly important. He has regular uti's because of this and declining to drink regularly. He has started to mess himself periodically.
I have spoken to ss but they say most of his problems are medical and I need to talk to the GP. They seem to deem him able to decision make. Refusal to shower and be clean is his choice.
I think he now needs full time care ( yes feel v guilty). He has 4 times a d ay visits but it is not enough
How can I get them to see he really needs help?

 

[Anniewragby]

Hello Flisse, I'm sorry to hear that things are not going well. I'm not sure exactly what to advise but i feel that you are going to have to get back to SS and be really assertive. Have you kept a diary of your dad's problems, aggression etc? Who arranged the carers and what were they asked to do? Good carers should be able to help your dad have a shower and not give in if he declines the offer - it's down to the way they ask.These problems ARE social and his well being is at risk. If 4 care visits a day are not catering for his needs then SS have to act. You haven't told us if he lives alone or has any social contact - so a care home may offer him a better quality of life in residential care so please forget about feeling guilty on that score.
Keep posting and everyone will help as much as they can.

 

[Flisse]

Social/health

Hi
Thanks. I am hoping social services will get back to me when they have spoken with the carers. My dad lives alone has always refused daycare.
The carers try their best but he refuses all. I have left a message for the Dr to ring me but of course I don't have poa for his health. They will listen but if they think he has mental capacity they cannot act if he refuses their offers.
I am in a catch 22 where neither agency is proving helpful.
He would be better in a home, social interaction and everything done for him. He has always been difficult before dementia.
Carers arranged by ss following assessment in hospital and confirmation of vascular dementia. Showering is on the care plan but carers say they can only ask not force a person to shower.
I am quite a forceful person I think but very unwilling to see my point today at ss.
I suppose I was looking for support which unfortunately I didn't"t get at ss