How to keep Mum safe?

[Gknee]

A few things really troubling me and I'd appreciate any ideas.

Mum lives alone. She has mid-stage Alz and VaD. In the early stages she resisted having a personal/fall alarm. After 2 years, she was persuaded. But she refuses to wear it and sometimes I find it hidden/misplaced. Her house is large and no helpful neighbours who would notice if anything was wrong.

The pharmacy deliver her meds to her home. She doesn't remember to take them and also I have found them hidden/misplaced. At times she has taken too many or too few. She doesn't have the dexterity to use an alarm box so now I go to her house every day to give them to her.

She has a vitamin B12 deficiency. The pharmacy delivered the meds to her home. She had no idea what they were for and it was only by chance that I found them and removed them before they were misused or lost.

The pharmacy and the Dr surgery have told me this is 'procedure' and they have 'thousands of patients'. They won't keep the meds there. I have to take her for a series of injections. They don't class her as 'housebound' as she has me to take her to the surgery.

She has forgotten how to use a telephone. She often doesn't answer as she is hard of hearing but refuses to have a hearing aid. There are many occasions now when I call - receive no answer and find her in the garden, or watching TV with no idea that the phone has been ringing.

Her diet is very restricted. It consists of a community meal delivered 4 days a week which she often gives to the dog - and tomato sandwiches and chocolate biscuits. I buy her a variety of foods but she seems to have forgotten that anything other than roast dinners or tomatoes are foods. ( When I take her out for lunch she eats well.)

I used to make home-cooked meals for her but she forgot that they were in the freezer, then couldn't use the microwave, now doesn't want to heat them up any other way.

She has a weight obsession. She weighed 71/2 stones until recently. Docs have said she needs to gain weight but she worries about losing her figure. She is 86.

She has no other carer but me. Social services assessed that she was fine with support. I'm worried that she isn't safe. I'm also worried that I can't keep up the pace of care I need to give, and that it isn't enough.

I'm lucky that I'm a supply teacher. I have had to refuse work in order to care for her but I can't do this after the summer break.

Any ideas, comments gratefully received. Thanks.

 

[Grannie G]

Hello Gknee

Welcome to Talking Point.

Social services assessed that she was fine with support.

If Social Services accept the support you provide is good enough they are allowing your mother to be put at risk.

Your mother lacks capacity to take responsibility for her own medication.
Your mother lacks capacity to eat regular meals which have been provided for her.
Your mother lacks capacity to understand the need to wear a falls alarm.
Your mother is unable to use a phone.


Your mother is getting inadequate support. She needs a reassessment. If you can, please try to be there when it happens. Your mother will tell Social Services she is fine when it is obvious she isn`t.

 

[Gknee]

Thank you Grannie G

Thank you so much for your comments. I know she isn't safe.

Social services have just completed their 2nd assessment and said they don't think she needs any support from them. They suggested I have someone come in to give her meds twice a day - again she refuses. Despite this they deem her to have capacity.

She also leaves her key inside the door so that despite the key safe, no one could get to her even if she was wearing her alarm and it activated. I understand that she can live the life she chooses but can't cope with knowing she is putting herself at risk.

It seems to me to be time to activate the 'health' part of the enduring POA. Unfortunately she made it a 'joint' one with my sister who doesn't visit or communicate with either of us due to distance and her own personal circumstances.

I can't see how it would work. Perhaps I'm going round in circles here but I need a clear path to follow as I'm fresh out of creativity!

Thanks again. It is good to have someone who can see through the mess and get to the point.

 

[ASH74]

In the interim while you push for a SS's review I presume the meds come in dosette boxes? If not push for that (depending on local arrangements it could be the responsibility of the GP or the pharmacist) as it can increase medicine compliance.

Also, it isn't just your mum with weight obsession.....my 90 year old MIL (with dementia) always asks are her legs still shapely as she wants to be attractive to my FIL (89 with AZD) she worries he will run off with her widowed sisters!


