Who is from the sandwich generation?

[Noorza]

My bestest friend in the whole world is mid 50's and the kind of woman who goes into a toy shop at Christmas and starts all the toys off. I just love nutty people.

 

[kingmidas1962]

I'mm frequently told by my daughter that I'm immature ... Thank goodness!

 

[Noorza]

I'mm frequently told by my daughter that I'm immature ... Thank goodness!

Long live immaturity. My friend and I always say people can call us anything they like but don't dare call us normal.

 

[CollegeGirl]

I can be relied on to embarrass my daughter in front of her friends - it's my job - but the other day she told me that all of her friends think I'm lovely! I was so touched.

 

[kingmidas1962]

I can be relied on to embarrass my daughter in front of her friends - it's my job - but the other day she told me that all of her friends think I'm lovely! I was so touched.

Well that's because you ARE lovely

My daughter's best friend has my name in her mobile as 'mother King' (my surname) and I refer to her as my surrogate daughter! It's great when your children's friends like you too x

 

[SerenaS]

Hi everyone,

This discussion was started some time ago but I think there are many people on TP who can identify with it. We'll be discussing the sandwich generation in our chat room on Thursday evening.

If you've cared for a parent and a child or would like to support those who are, please do join us.

The chat room will be open on Thursday from 7.30-8.30pm.

 

[Witzend]

No longer sandwiched, but when FIL was living with us our daughters were still at school. They were coming up to GCSEs and A levels, so well able to understand, and were very good with him, but eventually the situation became untenable when he started wandering and banging around at night. The girls needed their sleep, ditto OH who was working long hours in a demanding job. Never mind me, having him all day every day - OH was often away - restless and pacing endlessly, and constantly asking the same ?s.

If it had not been for the disturbed nights I think I could have coped a bit longer, but TBH I'm not sure how long, since he also began to fly into rages that were so scary even my OH did not dare approach him. And he is a big hefty bloke. He only saw it once, but I was very glad since I'm sure he hadn't quite believed me when I described how bad they were.
Though to be entirely
fair I probably wouldn't have believed it, either.

 

[jimbo 111]

You never stop learning
When I read Noorza’s post ‘Who is from the sandwich generation? ‘

I thought it was some reminisce about scool children , or workers taking sandwiches for lunch
I was at first a bit confused by the replies
Did what I am always doing these days looked it up Google and got the answer to my ignorance

For those reading this post who are ‘old in the tooth’ like myself
the Sandwich generation is defined


The Sandwich generation is a generation of people who care for their aging parents while supporting their own children.
According to the Pew Research Center, just over 1 of every 8 Americans aged 40 to 60 is both raising a child and caring for a parent, in addition to between 7 to 10 million adults caring for their aging parents from a long distance. US Census Bureau statistics indicate that the number of older Americans aged 65 or older will double by the year 2030, to over 70 million.

The term "sandwich generation" was coined by Dorothy A Miller in 1981.[2]
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sandwich_generation

Thank you Noorza

 

[WILLIAMR]

I suppose I was lucky that my father mainly cared for my mother with cancer and when my father needed care my daughters were in their late 20's although there were grandchildren,
To a big extent the same happened with my wife.
None of our parents went in to care but my mother ended her life in a hospice.
I do know situations where a parent has been asked to pay top up when the children were at university because no home would take the grandparent at the councils rate.
Fortunately they knew the law and the council had to pay in the end.


William

 

[Sonas]

Hello all

I love the Nutella analogy. I'm using that one from now on!

My 65 year old mum is recently widowed and recently diagnosed with AD.
My baby has just turned 1. I am due back to work after maternity leave but am giving up so I can look after mum (and my little girl, of course!)
My maternity leave has been spent caring for Dad, mum and my baby.
My brother lives at the other side if the world, so it's just me!

We would love to have more children, but of course it's hard to think about with managing mom's care.
We are in the process of moving from the UK back to Ireland so I can look after mum. My husband will stay working in the UK and travel back and forth.

So that's my situation.
Thought I wouldn't have to be Nutella until I was in my 50's......

 

[Aussiesheila]

Sandwich of life

I often refer to myself as being the polony in the sandwich of life! Being in the middle of a Mum with Dementia who lives with my husband and I, and the regular care of a 9 year grandson whose parents work full time! In school holidays its a challenge to balance the needs of both - that said, I think it is teaching my grandson some valuable lessons in caring for someone, and although at times I know he finds it a bit confusing/confronting he tries hard to help her when he can. My Mum I know gets a bit jealous of him when she feels my attention is having to be shared - but my 'old Mum' adored my son, her grandson, and she still lights up when he gives her a big hug. Its all part of family life - though if I am completely honest I do wonder where it leaves me in the big picture!!!!!!

 

[dottyd]

I am not in the position now but I have been in the past. I don't think it is anything new and many of the older TP members will have experienced this in the past.

My own children were around 10 and 13 when my mother was dignosed with AD though she had been acting very oddly for some time previous to this. My children loved their Nan and this never faltered as they understood that she was ill, even though we had no knowledge of AD at all. Other people had no understanding at all.
The support now - even though much criticised - was non-existent at that time - some 30 years ago. There was also no Alzheimer's Society.

Most nursing homes would not take people who showed signs of dementia - we were told people need to make provision for this before it happened! It was up to the family to provide the care. My mother only had her state pension and there was no suggestion of help from any Social Services or anybody else. We just had to get on with it. My mother died in my sister's house with pneumonia at just 73 - the Dr had refused to send her to hospital.
Believe it or not - things are better now.

Wow. I didn't know. That is just awful.

 

[dottyd]

Hello all

I love the Nutella analogy. I'm using that one from now on!

My 65 year old mum is recently widowed and recently diagnosed with AD.
My baby has just turned 1. I am due back to work after maternity leave but am giving up so I can look after mum (and my little girl, of course!)
My maternity leave has been spent caring for Dad, mum and my baby.
My brother lives at the other side if the world, so it's just me!

We would love to have more children, but of course it's hard to think about with managing mom's care.
We are in the process of moving from the UK back to Ireland so I can look after mum. My husband will stay working in the UK and travel back and forth.

So that's my situation.
Thought I wouldn't have to be Nutella until I was in my 50's......

Just a thought. Would you not be better to have mum move to be nearer to you. It seems a real shame to be apart from your husband at such a joyful time.

I feel for you in such a situation.