Respite care. How hard is it to get?

DollyO

Registered User
Aug 25, 2014
29
0
Hi

I was just wondering whether people here have been able to access respite care for their loved ones with or without a battle?

Just a quick sum up of what's going on: My mum is in the very early stages of dementia, has been referred for a brain scan. My dad is in a nursing home with a terminal brain tumour. Social services are involved with her as she is disabled and not able to cope by herself, Dad was her carer. She currently has 2 carers visits a day to administer her medication. She has a help at home lady who takes her shopping once a week. Had a meeting with her new social worker last week who is nominating her for extra care housing. Sounds fairly straightforward? Wrong!

The problem is, i am the only child and she calls me constantly moaning about all her ailments, how she can't cope, how ive got to go over to her's (i live 2 hours away). A large part of me thinks this is emotional blackmail to get me over there. I rang her last night and she said the GP never called her back about her back pain. I ended up having to dial 111 for medical advise. They spoke to mum and told her she should go to hospital. But she had no way of getting there and couldn't face going by herself at 9pm. So she then rang me this morning and said i had to go over, she was still in pain with her back and couldn't move, and that her breathing was bad. So i told her to call an ambulance. I figured that is she was in extreme pain then she needs medical attention. The ambulance eventually arrived and ambulance practioner called me saying she was ok and not in extreme pain, she was able to walk around. She said that this is more of a social issue (ie she is depressed and not coping with dad being so ill) and that she is very much at risk because she is refusing to eat (she has a fridge full of food but can never face eating anything) and is not managing to take her dihydracodeine with any regularlity (she needs to take it more often than the carers visit). She has highly recommended that my mum go into respite care so that both her and i can have a break. She is emailing my mum's gp practice manager and is explaining how bad the situation has become, that she is now very vulnerable etc. She has told me to ring them on monday morning and press for respite care. I now think this is the only option for now as i cannot care for her and deal with my dad 's terminal condition, its going to send me over the edge :(. She has also told me to inform my mum's social worker in monday.

Can people advise me if respite care IS likely to be offered, especially with this written recommendation from the ambulance practitioner? How much else do things have to escalate?

Eleanor
 
Last edited:

Beate

Registered User
May 21, 2014
12,179
0
London
In my case I had to request it and had assessments done, including financial, they gave me a list of care homes to look at which could offer the short-term respite I was after, I had to decide on one, then it had to go to panel who had to decide on it and in the end I was granted 3 weeks out of a maximum of 8 per year. It took a few months and then you have to contact the care home and keep your fingers crossed that they have availability!
Nothing's easy where Social Services are involved...
 

DollyO

Registered User
Aug 25, 2014
29
0
In my case I had to request it and had assessments done, including financial, they gave me a list of care homes to look at which could offer the short-term respite I was after, I had to decide on one, then it had to go to panel who had to decide on it and in the end I was granted 3 weeks out of a maximum of 8 per year. It took a few months and then you have to contact the care home and keep your fingers crossed that they have availability!
Nothing's easy where Social Services are involved...

Thank you. Oh dear. That does not sound good. :(
 

loveahug

Registered User
Nov 28, 2012
1,071
0
Moved to Leicester
Hi Dolly. Is your mum self or part funding? If she gets carer's allowance and council tax exemption because of mental impairment then could she afford carers more often to ensure medication is taken properly. Or contact AgeUK or Crossroads for a volunteer visitor?

You are certainly between a rock and a hard place, to be 2 hours away makes it so, so hard to deal with it all.

Big hugs x
 

count2ten

Registered User
Dec 13, 2013
186
0
Hi Dolly. Is your mum self or part funding? If she gets carer's allowance and council tax exemption because of mental impairment then could she afford carers more often to ensure medication is taken properly. Or contact AgeUK or Crossroads for a volunteer visitor?

You are certainly between a rock and a hard place, to be 2 hours away makes it so, so hard to deal with it all.

Big hugs x

Hi Dolly, don't be fobbed off by social services. You are entitled to a carer's assessment in your own right, this is a legal obligation by your local authority and they have to take into account your needs as well as your mother's. There is plenty of legislation out there to ensure that you get what you need to continue with your caring role. Your mother should be assessed by a social worker and then they will apply for funding for whatever her needs are. If she and you need respite care then this should be provided for anything up to 6 - 8 weeks a year to give you regular breaks . This is in addition to any other needs, such as home care for personal care, meals, medication etc, and also day care to meet her social needs. You can ask for emergency respite as well, although you may not get such a good choice as when this is a planned service. Extra care is a very good option, but it can be a bit of a long process as it involves tenancies etc. Once you get the ball rolling keep on at them, emails, phone calls, anything to make sure you get what you both need.
 

count2ten

Registered User
Dec 13, 2013
186
0
Hi Dolly. Is your mum self or part funding? If she gets carer's allowance and council tax exemption because of mental impairment then could she afford carers more often to ensure medication is taken properly. Or contact AgeUK or Crossroads for a volunteer visitor?

You are certainly between a rock and a hard place, to be 2 hours away makes it so, so hard to deal with it all.

Big hugs x

Hi - just for information, the carer's allowance is a weekly allowance paid to the carer if they provide a minimum number of hours of care (think it's about 30 so wouldn't be paid to someone working full time for instance). And it can only be applied for if the cared-for is in receipt of Attendance Allowance (or DLA). Not a lot of people are aware they can claim the carer's allowance. It is currently about £65 a week,. The CAB and AGe UK have a lot of information about this.
 

WILLIAMR

Account Closed
Apr 12, 2014
1,078
0
I had to go in to hospital for a varicose vein operation and contacted social services a month before and kept on phoning and we then had to go to an office for Dad to be assessed and they said he qualified for funding from a financial point of view.

They then asked which hospital I was going it to and it was private as I had life time private cover from my ex employers.

The person just suggested I went around the homes and pay for it myself as I was having private treatment which was not very useful.

As it was close to the date I asked in a few homes and they said they would have him if they had an empty room on the day which was not much use.

Eventually a neighbour volunteered to look after him and she bought him to the hospital etc.

We did complain to the council after but it was basically not interested.

William
 

Not so Rosy

Registered User
Nov 30, 2013
578
0
Dads Care Plan allowed for 4 weeks respite per annum from 2010 except nobody ever told me till 2013. :mad:

Dad had to go into respite twice in 2013, not by choice, once the care agency ran out of male carers and once when Dads road flooded. Because of the way respite year was calculated we ended up paying.
 

Wildlife

Registered User
Jun 19, 2012
48
0
Sheffield
I think it depends very much on where you live. Mum has provision for 6 weeks respite in her care plan, but I had to make it vey clear the the SW that without this I would go under. However, it's not easy to find Care Homes that will provide planned respite. Many of them say they will take Mum if they have a spare room when I need it, but that's not much use if I want to book a holiday.
We are currently about to try the third Care Home in 3 years. Nothing wrong with the first two, they just stopped offering planned respite. I've never had any help from SS finding anywhere, it's always been left up to me. (Mum has a personal budget to which she contributes)
 

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