Newbie - introduction

Lisajk

Registered User
Aug 31, 2014
16
0
Nottinghamshire
Hi all,
Firstly, can I just say what a great help I've found TP already. Your stories have been both therapeutic and helpful to me.
I'm a full-time carer for my MIL, who had a Stroke almost 3 years ago which resulted in severe mobility issues and Vascular Dementia.
MIL was in a care home for a short period but wasn't adjusting well and wasn't eating or drinking and spending all day in bed. I gave up work and she moved back home and so began my full-time role as Carer. I stay over 5 nights a week and have two days off (which are a god send). MIL's daughter fills in for my days off.
I'm ashamed to say that as time goes on and the disease progresses, I'm not coping as well as I should. I find myself increasingly frustrated and stressed by the constant repetition, refusals to drink and eat, constantly questioning where we are, and the mis-trust in anything and everything we say!
Her ability to carry out every day things, such as brushing her teeth are now virtually non-existent. She literally needs help for every thing. I've lost count of the amount of days I've spent cleaning up vomit and diarrhoea. I literally dread what I'll walk in to the next day.
I feel like screaming sometimes (getting more frequent).
MIL's health is ok, and I find myself wondering how long I can keep this up. I'd hate the thought of her in a care home again. She's had the odd week in respite but always came out dehydrated and looking shocking because of her refusal to drink.
So, although I have no specific questions, it's been good to be able to vent.
 
Last edited:

marionq

Registered User
Apr 24, 2013
6,449
0
Scotland
One of the good things about venting is that it often helps you to answer your own questions. Can you continue to look after MIL? Answer - well only if you get a proper break when her daughter steps in.

You need a diary or at least a list of days and outcomes. You need to have an honest rather than an accusatory discussion with SIL including the likelihood of MIL going back into care unless things improve. There is no loss of face in admitting this dratted illness has you beat at times. Join the club!
 

1954

Registered User
Jan 3, 2013
3,835
0
Sidcup
Welcome to talking point

I sorry to hear of your situation. My MIL lives with us and it is really hard. Have you had a carer's assessment? Could you get her to day centre a few days a week?
 

Lisajk

Registered User
Aug 31, 2014
16
0
Nottinghamshire
Thanks. Yes I had a carers assessment when I first started caring for her. She refuses to go to day centres, as she says there's nothing wrong with her, and 'she's not like all those others' :mad: