Snap I'm 54 and hubby 65 been married for nearly 35 years ,and I desperately miss him not the life we planned,but good to know I'm not the only one in the same situation.
Silently screaming
- Thread starter LynneMcV
- Start date
TP must be the most empathetic, caring and loving forum ever. 
I read posts that have me in tears, others that make me angry, on the carer's behalf, and some that radiate such unselfishness, that I feel quite humbled.
I think the very act of writing down the problems we face, and reading the kind and caring responses, is so uplifting. Love to all carers. xxx
I read posts that have me in tears, others that make me angry, on the carer's behalf, and some that radiate such unselfishness, that I feel quite humbled.I think the very act of writing down the problems we face, and reading the kind and caring responses, is so uplifting.
Love to all carers. xxx
I just want to send out big ((((( cyber hugs)))) to everyone who has posted here. I feel for each and every one of you and I thank you from the bottom of my heart for taking time to read my words - and to share what you are going through too. Being honest about our feeling and being able to share them makes us all feel much less alone in all of this, I am sure.
Sometimes it seems the hardest words to write are just what is needed for the sense of healing and support to seep in. xx
Sometimes it seems the hardest words to write are just what is needed for the sense of healing and support to seep in. xx
I agree Lynne, having the support and understanding from TP really does help one move forward to understand that we are not alone, and how we feel sometimes is not unacceptable or selfish. It does not matter if we have friends and family close by, if they aren't here 24/7 then they don't know what we live with day in and day out and how much our lives have changed. The compassion we receive here reminds us that we are human, gives us a safe place to vent, and when needed, cyber hugs to get us through a rough patch. I too am forever grateful I found this group as I know I could not manage this journey without them - although I admit I still stifle screams sometimes.
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I have only just started this journey with my hubby and feel that TP is a helpful, caring forum. People on here are extremely supportive even if they can not answer or comment on post. I feel apppreciated and that my feelings are validated even though we are strangers to each other in the real world I feel that we are all friends, journeying through this horrible disease together.
Stay strong, Big hugs and take care XxxxX
Stay strong, Big hugs and take care XxxxX
So glad we have helped. If you have a moment go to the members area and join the tea room. This is the where we talk about just about anything mostly not dementia related and we get to know each other a bit better. There is a thread there called jokes to cheer you up. There will always be something there to bring a smile to your face.
It was good to see you in the chat room,
Jay
Acceptance
This is my first tentative journey into Talking Point after just recently having to accept that my husband has dementia. He is 17 years older than me (i am 51, he is 69) and I love him dearly. we have only been together for 12 years, and I feel that all our plans together have now been cruelly taken away from us. At the beginning we could not stop crying. I felt as though I was going through a bereavement, because the husband I married was quickly becoming a stranger.
I also have my own business and work full time, but he has become so dependent on me and gets frustrated and upset when he cannot remember things. It has been a very difficult and exhausting year, and with my busy business really taking off, I am increasingly worried whether I will be able to cope with work and caring for my husband. I am self employed so I cannot afford to take time off, and this really worries me.
But I have found that It can get really overwhelming when you look too far ahead, so we are trying to take things one day at a a time. I have found mindfulness meditation to be a real help, and hope I can form a meditation group locally to me to help other carers to let go of worry thoughts and replenish their energy.....my husband even finds it relaxing too
I am pleased I have taken time to join this forum.....as just writing this post has helped me feel better.....sometimes you feel so alone even though you have family and friends around you, so I am hoping that this forum is a safe place where I can offload whenever I have a little wobble...... X
This is my first tentative journey into Talking Point after just recently having to accept that my husband has dementia. He is 17 years older than me (i am 51, he is 69) and I love him dearly. we have only been together for 12 years, and I feel that all our plans together have now been cruelly taken away from us. At the beginning we could not stop crying. I felt as though I was going through a bereavement, because the husband I married was quickly becoming a stranger.
I also have my own business and work full time, but he has become so dependent on me and gets frustrated and upset when he cannot remember things. It has been a very difficult and exhausting year, and with my busy business really taking off, I am increasingly worried whether I will be able to cope with work and caring for my husband. I am self employed so I cannot afford to take time off, and this really worries me.