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[Grannie G]

You can solve the key problem by installing a Euro fitting.

http://www.homesecureshop.co.uk/eur...m-brass-1059?gclid=CJnumYO-4r8CFavHtAodMxMAtA

These can be unlocked from the outside even if they are locked inside.

I had one fitted when my husband locked me out and left the key in the lock. It was excellent.

I`m afraid you`ll need to be a bit sneaky and make some excuse to your mother saying the lock is broken or words to that effect. But it is justified if it keeps her safe. people do need to gain access if she is ill or falls and they would have to break in if they couldn`t unlock the door.

 

[Gknee]

Thanks for that. The meds do come in a sort pre-dosed blister pack with days and pictures as prompts. She doesn't know what day it is and has underdosed and overdosed in the past. She lacks the memory to know what and when she has taken anything. I suspect that the hiding of the box arose from a need not be 'caught out'.

I'm so glad to know that the health v vanity issue isn't just her!!

Thanks again.

 

[Gknee]

That's useful.

That is such a handy device. I'm onto it immediately. Thank you so much.

 

[ASH74]

Also saying about capacity....what does her memory consultant say? For my in-laws SS's deemed them to have capacity this was followed up by the consultant who wrote to SS's saying that FIL didn't have capacity placing the ball firmly back in SS's court.

Also if the pharmacy are difficult about using dosette boxes it is covered by legislation in the equality act. http://psnc.org.uk/contract-it/pharmacy-regulation/dda/




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[ASH74]

Sorry our posts are crossing over !


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[Beate]

Oh do I remember the first assessment well. "Mr OH is able to dress and make himself food, he does not need our help."The fact that being able to make a sandwich and remembering to make a sandwich are two completely different things was lost on them. Only when a few months later I totally flipped and called them to say he's at risk from fraudsters as he is answering the phone to all and sundry, giving info out and doing the same at the door, did they spring into action. He is now at Day Centre 5 days a week where he gets a hot meal, he has several telecare gadgets and a sitting service.
What you have to do is emphasise to SS the fact how vulnerable, at risk and in danger your Mum is living on her own, not being able to eat and take meds on her own and that she is at risk of falling, hurting herself considerably and not being able to call for help. Lay it on thick. She either needs Day Care or carers coming into the house.
Make it very clear you will not be able to help out in future due to your job and that is THEIR duty of care to make sure your Mum is safe. Say that you will accept nothing less than an appropriate care package being put in place or you'll make them responsible if anything happens to your Mum.

 

[nitram]

If replacing any Euro Lock it is worthwhile spending the extra on an anti snap, anti pick and anti bump type.

>>>THIS VIDEO<< from a major supplier of secure Euro Locks shows the snap vulnerability.

Universal picks can be bought cheaply on the internet.

Bump keys for any profile can also be bought, they are also easy to make at home, I made one myself out of interest and just to prove it worked. I won't post how they work..

Some insurance companies object to thumb key locks and ask for evidence that they have been fitted on safety grounds. Thieves can gain access through a small window but need to open a convenient door to make a quick get away with the loot.

 

[Oxy]

A big dilemma for you and SS clearly too eager to save ! It is important that you are at all medical/ss meetings as it is so easy for dementia patient to pull wool over their eyes.
Clearly I don't know how deaf your parent is but whilst non compliance can be part of dementia, it can also be because it is ill fitting and so uncomfortable and indeed may not be doing its job. They need retubing every 6 months and any probs imparted to audiologist. Hearing test are every 2.5 - 3 years but can be sooner with dr letter. Also I had loop setting removed as if pressed in error they can hear nothing and if very deaf can't hear the beep indicating setting! Indeed dementia can make interpretation of beep hard. My caree never wanted to wear aid because more trouble than effect. When new aids fitted that enabled her to hear and the smile was the most beautiful sight and they are the first thing that gets done in the morning ritual.
Sensory loss can give symptoms similar to dementia and indeed exacerbate existing probs, I think because it is frightening. Phone with a loud ringer that she can't miss is useful (RNID catalogue)- they are so loud you jump!
I wish you every success with SS as from what you describe your parent is NOT safe. It sounds to me that unless a very good care package is in place she is at risk and although it is last thing any one wants, a home may be a safer outcome.
Possible microwave idea is to set it so only start button needs pressing which has a bump on on it. These are coloured raised stickers available from RNIB which are designed for blind but could help.
These are only ideas that may be too complex. Mid stage needs more help. I'm not familiar with B12deficiency symptoms but they could influence behaviour/cognitive side if not addressed hence vital need for carer administering drugs.
Sorry can't help more but use holidays to push SS till they respond. It is by law their responsibility. Maybe memory/ mental health nurse can help you. Best wishes.

 

[copsham]

I remember the solution to my mother not taking medication was dosette boxes!! Shame that she did not know what day it was nor able to open the blister pack.

When I found pain killers around the house and other tablets taken ahead of time. it was time to demand a carer going in 3 times a day. In acheiving this I had to say "You will be responsible if she overdoses on these dangerous medicines or dies from lack of them"

If she is loosing weight can you encourage her the drink "Ensure". If appropriate you could tell her they are a milkshake?

I think you are in, what was to me, a very stressful time. I remember finding one solution to be presented with more problems. It was when I was in this position plus double incontinence that we arranged nursing home. My mother is now happy and settled. So look forward if you can!!

 

[ASH74]

Luckily for us FIL is currently coping well with dosette boxes but I also got them with carers in mind when the time comes. I agree it is this middle stage when you can see trouble ahead but no one is listening that is so stressful.


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[Gknee]

Thank you

To everyone who has posted; thank you so much. It helps to know we are not alone with these problems - and some very practical solutions and suggestions which my brain had been too muddled to even think of.

Social services really don't seem to be concerned. Maybe because she is self-funding? Does anyone have any experience of this? It makes my task harder as mum always prefers not to spend any money and resists paying for a carer to administer her meds.

I'm going to talk to her solicitor about the 'health' part of the POA.

Thank you again

 

[Pickles53]

To everyone who has posted; thank you so much. It helps to know we are not alone with these problems - and some very practical solutions and suggestions which my brain had been too muddled to even think of.

Social services really don't seem to be concerned. Maybe because she is self-funding? Does anyone have any experience of this? It makes my task harder as mum always prefers not to spend any money and resists paying for a carer to administer her meds.

I'm going to talk to her solicitor about the 'health' part of the POA.

Thank you again

So much of what you describe is how my mum was over the last few months. SS were so uninterested - the fact that mum could physically make a sandwich ticked the eating box even though she had no way of getting the ingredients to the house As mum was always going to be self-funding I just went directly to my chosen agency and sorted out directly with mum what was needed. Despite mum's reluctance she did accept them coming in and it made me less worried because someone was checking on her regularly. (None of her family live anywhere near her.)

The carers possibly prevented a hideous accident when they went in one day and found the house full of gas from an unlit stove and rescued her from a fall two weeks later she was found on the bathroom floor one breakfast time as she had forgotten she could press her wrist alarm to get help. I'm not waiting for a third time unlucky, have brought forward plans to move her to a care home near us. It seems SS will only react when the crisis has happened; if I could foresee the risks why couldn't they? I know about mental capacity and the right to make obviously unwise decisions but I think this is too often used as an excuse for SS etc not to get involved.

 

[JayGun]

That's useful to know regarding safety from fraudsters on the telephone, thank you. My MIL does this. She recently told us my daughter that "a man was asking all kinds of questions" about her.

As far as we can gather someone rang up and tried to perpetrate a computer scam on her but she doesn't have a computer so helpfully she told him that her granddaughter does. He then asked his questions.

We were horrified and broke the cardinal rule of dementia care, and asked her a question, at which point she clammed up. However, at a later stage we were able to glean that he was on the phone for ages and she missed her television programme because of him, he has our daughter's name, birthday and the names of all our pets at the very least. We think she also gave him our daughter's addresses and phone numbers.

People have also rung and asked her questions about the neighbours. Debt collectors maybe?

To be frank she'd be in danger from the neighbours if they knew how much if their business she was blabbing to strangers on the phone.