But I have found that It can get really overwhelming when you look too far ahead, so we are trying to take things one day at a a time. I have found mindfulness meditation to be a real help, and hope I can form a meditation group locally to me to help other carers to let go of worry thoughts and replenish their energy.....my husband even finds it relaxing too
I am pleased I have taken time to join this forum.....as just writing this post has helped me feel better.....sometimes you feel so alone even though you have family and friends around you, so I am hoping that this forum is a safe place where I can offload whenever I have a little wobble...... X
Hello CathyMacca and welcome to the forum.
You are right to take it a day at a time. No two sufferers will be the same, same problems but at different times and different intensity. Your husband will have a unique journey.
TP is the place to come for advice, support, a chat or even a good rant.
We more than a tone else will understand your frustration and fears, we have all been there so no judgement is made just an ear to listen and a heart to understand.
Look forward to you joining us,
Jay
You are right to take it a day at a time. No two sufferers will be the same, same problems but at different times and different intensity. Your husband will have a unique journey.
TP is the place to come for advice, support, a chat or even a good rant.
We more than a tone else will understand your frustration and fears, we have all been there so no judgement is made just an ear to listen and a heart to understand.
Look forward to you joining us,
Jay
TP is a fantastic resource and I wouldn't be without it but maybe I'm expecting too much. I really miss having somewhere to go to meet folk in the flesh face to face as in normal and working life!
Much talk about dementia friends is made BUT carers and their dementia /AD carees have not got daily access to a meeting place and these resources are such a postcode lottery. Dementia cafés can be far away and once a month. So if you can't manage once it becomes 2+ months which is not very satisfactory in building up relationships. Support groups should be accessible to all within short travelling distance.
Maybe an unreasonable request but feel strongly about this. Result will be more sufferers in time as lack of social contact is one of the precursors to dementia!
Even singing for the brain is usually in the morning, but not every patient is at their best in the morning.
Much talk about dementia friends is made BUT carers and their dementia /AD carees have not got daily access to a meeting place and these resources are such a postcode lottery. Dementia cafés can be far away and once a month. So if you can't manage once it becomes 2+ months which is not very satisfactory in building up relationships. Support groups should be accessible to all within short travelling distance.
Maybe an unreasonable request but feel strongly about this. Result will be more sufferers in time as lack of social contact is one of the precursors to dementia!
Even singing for the brain is usually in the morning, but not every patient is at their best in the morning.
Joint mortgage ? what happens when husband in care home?
Hi all
Just after some advice . We moved into a bungalow Dec2014 and needed a small mortgage . Since then my husband has had a further stroke and has now gone into a nursing home asI can no longer care for him at home. Does anyone know if I will need to reapply for the mortgage or what happens in these circumstances? I am now looking at my finances and wondering how I am going to afford to live in the new house if all of his pensions are taken to pay for his care ? X
Hi all
Just after some advice . We moved into a bungalow Dec2014 and needed a small mortgage . Since then my husband has had a further stroke and has now gone into a nursing home asI can no longer care for him at home. Does anyone know if I will need to reapply for the mortgage or what happens in these circumstances? I am now looking at my finances and wondering how I am going to afford to live in the new house if all of his pensions are taken to pay for his care ? X
I look after hubby - he has been housebound for a number of years due to physical ailments and then along came vascular dementia. There are no dementia cafes/help groups etc where we live although I feel it would be good to meet others face to face. TP is a wonderful source of support and understanding, accessible to all of us. I recognise the feelings described above and it is so helpful to know that others feel the same feelings of loss of the life we had planned and hoped for with our loved ones although sad that it is so.
I'm afraid I can't offer advice re your mortgage but if it is a joint one I should think you could continue with it but you should check. Re pensions, if you are not self funding, the SS will take your husband's state pension and half his private pension/s and he also gets an allowance of something like £23 pw. They cannot leave you without enough to live on so you would probably qualify for pension credit or something similar. I am sure other TPers will have further advice.
